What Would You Do?
by Dragonfire Alchemist
Summary: Title explains it all; ask the FMA characters what they would do in certain situations. (This is just for Brotherhood/the manga. Answers may include spoilers.)
1. Guidelines?

Why hello, my dear readers! I was bored, and began thinking of how fun it is to invent random scenarios, then wonder, "What would 'so-and-so' do?" Then it hit me; I can make a story off of that!

The rules? Make up whatever scenario you like in the reviews, and then address it to an FMA character. And I'm talking ANY FMA character, including Den and Hayate! Have to give love to everyone, right? (Example: Dear (insert character here), what would you do if (insert scenario such as: if you were deserted on an island, if (insert character here) asked you out, if you got a pet, etc. etc.) The possibilities are endless and up to you ;)

If I have enough reviews, I'll update in about a week. You can send more than one scenario in your review, but it's highly likely that I'll save some of those scenarios for the next chapter, just in case of a review shortage. Now type and click that little review button, please! :D

-Dfire

(P.S. No, this is not the story I was working on. That one is still in the developmental stages, lol)


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, guys! I'm a little nervous (understatement), since this is my first chapter, technically. I know I'm posting earlier than I said, but… hey, I was bored, and I was way too excited!**

**I don't own this epic show/manga. If I did, there would be more Royai :D**

**Hey Dfire ;)  
Dear Riza,  
What would happen if Roy proposed to you? Either that or Roy stole Hayate and colored him red! ;)  
From: BabyBlueBeluga (aka your Führer)**

Riza: Interesting question. However, even if he had reason to propose, the notion itself is far-fetched. The fraternizing laws simply wouldn't allow it, along with the fact that the Colonel is currently dating another woman. Besides, we only have a work related relationship; nothing more, nothing less.

Roy: Aw, don't play dumb, Lieutenant. Every female in Amestris lusts after me… It's only right if you do, as well!

Riza: …Sir, where is that paperwork you're supposed to have ready by tomorrow afternoon?

Roy: …(quietly sneaks off…)

Riza: That's what I thought. As for your other question, if he dyed my dog _any _color, the police would probably find his corpse in a ditch or an alley. Now that I'm done here, I'm going to make sure that idiot's getting the paperwork done and not shoving it onto poor Fuery.

**Me: Um, Riza? You still have some questions to answer. Here's another reviewer, FalseFacts!**

**Oh man I wish you had begun this sooner. Alright let's begin, shall we?**

Riza, what would you do if you found out that you had a stalker who was totally obsessed with you and they were also female?

Hughes, what would you do if you found yourself in Disney World (here's the catch) with Envy and Shou Tucker?

Olivier Armstrong, what would you do if you were somehow forced into babysitting Elicia Hughes and there was no way of getting out of it? 

Riza: A female stalker, hm? A bit strange… Anyways, I would probably find out who was 'stalking' me, but only if the situation was getting dangerous, distracting me from work, or such. I would try to talk things out with them, gentle, but firmly enough to get the point across that I dislike their actions. It's always best to find a nonviolent approach to these things. I still need to babysit the Colonel, so… bye.

Hughes: Disney World? Oh, yeah, that place that Dfire was telling me about. I think Elicia would love it! I would buy her a little hat, and-

Me: Hughes, please answer the question. But after you finish, I heard that Major Armstrong wants to see your pictures of Gracia and Elicia.

Hughes: Ooh, okay! Well, first, I would buy plenty of things for my adorable little girl and beautiful wife! Then I would call Roy and Ed, and have them deal with the Homunculus. Maybe even buy some popcorn and enjoy the show! As for Tucker… Erm… I would probably tie him up and call people who are actually licensed to arrest criminals. The military procedures are all a bit confusing, to be honest. Which is another reason I'm rooting for Roy all the way to the top; he'll make some well-needed changes. Well, I'm off!

Olivier: Why am I even here? This is a stupid waste of my time…

Me: Look, once you finish the question, you're good to go, okay?

Olivier: …I suppose it can't be helped… But why the hell would I babysit? That's for little girls who have no life.

Me: Olivier. Please.

Olivier: (Grumbles) Fine. I actually have some experience, mostly because I'm the oldest child in the Armstrong family. And I find Hughes' little girl somewhat endearing, despite her annoying little voice. Can I go now?

**Me: …What a bunch of cooperative people I get to work with. Whoop-di-doo… (Twirls finger in air) But now we have a question for Ed from lotrprincess!**

**Dear Edward,  
What would you do if someone called you a cripple to your face?**

Me: Uh-oh…

Edward: You know, this is one of the reasons I didn't want to be in this little 'fanfiction' of yours in the first place. Although it _is _a good question. I would grab them by the collar, look them straight in the eyes, and beat them within an inch of their lives. Simple solution, kiddies. If someone calls me a cripple, it's only fair that they become the actual cripples.

Alphonse: BROTHER! That's a horrible thing to say!

Edward: They asked my honest opinion and they got it. I could put an autograph on it, too, if someone could hand me a pen. But unlike the others, I actually have a life to get back to. See ya.

**Well, that was certainly, um…informative… And I swear, he's just in a bad mood today (I think he was muttering something about milk on the way out…). Next up, FMAlover07! **

**Dear Roy,**

What would you do if another war started and Riza was about to die?

-or-

Dear Riza,

What would you do if another war started and Roy was about to die?

Riza: Well… This is a pretty dark question. Unfortunately, it's also quite possible. The worst part, though, is that I would be powerless to stop it, unless an alternative option provided itself. Then I would probably do the stupid thing; leap first, ask questions later. I don't intend to break any promises I made to him.

Roy: I wholeheartedly agree with the Lieutenant. Of course, I would later give her a lot of grief for endangering herself…

Riza: Like I would do if the situation was reversed…

Roy: So yeah. I do know, however, that it's a lot less likely than she makes it out to be. After all, she _is _watching my back. I wouldn't trust anyone else to do nearly as good a job.

Me: That was a really sweet thing to say, Roy :) Why don't you two take five?

**All righty, on to the last three questions for today from LZ! **

**Fuery, what would you do if Colonel Mustang said he loved you?**

Martel, what would you do if you started shedding skin?

Winry, what would you do if someone took your wrench?

Fuery: Um…what…? I would assume you meant that the Colonel was saying he appreciates me or something, so… I would feel pretty flattered, I guess. He isn't exactly the kind of person who gives out compliments often, but when he does, everybody knows that he really means it. And besides, everyone knows that he has a claim on Ms. Hawkeye, and vice versa. Don't tell them I said that!

Martel: Well… It's actually happened before. Whenever the humidity in my surroundings gets too low, I tend to shed. It's exhausting, puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and when it gets way too dry, it can really hurt. But thank you for asking; I really wasn't expecting to have a single question during this whole story!

Winry: Hi, LZ! If someone stole one of my wrenches, I would just find a bigger wrench and beat them up with it. NO ONE messes with my stuff! However, if they stole _all _my wrenches, I would have to resort to the screwdriver. It's not my weapon of choice, since wrenches are often denser, but I have some that could really leave a mark. I hope that answered your question!

Me: It sounds like you've thought of that subject before, Winry. Should I be worried?

Edward: She's actually had _experience_. I thought that, if she didn't have her wrenches, I could go unharmed every time I visited. Yeah… I was kind of wrong.

Winry: It was your own fault, Alchemy Freak. Never touch a women's stuff.

Edward: If you didn't give me a concussion every time I came back home, maybe it wouldn't have happened!

Winry: Whatever. But I hope you liked the milk I sent you earlier. You'll never get taller without it.

Edward: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Me: Guys, save it for later! We need to go!

Winry: …

Edward: … (Dark look)

**I know this probably wasn't good, but… Lots of thanks to BabyBlueBeluga, FalseFacts, lotrprincess, FMAlover07, and LZ! You guys are awesome! And it's obvious now that I'm going to update more than once a week, lol ;) I loved every bit of writing this, and I need another excuse to procrastinate my homework, after all! Please leave some reviews, and I'll see you next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey there, everyone! Oh my Ammy… I HAVE SO MANY REVIEWS! (Looks at 12 reviews and faints from happiness) Thank you guys so much for the questions; like last time, this was super fun to write! It's even better that I have an excuse not to do my homework ;) **

**I do not own FMA. I own nothing, in fact, other than my own crazy ideas. Nothing but my weirdness walks beside me… *hums Boulevard of Broken Dreams***

**First off, we have some questions from my favorite Fuhrer, BabyBlueBeluga!**

**That was epic! *rubs hands evilly* I got a good question...  
Dear Hughes and Roy,  
What would happen if Riza, Gracia, and Elicia decided to take a little trip out of Central without you...?  
Dear Alex A.,  
I may or may not have stolen your sparkles at school the other day... What would you do if I kept them forever? :3  
Dear Tucker,  
Why did you do that freaky transmutation thingy on your daughter? What if I shoved you on the circle instead?  
Good luck, Colonel!**

Hughes: W-where are they going?! (Runs off)

Roy: Well, you have Hughes' answer right there. As for me, I think it's great that the Lieutenant is taking a well-deserved break. Things are going to be really slow at the office, however. Oh well, more time to set up a date with Havoc's girlfriend, I suppose.

Havoc: T_T WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?! COLONEL!

Me: Don't worry, Havoc, you'll find that special, loyal woman one of these days. Moving on…

Alex: Oh, you poor, unenlightened soul! Do not worry…you can keep them because I always have more, as they have been passed down the Armstrong line for GENERATIONS! I shall give you the gift of my muscles as a light to the end of your sorrow!

Me: Wait… NONONONONONO…!

Alex: (rips off shirt) COME, YOU WONDERFUL LITTLE CHILD! I SHALL BRING HAPPINESS TO YOU AND THE WORLD!

Me: ARMSTRONG! No scaring away the readers! Anyways, (dodges Armstrong) let's move on before he tries to "enlighten" everybody…

Tucker: Well, it's simple, really. I needed to stay a State Alchemist or we would have had nothing. I did it in the name of sci-

Me: Okay, we're done here.

Tucker: But I wasn't finished!

Me: Shut up. No one likes you.

Tucker: I thought you said _anyone _could be asked a question in this little story of yours.

Me: …Crap…

Tucker: Anyhow, if you shoved me onto the circle, it wouldn't do anything. Several steps are required to make a chimera…

Me: Okay, that's it. You've answered the question. POLICE!

(Tucker, laughing disturbingly, gets dragged off)

**Me: Ugh. I need to see a psychiatrist now… But we have another familiar guest reviewer right here; LZ!**

**Black Hayate, what would you do if Breda was holding very tasty-looking sandwich?  
Breda, what would you do if Black Hayate was looking at your very tasty-looking sandwich?**

Hayate: Ooh, I really like sandwiches! But I wouldn't take it because I like Breda, and it would make Riza upset. Riza's so nice, and I like it when she's happy! 3

Breda: What did he say?

Me: (Translates)

Breda: Heh, go figure. That woman really knows how to train a dog. Anyways, don't tell Hawkeye this, but… I kind of give some extra scraps to Hayate every now and then. He's just too adorable for his own good.

**Me: And now we have a Guest reviewer! Or two. Or three. I assumed it was one person, so I put all three reviews into one. If I was wrong, I sincerely apologize.**

**Dear glass of milk,  
How do you feel towards Ed?**

**Dear Mr. Gori,  
What would you do if Heinkel tempted you with a banana?**

**Dear Ed, what would you do if you were stranded on an island with Winry and Roy, and could not use alchemy?**

Glass of milk: (lying shattered on the floor)

Me: Edward! Why did you do that?! Now we can't answer the question!

Edward: It's just cow secretion. It's putrid, disgusting, and did you know that it was formed by-

Me: Ed! Shut it! What if someone is drinking milk while they read this?! I don't want to be blamed for making someone sick!

Ed: Well, it's their own fault for drinking that _vomit_.

Me: …

Darius: A banana? Now that's just insulting. Although, way back when, I might have put raw meat under his bed to see what he would do… hehe…

Heinkel: That was you? I had that scent stuck in my nose for a _week!_ (Throws a banana at Darius)

Darius: Oh… my… God… *twitch* It… looks so good…

Me: Dear readers,

Do you see what I am forced to put up with? That is all.

-Dfire

Edward: No alchemy? With those two?! Uh… I would draw a line in the center of the island and make them stay on the other half. Fortunately, that month on Yock Island taught me how to build a mean shelter and fire. Winry and Colonel Bastard could probably take care of themselves, especially if I was the only one without alchemy. Of course, if he didn't, he'd be even more useless than usual… (Snickers)

Roy: Even without alchemy, I could still beat you, Fullmetal. _I _was the one who went through boot camp.

Edward: Is that a challenge, Colonel Bastard? I had freaking _Izumi Curtis _as a teacher.

Roy: Huh? Where did that voice come from? (Looks straight down at the ground) Oh, there you are! I thought you were an ant for a second there…

Edward: YOU SON OF A-

Me: (Thinking fast) Uh, um… HEY, RIZA! ROY BURNED ALL THE PAPERWORK!

Edward: Ooh, you'd better run, Colonel!

Roy: O.O (Flees while Riza is chasing him)

**Me: *sigh* Riza, he didn't burn the paperwork. And you have a question to answer from FalseFacts.**

**Riza, what would do if you were somehow appointed Führer, instead of Roy?  
Roy, what would you have done if you had failed your State Alchemist certification exam?  
Ed, what would you have done, if at the end of your fight with Father, you awoke to find that it had all been a dream and that you were still only a child and your parents were still alive and together? Would you be scared that it might all still happen? Or would you be satisfied by the mere fact that everything was the way it should always have been?**

Riza: Me? Oh, brother… the Colonel would make a much better Fuhrer than me. I'm not saying he doesn't have a long way to go, because he does, but if that ever happened, I would likely set a record for "shortest time in office." And then Colonel Mustang would be Fuhrer; I would only stay in office long enough to make sure that happened.

Roy: Now that I look back, if I had failed the alchemy exam, I wouldn't have been in the Ishvalan campaign. But of course, I was too stubborn to listen to anyone about becoming a State Alchemist. It's too late to change now, though; I have a goal, and I intend to carry it out. All that suffering I caused has to somehow be repaid; Equivalent Exchange, I guess.

Edward: Pretty interesting thought right there. Uh… I would definitely be shaken; more so if I was still younger. I would likely be confused about what was real and what wasn't for a long time. But now you actually have me thinking…about how that was the way it was supposed to be. I agree, it would have been a lot less painful and, well…you know…Al and I would've kept our original bodies and stuff. But we grew up a lot during those years, and it's why I was so connected to my little brother, which means that if it hadn't happened, we wouldn't have been half as close as we are. Or as mature…

Winry: You? _Mature? _That's a laugh…

Edward: HEY! I'm just trying to answer the question properly!

Winry: _I'm_ just doing my job as a woman and gracing the world with my opinion.

Edward: What if I don't _want _your opinion?

Winry: Well, too bad for you. Bye everyone!

**Thanks to BabyBlueBeluga, LZ, Guest (Either there are three or one… I have no idea O.O), and FalseFacts. You guys are awesome for putting up with this weird story/thing XD But guys… don't be dumb like I was… I looked up how cows produce milk while I was drinking it. BAD IDEA.**

**I'll update on Friday :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm baaaack! Thank you for the reviews… I feel so loved! Cookies for everyone! :D**

**I do not own FMA. If I did, there already would have been a spinoff for Greed and Ling… those two crack me up ;)**

**Okay, first off is everyone's favorite whale-I mean Fuhrer, BabyBlueBeluga!**

**Dear Fuery (or Fury),  
Was it weird for you to have Roy take your glasses off and put them on Riza? How was your eyesight?  
Dear Riza,  
With your eyesight impaired with Fuery's (Fury's) glasses, did you almost crash your car?  
Dear Fullmetal and Al,  
Did you have a brain meltdown (failure) when you saw Hawkeye with her hair down and glasses on?**

Fuery: Um… it's actually not too bad, to tell you the truth. Things are just fuzzy if they're far away. I _could _wear contacts, but… I really don't like anything coming even close to touching my eyes. I actually heard that Dfire has that problem, too.

Me: …*shudder*

Fuery: I actually thought they looked good on Ms. Hawkeye, and it was a pretty ingenious idea to give her glasses. I wouldn't have thought of that.

Riza: Not really. They were a little hard to get used to, but I could still see almost everything.

Edward: I wouldn't say "meltdown." We just didn't recognize her at first, and we were a little surprised.

Alphonse: I have to hand it to the Colonel and Ms. Hawkeye; it was a good disguise. And she also looked very pretty! :)

Riza: Thank you, Alphonse.

**All right! Now we have a new reviewer whose name reminds me of pop rocks for some reason, Kok0roxGuardian! **

**Dear Edward,  
What would you do if you caught Colonel Mustang trying on a miniskirt in a woman's clothing store?**

Edward: (rolling on the floor laughing and runs out of breath)

Oh…*hic* God, that bastard would never live it down… I'm trying to decide on which is better in that situation: blackmail or publicity. Either way, it would be freaking hilarious.

Roy: …Yeah, really funny, Fullmetal…

Edward: Exactly!

Roy: Shut it, runt.

Edward: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE USES ATOMS FOR CHAIRS, YOU BASTARD?!

Roy: You, obviously.

Edward: You wanna fight? Let's go, you cross dressing pyro!

Me: Ugh… (Grabs fire hose and huge electromagnet) I should probably break this up before somebody gets killed; namely myself.

**Okay, since that little d-**

**Edward: *glare***

**Uh… I mean, since that disaster with no adjectives that imply anything has been solved, we can move on to another new reviewer: DXRough! DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH, BABY! (I apologize; I'm feeling somewhat manic today.)**

**Dear Lust,  
What would you do if Envy walking in on you changing? (Is this too inappropriate?)  
Dear Envy,  
What would you do if you had to babysit Elicia?  
Dear Riza,  
What would you do if Hayate was missing?**

Lust: Excellent question. I would spear him in the throat and throw his body about fifty feet away. I'm done here.

Me: Wait! …Okay, does everyone just make their own rules around here…?

Envy: Hmm. I actually somewhat like this human. But may I ask the reviewer a question?

Me: …I'm scared. But I guess you can, if it answers their question.

Envy: All right. Should I turn myself into her father first, then slowly kill her, or turn myself into her mother and slowly kill her?

Me: I don't even know how to react to that one…

Riza: If Hayate went missing, I would probably take the day off and go looking for him. Fortunately, Hayate knows not to go too far from home, so it wouldn't take too long to find him. But I would get pretty worried…

**And now for lotrprincess! I always think of the Legend of Zelda when I hear your name for some reason… Even though it's Lord of the Rings… I'm weird today, if you hadn't noticed…**

**Ha! Yeah, Ed, they'd deserve it. Although I now know why people (read: Mustang and Winry) like to rile you up. The result is so...entertaining.  
Dear Alphonse,  
What would YOU do if someone called your brother a cripple?**

**Dear Elric brothers,  
What would you do if Izumi found out about Ed becoming a State Alchemist, say, when he was fourteen-ish, and cornered you both at Eastern Command?  
Dear Mustang and his team,  
What would your reaction be to this possibly gory and traumatic sight?  
Dear Izumi,  
What would you think of Mustang, both as another dog of the military and the man who persuaded your students to join the military?**

Edward: Damn right they'd deserve it. And what do you mean? IT ISN'T FUNNY!

Alphonse: Uh, Brother? I think you need to calm down… But if someone called Edward a cripple to his face, I would try to make sure he didn't kill them, unless it was a Homunculus. If someone called him a cripple behind his back, I would be ready to defend my brother. After all, he would do the same for me!

Edward: And if our teacher found out about the "joining the military" thing earlier and had come after us, well… (Starts shaking uncontrollably) W-we would probably dig a bomb shelter and hide out for a month or two…

Roy: You know, I think I would actually feel bad for Fullmetal. I've met his teacher, and it was… scary…

Riza: I agree with the Colonel.

Havoc and Fuery: We'd run away until it was over…

Breda: I'm with them.

Falman: I'll take a train to the north, please…

Izumi: Hm. I suppose it would depend. For example, if he was first introduced to me as the man who convinced one of my students to join the military, he likely wouldn't have survived. If I'd gotten to know him first, before learning he was from the military and made Ed a fellow dog, he would probably have been maimed only a little bit. Currently, I think he's a good man, and he's trying his hardest to change Amestris' future. I'm still somewhat mad about having Edward join the military, but I realize now that if he hadn't, well… I'll let you think about that, but it would've made a huge impact on everything.

**Now we have some questions from one of our anonymous viewers, Guest! Wait… if you're a guest, does that mean I'm a Host? …I want to poke Hikaru and Kaoru… :3**

**Dear Ms. Cow,  
Are you insulted by Ed [PS: answer this question where Ed can't find you]?**

**Dear Ed and Buccaneer,**

**What would do if you had to switch automail for a day?**

**Dear Al,  
What would you do if you got pimped by Xzibit on Pimp my Ride? (Because Ed usually rides on you.)**

**Dear Havoc,  
What would you do if Roy, Kain, Heymans and Riza staged an intervention for your smoking addiction?**

Cow: Not really. I honestly don't take it personally if people dislike milk, seeing as how it's actually meant for baby cows, and not people…

Edward: Okay, now _that _would be awesome. I'm stuck between the Bear Claws and the Crocodile, because they're both really badass.

Buccaneer: I'm flattered that he likes my automail, but… it would be way too small, and it's not at my quality standards.

Winry: Oh, so my work isn't good enough for you, huh?! (Pulls out giant wrench)

Edward: RUN! (Flees)

Buccaneer: What the heck are you so afraid of? It's only a wre-AGH! *knocked out*

Me: Uh… I think it's time to move on!

Alphonse: Um… Brother really doesn't "ride" me…the only times he does are in emergency situations…

Edward: …I don't recall riding you. But they couldn't remodel him, anyways. I'm actually the only one who knows how _not _to break his blood seal.

Alphonse: Brother, would I look cooler, though?

Edward: Al, they are NOT touching you. Besides, you already are the coolest little brother ever.

Alphonse: Thank you, Brother! :D

Havoc: They wouldn't get me off. They've already tried. (Smokes a cigarette)

Roy: Yeah, we seriously regret trying to remove him from his nicotine…

Falman: It would seem that he cares more about the cigarettes than his girlfriends. Whereas normally he would just cry about losing another girl to the Colonel, he suddenly turned violent.

Breda: *shiver* I still have scars…

**Well, that just about wraps it up. Thank you to BabyBlueBeluga, Kok0roxGuardian, DXRough, lotrprincess, my guest reviewer, and FMAlover07 for dealing with all the weirdness… **

**And for you new followers, you shall be my minions! MWAHAHAH-*cough* Anyways, I'll try to update on Wednesday. But I seriously can't express how awesome all of you are :D **


	5. Chapter 5

**Dfire reporting for duty, everyone! You know, I can't even believe that so many people have checked out my story. I went from just reading other people's stuff on the Internet, then BAM! I have an account on this great site, I've already put up two stories, and, best of all, I'm getting support from awesome reviewers! Seriously, guys, reading those reviews and writing this story makes my day every day! :D As always, I do not own FMA, or Yoki would've died a long time ago.**

**First off (as usual, lol) is BabyBlueBeluga!**

**Dear Nina (you're so cute by the way),  
Who would you like to spend time with if your daddy left you on the street with your puppy? (Sorry... It's a really sad question for a really sad poem...)**

Nina: Oh, thanks for calling me cute! :) Why would Daddy leave Alexander and me on the street? Ooh, maybe he's going to come and bring us a surprise!

Me: Erm… I hate to break it to you, sweetie, but I think the reviewer meant _abandoned. _Left behind forever.

Nina: *cries* W-why would he do that?

Me: Shhh… It's okay…

Nina: *sniff* I-I would find little-big brother and big-little brother…

Me: …Why do I have the sudden urge to go murder Shou Tucker…?

**And next today we have SoulEaterMarie! Welcome to the party ;) (I rhymed!)**

**Dear Roy,  
What would you do if you were dating Riza and Havoc stole her?  
Dear Havoc,  
What would you do if ... I-I asked you out?  
Dear Edward,  
What would you do if you were forced to wear a sign on your head that said 'pipsqueak' for a month?  
Dear Alex A.  
What would you do if Roy, Ed and Al stole your sparkles and wore them around Central?**

Roy: Like that would ever happen! (Starts laughing)

Havoc: It could happen, sir… You'd better watch out, because I'm going to steal one of your girlfriends!

Roy: Mm-hm. Oh, and I hope you weren't planning anything tonight. I'm taking Lynn on a date.

Havoc: WHAT?! She…she abandoned me, too…?

Havoc: Oh my gosh. Do you really mean it? Um… maybe we can go a hill at sunset, or maybe go out for dinner, my treat… *blushes*

Roy: You do realize that she's probably quite a few years younger than you, right?

Havoc: STOP KILLING MY DREAMS! That's the point of a blind date! Because even if it doesn't work out, I still know that it's possible for a girl to have unwavering loyalty…

Roy: I would recommend getting a dog, then.

Edward: Hmm. First, I would murder anyone involved in making me wear that sign. Then I would completely annihilate the sign, because nobody makes _me_ do anything.

Alphonse: Brother… don't you think that's a bit violent…?

Edward: For me, no. If you want to see violence, then you'll throw Envy and Colonel Bastard into a room, take away all of their strength, and let me at 'em. After I've had a stressful day, of course.

Alex: As I told BabyBlueBeluga, there are plenty to go around! Spread the joy, my children! (Rips off shirt)

Me: …

Roy, Ed, and Al: We're fine without the pink sparkles, thank you very much.

**All righty, let's see… We now have some questions from Griz Lee :D (Holy Ammy, I rhymed again O_O)**

**Dear Ed,  
What would you do if you were forced to be in a "Got Milk?" commercial?  
Dear May,  
What would you do if Xiao Mei suddenly grew to normal panda size?  
Dear Jerso,  
What would you do if you saw a fly on Zampano's nose?**

Edward: Well, like I said earlier, _no one _makes me do anything.

Alphonse: It looks like I'm answering for him… He'd probably list the entire chemical composition of milk, and exactly how it's formed. And then he'd probably destroy all the milk in the vicinity.

May: WOW! That would be so cool! Maybe I could ride on her back, and we could have so much fun! Right, Xiao Mei?

Xiao Mei: (Runs around happily)

Edward: I doubt it'll ever happen, though. She's already past her growing age.

May: (sticks tongue out) Well, you aren't getting taller either, you flea!

Edward: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I'M TALLER THAN YOU, MIDGET!

Me: Uh, guys…?

May: *growl* Get him, Xiao Mei!

Edward: AGH! (Xiao Mei is firmly attached to his head)

Me: …Yeah, have fun getting the psycho panda off, Ed. Moooooving on…

Jerso: Obviously I would smack it. It gives me a free excuse to hit Zampano, hehe…

Zampano: Hey! What did I ever do to you?!

Jerso: Really? You don't remember the time you threw _lily pads _and _newts _into my room? *evil glare*

Zampano: That was only because you made an "oink" sound when I was eating.

Jerso: I did not!

**Uh… anyways, let's move on to Kitten1313, everyone! Hmm… I can't think of a funny name pun, besides something to do with the fact that you have two thirteens in your pen name and black cats are unlucky….Meh. I'll think of something eventually. *determined face***

**Dear May,  
What would you do if, instead of Ling, you got the Philosopher's Stone?  
Dear Ling,  
If Greed didn't cross over, would you still share your body with him?  
Dear Al & May,  
Would you ever ask May to marry you? And May, would you say yes?**

May: I would bring it to the emperor right away! Well…unless Sir Alphonse needed my help. He's such a gentleman, and when he gets his body back, he'll look super handsome and dreamy!

Ling: Yes. Of course, after the Promised Day, he would likely use my body to get laid. *sigh* It's the only disadvantage of him sharing my body, besides the fact that he's in control most of the time.

Greed: What are you talking about? I have the finest taste in women, obviously, so you know you'd be in for a great time!

Ling: …No comment. Besides, I wouldn't have someone choose my partner for my first time…

Greed: WHAT? I'M IN A VIRGIN'S BODY?! That's it, we're going right now.

Ling: Hey! No! (Tries to regain control of his body) Ugh… I feel like killing him…

Alphonse: Uh, uhhh… (Starts freaking out and shaking) M-May's a nice girl, and maybe it would be fun to h-hang out some time…Maybe get some apple pie when I get my body back…

Edward: Aww, Al, what are you gonna name the kids? (Starts laughing his head off)

Alphonse: B-Brother! That's not funny! ED!

May: Ohhh… (Daydreaming) Yes, Sir Alphonse, I do! I love you, my knight in shining armor! *swoon* And if we had kids…

Alphonse: Eep! *flees*

May: (Runs after him) Where are you going, Sir Alphonse? We need to start picking out names!

**Well, that was certainly interesting… And pretty disturbing… Well, we have lotrprincess up next! *coughZeldacough***

**Dear Ed,  
What would you do if you lost your eyesight, like Mustang, instead of your limbs from the human transmutation?**

**Dear Hohenheim,**  
**What would you do if you came home to Resembool the day after the human transmutation?**

**Dear Dwarf in the Flask (Father),**  
**What would you do if all your human sacrifices took a vacation to Xing during the Promised Day, thus putting themselves out of your reach? (Inspired by Do a Barrel**

**Roll)**

Edward: (Head is still bleeding) Wow, that'd be pretty messed up. I think I would still try and find a way to make my disability somewhat less severe, if I could. I would also try not to let anyone know that I was blind, obviously.

Alphonse: Wouldn't that be almost impossible?

Edward: Well… I could try to memorize the layout of certain places, I guess…

Hohenheim: The day after, hm…? I guess I would-

Me: *screams* OMG IT'S VAN HOHO! *glomp*

Hohenheim: …Get off…And why do you insist on calling me that weird name?

Me: I can't remember. I think I saw a YouTube comment or something.

Hohenheim: Right… Well, as I was saying… (Throws me off) I would be upset that my sons tried human transmutation, but I wouldn't scold them too harshly. I can relate to what they were thinking.

Father: I would honestly be very…annoyed… But maybe I could send some of my children to round up the Amestrians, and maybe even a few Xingese people. Perhaps I could catch a few "fan girls" as well…

**HEY! Stay away from my reviewers, you wannabe Van Hoho! But let us move on… to the Valley of Death! MWAHAHAH-*cough* …I'm still working on my evil laugh…**

**Dear everyone, **

**How would things change if Ed and Al were GIRLS?**

**Dear Roy, **

**What would you do if Ed dyed his hair pink and was wearing your gloves?**

Winry: Well, sometimes Ed acts like a girl… He has enough mood swings…

Edward: I do not!

Roy: I wholeheartedly agree with Ms. Rockbell.

Edward: No one likes you!

All the Homunculi except Gluttony: We're with them.

Gluttony: He would taste sweeter if he was a girl… *drool*

Edward: You all suck, and EW!

May: I agree to the shrimp being a girl, but then I couldn't date my handsome Sir Alphonse!

Ling: …I promised not to say anything bad about either of them because they paid my bill for dinner last night…

Edward: I don't remember giving you money for anything… AND I'M NOT FREAKIN' SHORT!

Envy: Ooh, I just remembered! He has girly hair, as well!

Edward: (Goes on swearing tirade)

Me: Uhhh… the others had no comment… Except Tucker, but no one likes him.

Roy: I knew he was a girl…

Edward: SHUT IT! I would never dye my hair that disgusting color. Stealing your gloves sounds fun, though…

Roy: Well, you're out of luck. I keep them in a secret place.

Edward: With the Lieutenant…

Roy: How did you know…?

Edward: No duh. Everyone knows that you two love each other.

Roy: We don't love each other!

Edward: Roy and Riza, sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes- AGH!

Riza: (Lowers smoking gun) Do you have anything else to say, Edward?

Edward: …*gulp* No…

Riza: I thought as much.

**And, finally, we have LZ with some questions for the people in Rush Valley! **

**Garfiel, **

**Have you ever met a young man named Kain Fuery? He's pretty cute, if you catch my drift.**

**Paninya,**

**Go to Paris. It's a pick-pocket's dream.**

**Dominic,**

**Is that Pinako over there?**

**Ridel and Satella,**

**What are you going to name your son?**

Garfiel: Well, he sounds nice! And does he need automail?

Fuery: Um, I'm good, but thanks anyways!

Paninya: Well, I'm trying to stay on the straight and narrow these days, but… would Paris be fun to visit? I'm thinking of going traveling once I pay my debt to Dominic, so I'll give it a try!

Dominic: Oh, God… The Pantheress of Resembool! *flees*

Pinako: Who just ran away?

Me: Him? Oh, just some random guy. He was busy so he had to go.

Satella: I'm glad you asked! We decided to name him Brandon. He is the sweetest little boy I could ever hope for.

Ridel: I'm so thankful that Winry helped to deliver him. If she or the Elrics hadn't been there, he might not have survived, and Satella might've been in serious trouble.

Brandon: *giggle* Mama! Da-Da!

Satella: Aww….

**Well, I definitely had hoped to update earlier, but… *sigh* At least I got it posted on Wednesday, like I said… **

**BabyBlueBeluga, **

**I sincerely apologize, but maybe you should stop torturing Max and Fang XD**

**SoulEaterMarie,**

**Why thank you! Of course, you all make my day, but… I like your Pidgeot! And Dark Soul Alchemist? That's AWESOME.**

**Griz Lee,**

**You…you think it's that good? *cries* Thank you! Oh, and I read ****I am Creed****. It's a pretty unique idea, and I like it! Of course, I'm working on a new story. Here's a hint: It's after the Promised Day…**

**Lotrprincess,**

**Heck yeah, Zelda is awesome! Maybe LZ can be Link? (My mind makes odd connections from names…) Oh, and I DIED the second you mentioned Do A Barrel Roll... I love their stories so much! For those of you who haven't read 444 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In Amestris, do yourself a favor and read it ;)**

**As for everyone else, thank you all very much! I'll update on…Saturday, and I hope you liked this chapter, which happens to be my longest yet! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, hello there! I actually updated on time today! (If not somewhat _early..._)WOOHOO! **

**I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist; otherwise Tucker's death would have been excruciatingly painful.**

**Our first reviewer is Griz Lee :D Which is funny, because my school's mascot is the grizzly bear…**

**Dear King Bradley,  
Are you aware that your name abbreviated is Kin-Bra?  
Dear Dorochet/Dolchetto,  
How do you pee exactly?  
Dear Father,  
What would happen if you were on a cruise with all the citizens of Cselkcess on board and could not kill them?**

**Dear Ed,  
What would you do if you were to have an all-alchemist showdown with Mustang, Izumi, Old Man Comanche, Basque Gran, Kimblee, Scar, and Isaac McDougal?**

Bradley: …And that means what, exactly…?

Me: Hehe… it has "bra" in it XD

Bradley: Immature little beast… *scowl* If you weren't immortal, I swear…

Me: I know, I know, I'd be dead. Let's move on…

Dorochet: UGH! Not you, too! I pee like a freakin' normal person…

Roa: No you don't.

Dorochet: I do! And why is the way I go to the bathroom so important to you people?!

Roa: Because it's hilarious…

Father: A…cruise?

Me: *sigh* Of all the people/things I have to teach modern-day stuff to so that they can answer your questions, Father is the most hopeless. Look, Fake Van Hoho, a cruise is a leisurely ride on a large boat that lasts for a few days.

Father: Oh. But they are already dead, so that would not make any sense.

Me: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! Even if it doesn't make sense.

Father: Hmph. I would patiently bide my time until this "cruise" ended, then transmute their souls.

Edward: Holy. Crap. That would be EPIC! I would totally win, of course, and the Colonel would be the loser… Hehe…

Roy: In your dreams, runt.

Edward: HEY! (Transmutes giant longbow and silver arrows)

**O_O Aaaanyways, let's move on to FalseFacts. Let's see… funny name thing… I think you're either working with Kira or the CONSPIRACY! The conspiracy is worse, though, because I blame it for real life crap. And Light is hot… :D**

**Ed, what would you do if you started growing and you became taller than Roy and even Al, but then you couldn't stop growing?  
Sheska, what would you do if you awoke to find that books no longer exist and no one has any memory of them being real?  
Führer Bradley, what would you have done if your wife had uncovered the truth about you and Selim?  
Hughes, what would you do if one morning you went to check on Elicia, only to find her gone because someone had stolen her away in the night?  
Riza, what would you have done with your life if you had never met Roy?  
Roy, what would you have done with your life if you had never met Riza? (Please note this also means you were never her father's apprentice)**

Edward: You know, that's a good question. I mean, at first, I would be happier than if you gave me ten books on alchemy. I would definitely brag… and, obviously, then I would rub it in Colonel Bastard's face! And no one could make fun of me, or say I need to drink my milk… Hehehe! (Starts daydreaming and laughing evilly every few seconds)

Me: Ed… I think you're getting a bit off track…

Edward: Huh? Oh, sorry. As I was saying, I would like-no, LOVE it at first, but if it got really bad, I would probably start getting scared. After all, if I couldn't stop growing, then how could I get Al's body back?

Sheska: (gasps) Oh my gosh, that would be… that would be like my Hell! But I would write down every single book I've ever read and introduce the world to books, of course!

Bradley: I would have to kill her if Father commanded it, I suppose. She's just a human, after all… She was going to die first, anyways. I admit, however… I have grown very attached to her.

Hughes: (grabs guns and push knives) The person who kidnapped my daughter is gonna PAY. *murder face*

Riza: This is quite difficult to answer, as the Colonel has been a huge factor in my life for a very long time. I wouldn't have joined the military, which would also mean that I would still be shy and withdrawn.

Roy: Well, without the help of the Lieutenant or my master, it's obvious that there wouldn't be a Flame Alchemist. I honestly don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but…

Edward: I hate to admit it, but if he hadn't become a State Alchemist, he wouldn't have been sent to Resembool to recruit me. That might mean that I would've stayed a depressed cripple for years, unfortunately.

Roy: Glad to hear the appreciation, Fullmetal. But I also wouldn't have had the chance to meet such an amazing person like Hawkeye, as well.

**Aww… I live for Royai moments like this :3 Next up is the ever-terrifying Valley of Death!**

**Ed, what would you do if Winry said she loved you? (You skip around this by saying appreciate or something like that, and I will force you to drink milk in your sleep)  
Winry, what would you do if it was the other way around?**

Edward: AGH! (Face goes red) Cesium, Barium, Lutetium, Hafnium, Tantalum…

Winry: Oh great, you broke him. Well…I guess that he can't understand anything but the Periodic Table right now, so… I realized that I've loved the idiot for a long time. I would honestly be very happy if he would stop acting like a chicken and say he loves me already.

Edward: Tungsten, Rhenium, Osmium, Iridium...

**Geez, Ed. Calm down. Now we have DXRough, or, as I like to call them, Diamond in the Rough ;)**

**Dear Envy,  
Why are you so evil? And what would you do if you had to be nice to a human?  
Dear Ed,  
What would you do if you got shorter?**

Envy: Heh. Typical of you lowly worms to label anything that murders your kind as 'evil,' isn't it? And the only time I can think of having to be nice to humans is if I was disguising as one, so… I'm a great actor, so I would easily pull it off, but it would make me want to vomit every minute of it.

Edward: …Screw you, that's what…

Roy: He'd be absolutely microscopic.

Edward: HEY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE WOULD TRIP OVER EVERY ANT ON THE SIDEWALK?!

Roy: (Starts laughing and running for dear life)

…**No comment. Anyways, let's bring out my favorite unlucky kitty, Kitten1313! **

**Dear Hohenheim,  
What would you say to Trisha today if you had the chance?  
Dear Truth,  
Is Nina ok?  
Follow up question:  
Is Shou Tucker suffering horrible pain? And if not, just draw me a map and he will be. (Sharpening machete)**

Hohenheim: If I could speak to Trisha-

Me: GLOMP DA VAN HOHO! *glomp*

Hohenheim: Why do you constantly do this to me?! (Throws me off and stands up) But as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I would tell her that I love her dearly and that I come and would be with her as soon as possible.

Truth: She is doing well, along with her dog. Her father is in quite a bit of pain, but if you would like to enter the Gate briefly to torment him further, it'll cost you. *Creepy grin*

**Word of advice, kids… Don't perform human transmutation or anything, because you'll have to deal with my, uh… associate… Anyways, we have a new reviewer, so give it up for Harryswoman! **

**This is for Ed and Winry: What did you name your kids that were shown in the epilogue and how many did you have in all? Miss Cow said you had plenty. ;)**

Edward: Well, I wanted to name the twins Hydro and Heli (like Hydrogen and Helium), but Winry refused, so we named them Trisha and Drake, instead. Then we had another boy, and we named him Michael.

Winry: Trisha is sweet and caring, while her brothers are always fussing over one another. It didn't surprise me in the least that they act just like their father and uncle… But they're all the most adorable little babies in the world! :)

**Now we have yet another new reviewer! Here's a warm welcome to MystiqueSilver! **

**Hey Alphonse, what if you found stray cat Neko (from 'Project K' if you don't know) and then she transformed into her human form (which is, by the way, naked) in front of you? O.O;  
Hey Ed, what if Winry made you wear the bead necklace that InuYasha wears and starts making you SIT? XDDD**

Alphonse: Well, I love cats, so I'd probably try to sneak her past Brother, but… I've heard of Ms. Neko, and I heard that she isn't very nice. And if she went into human form in front of me…! (Shudders nervously) I-I d-don't know…

Edward: NEVER! She'll have to catch me first! (Flees somewhere far away, possibly Briggs)

Winry: I wish I had one of those…

**So do I, Winry, so do I… Anywho, we have a third new reviewer! *faints* Join the party, Guest 10311!**

**Dear Ed,  
Would you rather be called short or drink a glass of milk?**

Edward: …Grrr… Both are extremely stupid, but… I would rather be called short, because I know it isn't true. Drinking milk would leave a horrible taste in my mouth for _hours._

**And last, but definitely not least, is BabyBlueBeluga! I knew you would review eventually ;)**

**Dear Riza,  
What would happen if you were sent out on a mission that would last you a whole year... alone?  
Dear military crew,  
How would you deal without the famous Hawk's Eye for a whole year?**

Riza: I would bear with it for a year the best I could. I would miss my team, though…

Roy: Things wouldn't be the same without her. But we could deal, right guys?

Hayate: No…

Roy: Guys?

(Team is sitting in a circle)

Breda: I bet twenty bucks that the Colonel is going to get depressed.

Havoc: I bet forty that he'll shove all his paperwork on us.

Fuery: Um… ten that the Colonel does something really stupid.

Falman: Hm. I bet fifteen that he'll be all manic.

Roy: …Remind me _why _I trust you guys with my life again…

**Sadly, I must bring the story to a conclusion… But first, I'll answer some schtuff ;)**

**Griz Lee: I…made you happy? I thought I was only good for pissing people off… XD Well, I'm a female, three hundred year old dragon in the eighth grade. And "Mini-Hiromu"? LOL! If wish I could write half as well as that epic woman… And I think British accents are awesome ;) Even if they're sporadic…**

**LZ: I sense RP time approaching… But would that mean I'm Ganon/Ganondorf? Oh well, it's still fun!**

**Kitten1313: Well…You shall be my unlucky kitty anyways! And I'm glad you liked it :)**

**Kok0RoxGuardian: For some reason, yes! I'm somewhat crazy, if ya couldn't tell! (Evil grin)**

**Harryswoman: I'm happy that it made you laugh! **

**MystiqueSilver: Why thank you!**

**BabyBlueBeluga: You are NOT a bad sister for reviewing late! You'll always be my sis, even if it's not by blood, and even if I accidentally set your iPod on fire when I sneezed. (Oh yeah…forgot to tell you that earlier… Oops!)**

**-IMPORTANT!-**

**At the same time I'm putting up this new chapter, I'm also putting up a new story called "Frozen Angel"! Feel free to check it out and let me know what you think of it! And thank everyone for reviewing and getting me through this tough week! School… Grrr… Anyways, I'll update again on Wednesday!**

**-Dfire**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks so much for your support, guys. I'm so happy to be blessed with the best reviewers EVER! And thank you for the feedback on "Frozen Angel"! I'm happy I managed to creep you guys out ;) **

**I don't own FMA. In fact, all I own is my laptop and spinney chair. WHEEEE!**

**First up is SoulEaterMarie! Can I borrow your Pidgeot? **

**Dear Riza,  
What would you do if you were free to do anything to Roy's gloves?  
Dear Roy,  
What would you do if Havoc ripped your gloves?  
Dear Armstrong,  
What would you do if you couldn't wear your sparkles for a month?  
Dear Winry,  
What would you do if Ed broke your wrench?  
Dear Ed,  
Exactly why do you have a piece of hair sticking up in the front?**

Riza: Technically I am, since I'm the one who guards them. Hmmm… it might be fun, however, to dye them pink… Or put Hayate's paw print on them…

Roy: …Why does everyone like messing with my special gloves?!

Roy: If he ripped my gloves, I would not only steal every woman available to him in Central City, I would give him all my paperwork for a month.

Havoc: Geez, fine! I wasn't going to do it anyways…

Armstrong: I do not WEAR them, my dear reader! I merely INVOKE THEM from my glorious passion that has been passed down the Armstrong line for GENERATIONS! (Rips shirt off in 'passion')

Me: Please put your shirt back on… -_-"

Winry: I would beat him half to death with a screwdriver, make him fix my wrench with alchemy, and then remove the last half of his life…

Edward: Eep!

Edward: Uh… because it's AWESOME? You fangirls know you like it…

Alphonse: Actually, he thinks it makes him look taller. It really doesn't, though…

Edward: I wear it like this because it's cool! Stop telling lies about your brother! *Scowl*

Alphonse: …

**Sure you do, Ed. Up next is DXRough!**

**Dear Wrath,  
What's it like being the youngest homunculus?  
Dear Edward,  
What would you do if Winry married Al?**

Bradley: Well, I don't get nearly as much respect as I like… That's also because my Philosopher's Stone is only made up of one human soul, I age like a normal human, and I'm the most like a human out of all the other Homunculi. It gets a little annoying, to be frank.

Edward: W-well… I would be happy for both of them… (Starts shaking)

May: NOOO! S-Sir Alphonse is MINE!

Winry: Um… Guys? I wouldn't marry Al…

Edward: Oh! Good-I mean… uh… Al should marry who he wants!

May: *Sigh* Fate shall keep us together, my knight…

Alphonse: What the heck just happened?

**Trust me, Al, you don't want to know. And next is lotrprincess, leader of Hyrule ;)**

**Dear Dwarf in the Flask (Father),  
What would you do if I sent LZ (Link) on a quest to eradicate you and your children?  
Dear Olivier Mira Armstrong and Captain Buccaneer,  
Please don't kill me, but do you two have a thing going on behind the scenes?  
Dear Elric brothers,  
What would you do if Envy transformed himself into Edward, Alphonse's body, or your mother? (Assuming he's seen photos of the latter two.)**

Father: I don't really care. But if he got in the way, I would let my children dispose of him however they wished.

Pride: Slice-and-dice.

Envy: Shapeshift into someone he loves then murder him.

Lust: I would spear him like a fish.

Gluttony: Can I eat him? *Drool*

Sloth: …Too…much…effort…

Wrath: Probably the same as Pride, except I would do it with my swords, not shadows.

Olivier: NO. (Sharpens sword)

Buccaneer: I'm with her. (Puts on Mad Bear automail)

Edward: If he turned into me, I'd have no problem attacking him, but I would likely hesitate if he looked like Al or Mom…

Alphonse: It's pretty much the same for me, but I actually might hesitate a bit if he used my body.

Envy: Thanks for the ideas!

…**Great, now he's up to no good… AGAIN… And Olivier and Buccaneer, if you so much as touch my precious reviewer, I will personally lay siege to Briggs. Now we have… (Dun, dun DUUUUUN!) Valley of Death :)**

**Dear Winry, what would you do if you saw Ed and Rose kissing?**

**Dear Riza, what would you do if Roy suggested something that rhymes with Chex (you know what I mean *wink wink*)**

Winry: Murder… (Pulls out wrench)

Riza: Why do all of you believe I am attracted to the Colonel? We do NOT have anything more than a work relationship. Besides, if anyone in the military got any wrong ideas, we'd both be fired.

Roy: … (Thinking: Damn fraternization laws…)

**Star-crossed lovers, hehe… Here are some questions from the unlucky kitty, Kitten1313! :D**

**Dear Ed,  
Besides milk, are there any other foods you refuse to eat?  
Dear Lust,  
Was there anybody you actually did love?**

Edward: Nothing much, really, but... I also really don't like celery.

Me: Finally, SOMEONE agrees with me…

Lust: I don't really have time for that kind of stuff because of the whole Promised Day plan, but… Don't tell anyone this, but in my first few decades or so, I found a rather cute man. I was rather charmed by him, but when I finally outlived him, I truly realized what immortality meant. It means outliving anything you care about. That's when I decided not to ever stray from my true purpose in life: serve my Father.

**That was…deep… And we have everybody's favorite whale/Fuhrer, BabyBlueBeluga!**

**Dear Roy,  
Do you ever want to marry Lieutenant Hawkeye? Maybe have kids?  
Dear Riza,  
How do you feel about the above?  
Dear Hayate,  
What's it like with a family? :3 How are your puppies!?  
Dear dogs of FMA,  
Why are you so attracted to Ed? Is he like a glomping toy or something?**

Roy: Maybe I want to, maybe I don't. It really doesn't matter, since I'm not allowed to get into a relationship with her, anyways. But it's a little annoying whenever Hughes pesters me about it…

Hughes: C'mon, Roy, kids and a wife are the best things in life! Speaking of which, look at my newest pictures of Elicia!

Roy: …I have stuff to do, Maes…

Riza: It's complicated. Besides, I would be a terrible mother.

Hayate: It's so fun! I really, really love my mate, Shiro. And our puppies are doing well! I'm so happy that Riza kept them all, besides one that she gave to Elicia. But I still get to see him, because she and Gracia visit us so often. They bring me turkey and give Riza pie :D

Den: It's fun to hear the clank when his right arm and left leg hit the ground!

Hayate: It's also easy to do, since he's the human closest to our own height.

Alexander: It's awesome!

Edward: Why DO they do that to me?

Me: Uh… Some things are better left untranslated, Ed…

**Up next, we have Z. U! This was an… INTERESTING question… (Flashbacks to Donner Party and shudders)**

**Dear Ed, Roy and Hohenheim,  
If the three of you were stuck in a room with no way out and couldn't use alchemy or anything like that, and you had to resort to cannibalism, which two would gang up and eat the third? (...though I don't think Ed would supply much nourishment, 'cuz he's half-metal, and calcium deficient...)**

Edward: Eww…

Roy: Ugh.

Hohenheim: I need to invent a word that combines both "Eww" and "Ugh"…

Edward: I do NOT appreciate the 'calcium deficient' thing. If I had a calcium deficiency-

Me: Ed, please don't start a full diagnosis on calcium deficiency. Just answer the question.

Roy: I would sooner kill myself than resort to cannibalism.

Edward: For once, I'm with the bastard on this one.

Hohenheim: It would be the same for me, but one, if I could've killed myself, I would have done so centuries ago, and two, I'm immortal, so I don't NEED food.

Edward: Plus, without water, we mortals over here would die within three days. Maybe four, but that is SERIOUSLY pushing it.

***Shiver* O-okay, now we have MystiqueSilver. Don't worry; I'll come up with a corny name-pun soon ;) (P.S. I'll answer everyone's questions later… right now, the spotlight is all for the FMA characters :))**

**Hey Winry, what would you do if Ed goes on a date with some other girl? Same question for Ed… '_'**

To Elric bros.: Hey Ed & Al, what would, if at the time of the human transmutation, Ed was the one who have lost his body and Al the one who lost his limbs?

Hey Riza, what would you do if Roy made you wear a maid costume? And don't gimme all the formal answers!

Hey Dfire, why do you like VAN HOHO so much? -_-;

Winry: He wouldn't live to see another day.

Edward: Uh, don't you think that's a little harsh…? If you went out with another guy, I'd totally be fine with it.

Roy: No you wouldn't. When someone mentioned your brother dating Winry, you freaked out…

Edward: I DID NOT! …I was only surprised is all, since she turned both of us down when we were little.

Roy: Really? Why did you turn them down?

Edward: No, no, don't say i-!

Winry: I don't date men who are shorter than me.

Edward: ARGGHHHH!

Roy: (Cracks up laughing)

Alphonse: No doubt here that I wouldn't have been able to do what Brother did.

Edward: Ugh. I can't imagine if our roles would've been reversed-I mean, I can't even comprehend it-but it definitely wouldn't have happened.

Alphonse: Why?

Edward: Because Truth is a sick bastard who enjoys irony way too much…

Riza: Informal answer, huh? I can actually sum it up in two words: "Bloody" and "Murder".

Roy: *Gulp* But you would look super cute…

Riza: …Sir, do you want your limbs blasted off at point-blank range with an AK-47?

Roy: I'll shut up now… Please don't kill me…

**Don't incur her anger, Mustang. Finally, we have Griz Lee!**

**Dear Basque Gran and Comanche,  
How did Scar kill you guys? You're awesome!  
Dear Glass of Milk (again),  
How do you feel towards Ed?(Don't let Ed find you!)**

Gran: ...I didn't realize the Ishvalan was such a good fighter… I let my guard down…

Comanche: (Censored racist comment… RACIST COMMENTS AREN'T FUNNY! …Okay, I'm German, and I still laugh my head off at German jokes, but STILL.) I let my guard down as well…

Milk: (Shattered on the floor)

Me: AMMY DAMMIT, EDWARD FREAKING ELRIC!

Edward: Hehe… I have the antenna for quite a few reasons, including milk detection. NO MILK SHALL ESCAPE MY WRATH!

**Hehe… Well that was fun, as usual! And I shall make a vow to all of you, here and now…**

**BOTH of my stories will ALWAYS be updated on Wednesday and Saturday unless I die. Oh, that's right… I'm immortal! These deadlines help my procrastination issues immensely ;)**

**SoulEaterMarie: That would suck. I admit it… Havoc is just too adorable! (Wink, wink)**

**Lotrprincess: That's perfectly fine! It's really hard to keep track sometimes, but at least I now have a strict updating schedule :) And you're absolutely welcome!**

**Kitten1313: Trust me; he ain't safe from my wrath, either! (Ain't ain't a word, so I ain't gonna use it…)**

**BabyBlueBeluga: You're never a bad sister! I wuv mah sissie/fuhrer :D**

**FalseFacts: Why yes, yes it does! But it might also be because you have a picture of L right next to your name… lol… And Riza obviously hasn't seen the worst of it yet. Just wait until next Valentine's Day! (Rubs paws together and smiles scarily) **

**MystiqueSilver: It's freaking HILARIOUS to yell Van Hoho, promptly glomping him. But really, when you're immortal, along with being a dragon, it's a bit hard to come by people who accept you. He's so awesome! :) And I find it cool that he really is a good dad, although I LOVE parental Roy/Ed even more…**

**Griz Lee: Facial features? I have blue (sort of a dark aqua shade) scales, a silver horn on my nose, and bright, green eyes. Oh, and my fangs are **_**wicked **_**sharp, so don't get on my bad side! (Too late for Tucker… *Growl*)**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing! See you all (technically speaking…?) on Saturday!**

**-Dfire**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey there, everybody! Thank you guys for all the reviews :)**

**I do not, and I repeat, do NOT own FMA. Otherwise, Roy actually would've sung the Flame Alchemist Rap sometime in the series! First up is my unlucky kitty, Kitten 1313!**

**Dear Tucker,  
Why did you do what you did to Nina? And you better have a really good reason. (Waiting to release the hell hounds on answer)  
Dear Carton of Milk,  
How do you feel about Ed?  
Dear Roy,  
If you had kids what would you name them?**

Tucker: As I have already explained, I would have lost my State Alchemist certification. So that means that Nina and I would've been left without money and thrown out into the street.

Me: Ever hear the saying "Money isn't everything"?

Tucker: Of course it is.

Me: …Please release the hellhounds… *eyes glow red and fangs sharpen* It's hunting time.

Milk: Well, I think- *explodes in alchemical reaction*

Me: EDWARD! Knock it off, you idiot!

Edward: *smug face*

Me: Grrr… MIDGET!

Edward: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE CAN'T EVEN REACH HALFWAY TO THE SINK, YOU SMELLY LIZARD?!

Me: …Let's go outside and settle this, you little shrimp…

Roy: I dunno. If it was a girl, then she would probably be named Nicole. If it was a boy… Maes.

Hughes: Aww, Roy, I'm flattered!

Roy: …Shut it. I like the name; that's all.

Hughes: Hehe…

**Aww! That's really sweet of you, Roy ;) Anyways, I hope nobody has a question for Ed for a while, because… he's kind of unconscious… Next up is Diamond in the Rough! (DXRough)**

**Dear Greed and Lust,  
What do you think about the LustxGreed pairing?**

Lust: Eww. I have no time for such things; especially with a TRAITOR.

Greed: Hmmm… (Looks over Lust carefully) She has a slim figure… Also has a nice rack. I like…

Lust: Pervert. Besides, you're my brother!

Greed: I don't really care. Finest things in life, remember? ;)

**Umm… I'm just going to pretend like I didn't hear anything… Now we have a new reviewer: Sent16! What did you send sixteen of, anyways? Texts? PMs? Cookies? **

**Dear Edward,  
What would you do to the man who killed Alphonse?**

Edward: If someone ever killed my little brother, I would slowly rip them to shreds, then make them EXPLODE.

Roy: Fullmetal, are you… okay…?

Edward: NO. My head hurts because of HER (gestures at me), and I would seriously kill the person who so much as laid a finger on Al!

Alphonse: Brother, no one's going to kill me…

Edward: …I worry about you, Al… And I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to control myself if you died. I would become a murderer.

Alphonse: Brother…

**I feel like a horrible person now T_T Let's give a round of applause up for Harryswoman!**

**Ed, since you gave up alchemy to get Al back, what kind of job do you have? **

**Winry, does Ed help with the household chores? **

**Mei, what are you going to name your and Al's kids? **

**And Ling, will you ever marry Lan Fan since you're the Emperor and can do whatever you want?**

Edward: Well… I'm still in the military.

Winry: Even though I keep telling him to quit so that he isn't always in so much danger…

Edward: C'mon, I'm fine! And I don't need nearly as much maintenance since my arm isn't made of metal anymore.

Winry: What if you get sent to war, huh? What then?!

Edward: I'll be fine. Besides, if things look like they're leading up to a war, I'll probably resign.

Winry: No you won't. And no, he always shirks the chores onto the kids.

Edward: Not all of them! I chopped a bunch of wood the other day…

May: Ah… (Stares off dreamily) Alphonse Jr., Quian, Rei, and Adroa!

Alphonse: O_O Um… it sounds like you've been thinking about this a lot…

May: Oh I have, my darling! :D

Ling: Uh, um…. (Face goes bright red)

Lan Fan: Erm… should I kill them, Your Highness?

Ling: No, it's fine. Uh… She's a skilled guard… I really think she's great at her job…

Lan Fan: Thank you.

Ling: And… and she's very pretty…

Lan Fan: Young lord?

Ling: Okay… Maybe I like her a little bit…

Lan Fan (Hides blush under mask)

**We all know the truth, Ling ;) Princess Zelda has arrived, everyone!**

**Dear Dfire,  
If you lived in the FMA world (as a human), which race would you want to belong to? (Amestrian, Xingese, Ishvalan, Xerxian, etc.)**

Dear Truth,  
Does the Gate lead to the Twilight Realm? Which would make the Homunculi shadow creatures, I guess. Especially Pride.

Dear Alphonse and any other character who'd like a say,  
What would you do if Tucker turned Ed into a chimera instead of Nina? (Inspired by Jordanna Morgan.)

Dear Alex Louis Armstrong,  
What would you do if the Homunculi chose you as the fifth sacrifice instead of Mustang?

Truth: The Gate leads pretty much everywhere. But if you wish to travel through… I think you know it isn't free … Hehe…

Pride: I am blessed that Father chose to shape me into his original form. However, we all have our inner shadows; I'm just the only one who can manifest them.

Me: (Hums Twilight Realm theme) I can't get it out of my head!

Edward: That's… Ugh…

Alphonse: I would've killed Tucker, I'm afraid…

Roy: I can't imagine a half-animal Fullmetal. That's just the stuff of nightmares.

Winry: … (Horrified look) I…I…. DID ED NEARLY GET TURNED INTO AN ANIMAL?!

Me: No, Winry! The reviewer just wanted to know. He was never in that danger…

Winry: Ugh… I wish he would just call and tell me he's all right sometimes…

Armstrong: Oh, I would be so happy!

Me: Uh… Why would you be happy about that…?

Armstrong: (Cries) It would spare the dear Colonel from even more pain! Come, Colonel Mustang, I shall be your shield! (Rips off shirt)

Roy: (Whispers) please hide me…!

Me: Okay… (Shelters him under my wing) Major, I hear that he's over at the office.

Armstrong: I SHALL FIND YOU, MY FRIEND! (Runs off)

Me: *Sigh* Okay, he's gone.

Roy: Ugh. I owe you one.

Olivier: …Idiots…

**Yeah, you owe me, Sparky. Next up is Griz Lee the demon bear!**

**Dear Dolchetto,  
What would you do if a squirrel ran past you?  
Dear Roa,  
Is grass part of your regular diet?  
Dear GreedLing,  
Have you ever been through multiple personality therapy?**

Dorochet: Grab me some knives; we're having SQUIRREL for dinner tonight!

Me: Hey! No murdering the squirrels!

Dorochet: Disgusting creatures… I WILL RIP THEM ALL TO SHREDS!

Roa: No. I just like salad.

Dorochet: Yeah, but doesn't that count as grass…?

Roa: It doesn't count when I put Caesar salad dressing on it. Or raspberry vinaigrette. Besides, it's good for you.

Dorochet: Screw that; I can't live without my meat!

Greed and Ling: No. And we don't plan on it.

**Um… okay then? Next is SoulEaterMarie!**

**Dear Ed,  
What would you do if instead of Al, Winry lost her body in the transmutation?**

Dear Roy Mustang,  
What would you do if the military was required to do the infamous Harlem Shake?

Dear Riza Mustan- errrrrr, Hawkeye,  
BUT WHY NOTTTTTTTTT?! You guys would be adorable together wait! I got an idea!  
What would you do if Roy asked you out and you were REQUIRED to say yes? :D

Edward: Well… I'm not sure, to be honest… But it would be really awkward if she was stuck in the armor, since she would look like a guy…

Winry: Uh… yeah.

Roy: Let's just say I would have a little "accident" that would leave me in the hospital for a couple days…

Breda, Falman, Fuery, Havoc, and Riza: We'll be involved in the accident, too…

Riza: …It's HAWKEYE, got it? -_- If it was necessary, I could pull the acting off quite well, but afterwards, things would just go back to normal.

Roy: That would be fun.

Riza: Colonel. Get the paperwork done NOW.

Roy: Eep! Y-yes ma'am…

**I am totally with you, SEM ;) Now we have FalseFacts! I could stare at that profile picture for hours…**

**Riza, what would you do if you were involved in a freak accident that caused you to go blind?**

Hughes, would you be as obsessively loving towards your child if Elicia had been born a boy? What would his name have been?

Izumi, if you had to become a State Alchemist what do you think your alchemist title would be?

Riza: That would be terrible. If it was temporary, then I'd work without my sight as best as I could. If it wasn't… I would cut myself loose from the military. Obviously I would try to help as best as I could from the sidelines, but I wouldn't be much use.

Hughes: Of course I would! And if we'd had a boy, his name would be Markus :)

Izumi: If someone EVER tried to get me into the military, I would BEAT THEM WITHIN AN INCH OF THEIR LI- (Coughs up blood)

Edward: I actually have quite a few names that she could have. Nightmare Alchemist, Blood Alchemist, Ninja Alchemist, Terror Alchemist, and Hell Alchemist are a few examples.

Izumi: COME HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE! (Karate chops Edward)

Edward: E-EEEEEEEK! (Runs away in fear)

Izumi: Get back he- (Coughs up more blood)

**You're only making it worse, Mrs. Curtis… Next in line is MystiqueSilver of the Ocean! (Meh. Best I could come up with besides Periodic Table jokes XP)**

**Hey Van Hoho! Ok, I mean Hohenheim... What would if you had two daughters instead of sons? (I suggest you watch out… Author is behind you)...  
Hey Ed, what if you met Gajeel (from Fairy Tale) and he ate your automail?  
Similar to Roy…  
Hey Roy, what if you met Natsu and he ate all the fire you make?  
Hey Ed, what if you got turned into glass of milk?  
Hey Olivier, what if you get trapped in a room with Elicia, Mei Chang, Shao Mei, and other kids with their super talkative mode?**

Hohenheim: (Moves to the side just in time)

Me: (Crashes into a wall)

Hohenheim: Ha! Not today, dragon spawn! Anyways, it would be… weird…

Edward: I would transmute the iron he was using into a club and beat him with it. I do NOT want to explain that one to Winry…

Roy: Uh… I would run…

Edward: Useless as ever, Colonel Bastard!

Roy: Shut it.

Edward: UUUUUUSELEEEEEEEESS!

Roy: I said SHUT IT, runt!

(Fight ensues)

Edward: *Pant* I would (Whacks Roy upside the head) somehow throw myself off a… (Transmutes a bunch of water to rain on Roy) HA! Ledge. (Roundhouse kicks Roy in the chest)

Olivier: I would escape… after tying all those brats, and midget panda, to a chair.

**That isn't very nice… Although I had to babysit a bunch of six year olds today, and I almost felt the same way… And now we have questions from Pride the Arrogant (and s-scary… *sniffle*)…**

**But first, Pride, how would you deal with Alex Armstrong, if he were babysitting you, knew that you were Pride, but weren't allowed to kill him?  
Likewise, Armstrong, what would you do to distract Pride?**

Pride: If I couldn't kill the idiot, then I would likely attempt to frighten him. Perhaps throw in a little torture…

Armstrong: …Uh… I do not believe I would be in control of the situation…

**Ugh, Pride just scares me. I have this thing with evil, little children… *shudder* Next is mah Fuhrer, BabyBlueBeluga!**

**Dear Riza Hawkeye,  
What would happen if you were immobilized by Pride and had to watch as Lust killed members of the military? (That does not include Roy and the "chess pieces")  
Dear Roy,  
What if Lust turned to Riza and badly wounded her? Hmmm?**

Riza: I…I would try to get free and save them somehow. Those people are my colleagues.

Roy: I would torch her to death, yet again. (Evil glare) Then I would try to help the Lieutenant as best as I could. I would try to save singing the wound shut as a last resort since… well, all of you know why. I don't want to be forced into doing it twice.

**Aww :( Well, we finally have our last reviewer: Valley of Death! And doom! XD**

**Dear Riza, what would you do if Roy burned Hayate as punishment for stealing his food?  
Dear Ed and Al, what would you do if Ed's attempt at bringing back Al had failed and you were both on the other side of the Gate (yet again proving that Equivalent Exchange is a lie)?  
Dear Winry, what would you do if Ed had taken all of your tools and turned them into a shrine of himself?  
Dear Alex, what would you do if I asked you to 'enlighten' me?  
Dear Ed, what would you do if Winry tried to kiss you? What would you do if someone tricked you into reading yaoi about you and Al?**

Riza: Fortunately, I know that the Colonel would never do that. If, however, he did for some reason, I would likely hit him so hard he'd be seeing stars.

Roy: I love that little dog! Besides, I would be in fear for my life if that ever happened, which I swear it wouldn't.

Edward: Well, then we'd both be dead; end of story. The only reason that Al's body was waiting was because I separated the body and soul in the nick of time.

Alphonse: And even after I returned my soul to my body, Truth let me wait because he wanted to see what Brother would give up. *Sigh*

Winry: There are always the materials for automail lying around… I would beat him so hard with them that he would be forced to transmute my tools back… (Twitches angrily)

Edward, Al, and Roy: ARE YOU INSANE?!

Armstrong: I shall deliver what your heart desires! (Rips shirt off)

Me: -_- I am so glad I'm a dragon… he can't exactly hug me, and if I feel annoyed by his attempts, I can fly away… But you, my friend, should run unless you wish to be crushed to death by a hug.

Armstrong: Not just ANY hug; it is the HUG OF MASCULINITY passed down the Armstrong line for GENERATIONS!

Edward: O_O You just put images into my head… that are very frightening… both with Winry kissing me and that GOD. DAMN. YAOI. I DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY TOWARDS MY BROTHER! Or retarded Colonel Bastard… Or Envy… Or whoever else! (Storms off)

**Okay… I'm with Ed on that one… (Pleasedon'tkillmeyaoifans! *Prays*) I'm just not a huge fan of yaoi, although I understand why people would like it; possibly because one of my best friends (who doesn't have an account) is a HUGE yaoi fangirl. Anyways, I am SO sorry about how late I'm updating this… at least it was on Saturday, like I promised…**

**Kitten1313: No, no it did not… (Plays Taps) R.I.P. one of my favorite drinks…**

**BrookUchiha Daughter of Hermes: LOL SO DID I XDDDD Nawbutreally, it is a really great story by a great author :) **

**Harryswoman: Thank you; I try! ;)**

**Lotrprincess: Wow… that is a really great question… I think Ishvalans are awesome as heck, but to be honest, I'm not THAT religious; something I share with Edward. I don't like Xerxians… they have slavery… I'm stuck between Amestrian and Xingese, but I'm going to have to say… Xingese. I would love to be an assassin :D**

**Griz Lee: Dragons have opposable claws/thumbs, making life so much easier ;) And I'm my own favorite color! Blue FTW! X3 Hi, Hoodster! **

**SoulEaterMarie: …(Pokes your Pidgeot and starts flying away laughing like a crazy person)**

**FalseFacts: Hehe… the characters shall face their worst nightmares on that day! So yeah, it should be fun ;)**

**MystiqueSilver: I'm sorry… I'm not exactly good at making name puns… *Sigh* Only thing I'm good for is reading…**

**Pride the Arrogant: …I don't even know what to say about your name… *Sweatdrops***

**BabyBlueBeluga: Lol, and you say I'M the crazy one… oh, and I think you should put Hayate's wife/mate down…**

**Valley of Death: You… you just laughed like Kululu from Sgt. Frog… That is AWESOME! XD**


	9. Chapter 9

**Let's just cut to the chase today! I don't own FMA: never have, never will. I don't know whether to be sad or happy about that… (Crona moment: I don't know how to deal with that, really…)**

**First one today is Sent16!**

**Sorry Ed, I know that was a tough question, but I really wanted to know. Here's another one for Alphonse,  
Dear Al,  
Have you ever kissed a girl?**

Alphonse: Uhhh… no…?

Edward: Why yes, yes he did!

Alphonse: NO! Wait… how do you even know about that?

Edward: I'm your older brother. It's my job to know these things. But anyways, he actually got dared to kiss this girl named Penelope on the cheek when we were still in school… hehe…

Alphonse: BROTHER! DON'T TELL THEM THAT! …And it was a Triple Dog Dare… T_T

Edward: Equivalent Exchange, my dear brother. Revenge for earlier… *glare*

**Don't take dares, guys! They are evil… And they cause embarrassing moments… *Shiver* Anyways, now Pride the Arrogant has questions for the Homunculi! …I still don't like Pride… not since the threatening Riza incident… :(**

**Dear Lust, if you had to choose between Mustang and Armstrong as a boyfriend, which would you prefer and why?**

**Dear Greed, as you keep saying 'I want everything!' then may I ask…do you also want a boyfriend? And if you don't swing that way, doesn't that slightly counter saying 'I want everything', because you don't?**

**Dear Envy… You a guy, or a girl? Or both? Or none?**

**Dear Sloth, is me asking you a question a pain?**

**Dear Gluttony, is there a difference in taste between Ishvalans, Amestrian and Xingese people?**

**Dear Wrath, you beat Greed with ease, so could you have beaten all of the Homunculi? Not counting Pride of course…**  
**Speaking of…**

**Dear Pride, were you and Kimblee 'Friends'?**

Lust: I hate both of them, but I would definitely choose the Flame Alchemist over Armstrong. He's handsomer, alert and quite good at manipulation, and he has to be strong if he managed to kill ME. But as I mentioned, there are worse ways to die.

Greed: Okay, okay; I admit I should have worded that differently. I mean that I want everything that pleases me. Happy? Now I've got a hot chick to woo, so I take my leave.

Envy: …I'm male…

Me: Yeah, he definitely is. He's just a cross dresser.

Envy: I AM NOT!

Me: One word: miniskirt.

Envy: It's not a damn skirt!

Me: Whateeeeever floats your boat, palm tree. Whatever floats your boat…

Sloth: Zzz…

Me: He didn't even bother, so I think that's a yes.

Gluttony: Yes! Amestrians taste sort of like beef, Ishvalans taste like pears, and Xingese people taste like orange chicken! *Drool*

Edward: I think I'm going to be sick…

Gluttony: I'm so sad… I can't try Xerxian because Lust says he's an important sacrifice… but he smells like ice cream!

Edward: I don't think I'm going to be sick. I KNOW I'm going to be sick…

Everybody else that's human: Us too…

Bradley: I would believe so, but then again, Greed had grown soft. I think the one I would have the hardest time fighting, besides Pride, would likely be… Lust, I suppose. Now this is just a guess, but bear with me. She's cunning, ruthless, and it would be difficult to fight off ten of her spears, even with two swords.

Pride: Well, I appreciate your name. And no; he was just my pawn. Besides, he ended up betraying me in the end… Stupid human…

**Ooh, I wonder WHY he betrayed you, smart one. Next is my favorite demon bear (not that I actually know very many…), Griz Lee! :3**

**Dear Zampano,  
Here's a slop bucket; go crazy.  
Dear Havoc,  
Are you still in the wheelchair, or did someone heal you?  
Dear Gluttony,  
What would you do if you and Lust went to Oktoberfest and couldn't eat any of the delicious, fat, Germans?**

Zampano: …I find that offensive… -_-

Havoc: Nah. Dr. Marcoh cured me first, then the Colonel. I'm so grateful that I can actually walk again! And I've started running to keep myself in shape :)

Gluttony: Aww… *Whines*

Me: HEY! I'm not fat! …*sniffle*I just detest sports… And I sit around reading and daydreaming all day…

Lust: Meh. He can have a couple. I don't care.

Gluttony: Yay!

**Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can keep that Homunculus in line… Next in line is Valley of Death :D**

**Dear everybody with an opinion,  
What would you do if Alex tried to enlighten everyone and succeeded?  
Dear Mustang,  
What would you do if you encountered Envy in the rain?  
Dear Winry,  
How would your life had changed if your parents never died?  
Dear Ed,  
I tell you I like the EdxRose pairing, what is your response?**

**Oh and dear Envy,  
Are you a boy or a girl? Or a genderless palm tree?**

Edward: …No… I hate hugs…

Alphonse: *Squeak*

Roy: Yup, I'm moving back to the east.

Riza, Havoc, Fuery, Breda, and Falman: We're definitely going with him.

Sheska: Is…is it okay if I just slip away and barricade my house? I have enough books to last me about a year…

All the Homunculi except Sloth, Wrath, and Pride: Ugh.

Sloth: Zzz…

Bradley: Somehow, I will have him arrested. I AM the Fuhrer…

Pride: I would slash him to pieces if he so much as came near me without his shirt.

Hohenheim: Who's up for moving to another country, everyone?

Olivier: I would kill him…

All the Briggs soldiers: Shove him towards the Drachmans.

Me: Okay, I like hugs, but NO. I do NOT like pink sparkles on my scales!

Roy: …Crap…

Edward: Ha! You're so useless and pathetic!

Roy: Here, Fullmetal. Have some paperwork… (Evil grin)

Edward: *Flees*

Winry: I don't like to think about that, but… You know? It would've been a lot easier with my mom and dad… And I'm really sad because they never got to see me make my first automail set, or teach me how to ride a bike…

Edward: H-hey… don't cry… You promised, remember?

Winry: …I'm not crying, you stupid alchemy freak! (Whacks him over the head with a wrench)

Edward: OW! What was that for?!

Winry: Your automail is getting rust spots right there on your elbow!

Edward: …Retreat! *Flees again*

Edward: I just told her to get back on her feet because she was annoying me with all her religious crap… Besides, I only met her for one day!

Winry: …Good…

Edward: AGH! HOW DID YOU FIND ME?!

Winry: Easily. Now get over here!

Edward: NO! You'll have to catch me, first! (Runs away)

Winry: Oh no you don't… (Throws wrench)

Edward: Ha… she'll never get m- (Gets knocked unconscious by the wrench)

Me: …I think it's best if I don't interfere…

Envy: Again, I am a GUY, and I am NOT a GODDAMN PALM TREE!

Me: (Thinking: Oh yes you are…)

**He totally is. Anyways, let us move on to SoulEaterMarie!**

**Dear Tucker,  
What would you do if someone, say me, released all your chimeras on you?**

**Dear Roy,**  
**-.- I'm tired of you two denying it, what would you do if you were locked in a room with Riza for 72 hours?**

**Dear Ed and Al,**  
**What would you do if a herd of Yaoi/Elricest fangirls were chasing you down?**

**Dear dogs,**  
**How do you feel towards Roy?**

**Dear Envy,**  
**What would you do if I was chasing you down, and WHY CAN'T I KILL YA?!**

Tucker: I made sure that they were too malformed to attack me.

Me: …Prepare to die. AGAIN. (Bares fangs and claws)

Roy: I guess we would talk to while away the time. Possibly do a little training, since I'm kind of out of practice. And we don't have feelings for each other; so you've been- how do you say it?- OWNED.

Alphonse: UWAH! D-don't let them get me, B-Brother!

Edward: I'll hold off the main wave, and you cover my back!

Me: I'll help you guys! *Sharpens claws and eyes start glowing red*

Edward: HEY! No turning into… *whisper* THAT…

Me: Hm? Oh… sorry… *Eyes go back to normal*

Hayate: I like him a lot! He makes Riza super-duper happy! :D

Den: He smells like a nice person, but he yelled at Edward. But then it made Edward get better! *wags tail*

Shiro: I like it when he visits my puppies :)

Envy: I'd probably kill you, then.

Me: And he's MY androgynous palm tree! (Grabs Envy and hisses at everyone) NO KILLING MAH PALM TREE!

Edward: I thought you said you hated him…

Me: Eh, it's complicated. Sometimes I hate him to death, other times I think he's one of the cutest things to grace this plain of existence :)

Envy: Let… me… go…

**Hehe… NEVER! Here comes Kitten1313, my unlucky kitty! Woot!**

**Dear Trisha,  
What would you say to your sons if you could see them now?  
Dear Roy,  
How do you feel about all the Yaoi stories about you?  
Dear Armstrong,  
What would you do if your sparkles were passed down to one of your sisters instead of you? And can i have some please?**

Trisha: I just want to say how proud I am of my sons. They've gone and grown stronger than I ever could have imagined. I'm sad that they performed human transmutation, but I am so thankful that my babies are alive.

Edward: Mom… I'm… I'm sorry…

Alphonse: Me too, Mom…

Edward: It was all my fault… It was my stupid idea…

Trisha: Hush, the both of you. It's okay, and I'm here.

Roy: *Eye twitches* If I see one… more… (Pulls on gloves and does the psycho face)

Me: Eep! (Hides in Briggs)

Armstrong: I wouldn't mind so much as ADMIRING their BEAUTY! *Cries* That sister would be forever BLESSED! And of course you may have some! (Throws sparkles on you)

**Um… okay, then… Now we have lotrprincess as our last reviewer for today :)**

**Dear Truth,  
Will you send me to the Zelda universe if I payed a kidney? (I only need one to survive, after all.)  
Dear Trisha,  
If you believed Hohenheim had left for good, would you ever remarry?  
Dear Mustang,  
What would you do if, after discovering that Selim was Pride, Hawkeye was turned into the new Lust?  
Dear Alfons Heiderich,  
Did Ed ever tell you that you look just like his little brother?  
Dear Ed,  
What did you do the first time you saw Heiderich?**

Truth: Maybe, maybe not… Hehe…

Me: Don't try to make a deal with this jerk. Even though he can't lie, he'll take something that would be ironically cruel to take from you.

Edward: Yeah… I kind of figured that out a little too late…

Trisha: No, I don't think so. It just wouldn't be the same. Besides, I get the feeling that the kids would have rejected him.

Roy: I already blew Lust up myself, and judging from how this "Father" character works, he gave up the entire emotion to make the Homunculus. But if that happened, I… don't really know… I guess I would try to bring her memories back, but you can never be absolutely sure in those kinds of situations.

Heiderich: So _that's _who he was talking about! He always said that I reminded him of someone he loved, but I never guessed it was his brother.

Edward: Well… at first, I thought I was back in my world when I woke up to Alfons shaking me. But when I said his name, he got all confused and asked how I knew him. That's when I said, "Don't you remember? You traveled with me for three years!" He just frowned, said, "You must have mistaken me for someone else," and then introduced himself as Alfons Heiderich. It was… a huge let-down, to be honest...

**Even though Alfons is from the first series movie, Conqueror of Shamballa, and not Brotherhood or the manga, I just HAD to make an exception… Heck, it's my story, right? ;) I wuv both Alphonse AND Alfons!**

**Sent16: Wow… you're either really brave or really stupid! Ed is going to hunt you down…**

**Pride the Arrogant: …S-scary… T_T**

**Griz Lee: The show makes me super happy! *Giro giro* I'm not humanoid at all… I just shapeshifted into human form. How else would I go to school? ;) And… *sweatdrops*… I'm not exactly what one would call "knowledgeable" on Soul Eater… I need to read more than five volumes and watch more than three episodes first… But it's a great idea; maybe I'll be able to do it sometime in the future! And who DOESN'T like Shou Tucker murder? (Psychotic laugh)**

**Harryswoman: Well thank YOU for reading ;)**

**Valley of Death: Of course I- Oh, crap… RUN! IT'S NATSUMI! (Screams and flees)**

**SoulEaterMarie: "Dragonite" Alchemist? I just cracked a rib from laughter… But my favorite dragon-type Pokémon is Dialga... ;) **

**Kitten1313: Can I come, too? Mwahahahah-*cough* -_-**

**Lotrprincess: Wow, and I haven't even seen it yet! That's actually somewhat creepy... I'll read it as soon as I can :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Heeeeey everybody! I started a "Story Progress" thing on my profile, so if you want to see how any of my stories are going (or just a stupid excuse for not updating in forever… I'M SO SORRY! *facedesk*), just check that out. Anyways, I don't own FMA… If I did, then Mustang would have had his tiny miniskirt harem ;) First off is ****BabyBlueBeluga****!**

**Shiro,  
You're such a doll :) Are you happy with Hayate as a mate?**

Shiro: Thanks! I really, really love Hayate, and I'm so happy to have met him.**  
Hayate,  
How do you deal with so many puppies? What if one got away from you?**

Hayate: They're good listeners, especially ever since Riza trained them :) Although they do get a little skittish whenever they see a gun…

**Riza and Roy ;),  
What if there was no law prohibiting military members to date? Would you guys be together?**

Riza: …I hate you people…

Roy: Uhhh… uhhh… JNRGTJCNTNCJNDJMRJJN!

**I think you broke them… XD Next is…my sparkly, unlucky kitty… ****Kitten1313****…**

**Dear Ed,  
Could you ever forgive your father for leaving?**

**Dear Ed, (evil grin)  
How do you feel about the Mpreg stories about you? (That's for killing the milk)**

Edward: He's a good for nothing bastard. End of story. And you want to know what I think about those horrible things? (Transmutes an axe and sets it on fire) The next person to write one is going to get a little VISIT from me.

Me: …Little _violent_ today, aren't we?

Edward: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THAT BUGS HAVE TO LOOK DOWN TO SEE ME, YOU STUPID, OVERGROWN LIZARD!

Me: Grrr… I didn't intend to say "little" like THAT, you idiot!

**Dear Scar,  
What would you have done if the war never started?**

Scar: …I guess I would have kept training to defend my people, I suppose…

**Dear Tucker,  
What would you have done if you didn't turn Nina into a Chimera? And remember; my hounds are still hungry. **

Tucker: Well, then we'd all be living in a little apartment or something. But as I said, I did it with Nina's best interests at heart.

**I think you fell off that path, oh… five HUNDRED miles ago. Release the hellhounds, Kitten. Make him suffer… (Eyes glow red) …Any…ways… up next is ****IrisTenebris****… (Claws get super long) DIE, TUCKER!**

**Dear Roy, what would you do if Edward transformed into a toddler and you had to take care of him? What if he turned into a cat chimera?**

Roy: They're both physically impossible and mentally disturbing on so many levels.

**Dear Edward, would you like having cat ears as a chimera, and would it annoy you if people thought they were cute?**

Edward: Okay. For once, I agree with Colonel Bastard. And yes, I would be mad! Who the hell would want cat ears in the first place?

**Dear Edward and team Mustang, what do you think would happen if you all got sent off to war?**

Roy: It would be pretty bad if we were sent off to war…

Edward: Ugh. That's the understatement of the year.

Havoc, Falman, Breda, Fuery, and Riza: Team… Mustang…?

**Dear Envy, would you ever go out with Edward Elric?**

Envy: I will kill you ALL.

Me: No! Get back in your cage! Stay away from the readers!

**Dear Riza, do you really shoot at people who slack off at work?**

Riza: Of course not. Can you imagine how much problems that would cause? Everybody just knows to fear my wrath is all.

**Dear Hughes, if you got to return to earth for a day, but you were invisible and only Roy could hear you, what would you do?**

Hughes: That would be horrible… but… at least it's only for one day, and Roy can actually respond to me. I actually wouldn't go to see him or anyone, though, because it would do nothing but reopen old, ugly wounds.

**Annnnnnd finally,  
Dear Black Hayate, woof woof bark woof bark growl woof bark woof woof?**

Hayate: Why yes, yes I do love chicken! :D

**Well… that was certainly interesting. Now we have ****Valley of Death****, who has one of the most EPIC profile pics ever! XD**

**Dear Milk, *slips Ed a sleeping pill* Now what do you think of Ed?**

Milk: Don't care much, y'know. We don't really care about humans.

**Dear Ed, if you had to choose, would you rather fight Gluttony or the genderless palm tree (Envy)?**

Edward: (Starts laughing his head off, still groggy from the pill)

Envy: Wh-NO! I AM NOT A FREAKING PALM TREE! And I'm a MALE.

Edward: Hehe… Probably Gluttony, since he's a lot stupider. Although that really isn't saying much… (Stumbles a little)

Envy: I have centuries more knowledge than YOU, pipsqueak.

Edward: You son of a…! (Huge fight erupts)

**Great; now I have to clean up the bloody mess when they're done. *Sigh* Let's see… here's ****lotrprincess****!**

**Dear Rain and Other Forms of Water,  
What do you think of Mustang?  
**Water: We don't flower…

Me: Wait… oh, I'm sorry! My Aqua is a bit rusty.

Water: It's… okay. Anyways… we… don't really… care. We don't… pay attention… to humans.

**Dear Alexander,  
Were you named after Alex Louis Armstrong? (After all, you're both huge, lovable, and like to glomp Ed.)  
**Alexander: Ooh, who's that? Can I jump on him? Pretty please?

Me: Um… sure. Have fun with that.

**Dear Edward,  
Does the military require you to have shots like you would if you were attending school? If so, what would you do about that?  
**Edward: I'm happy to say no to that. I've never had to get a single shot.

Roy: Actually, we do have to get shots… he just runs away to avoid it. In fact, every time he so much as hears the word 'needle', he gets all jumpy.

Edward: Shut up! No one likes you!

Roy: Hm? Where did that voice come from? (Looks down at his feet) Oh, it's just you, Fullmetal.

Edward: HEY!

**Dear Hawkeye,  
How often do you have to break up fights between Ed and Mustang?**

Riza: (Checks notebook) Well, including the argument just now, about one hundred thirty-three.

Havoc: Wait, you keep track?

Riza: Yes, along with a brief description of each one. About eighty-five percent of them are fights over Edward's… stature, ten percent are over Edward disobeying a direct order or damaging a lot of things, and five percent are just over regular men things like sports and the like.

Falman: *Whistles*

Fuery: Why do they fight over everything…?

Alphonse: I think it's because the Colonel and Brother are so much alike.

Edward: What!? I am NOTHING like that moron!

Roy: Why you little runt… (Yet another fight occurs)

Riza: One hundred thirty-four…

**I feel your pain, Ms. Hawkeye, and I offer my condolences… Next is… *shiver*…****Pride the Arrogant****… (Wait; why am I scared? I'm flippin' immortal!)**

**Dear Pride, who's your top two favorite siblings?**

**Dear Pride (Yeah, again.) Why do you lick your lips when you're about to eat someone with your shadows? Is it just for creep out points?**

Pride: Hmph. I don't really consider myself "siblings" with those inferior, younger creations, but I would have to say Wrath and Envy. Both can easily manipulate themselves into whatever position is convenient, making them excellent pawns.

Me: Do you ever consider anything other than manipulation points?

Pride: Of course. But I just don't care for anyone other than Father and myself. I find that they are all on a lower level. Being on top means that you get to survey all the little idiots and manipulate them as you wish. Having such pathetic emotions as "love" or "sadness" just weakens you. As for your other question, I just think it's amusing to watch the reactions of those who see me do it, since they squirm like the little worms they are.

**Dear Roy, do you ever read Royai stories for laughs?**

Roy: No… (Mutters quietly to himself while staring very intently at the paperwork)

**Dear Alex A., two things, one how do you do that sparkle thing, and two, simply enlighten me.**

Armstrong: Why it is SIMPLE, my dear child! The sheer PASSION that has been passed down the Armstrong line for GENERATIONS is so powerful that the shimmering of light cannot help but appear in AWE! (Rips off shirt) I shall SHARE with you this beautiful PASSION! (Throws sparkles everywhere)

**Dear Ling, what's the worst part besides not being in control about sharing your body Greed?**

Ling: Well… it gets annoying when he tries to use my body to get drunk and then hitch up with a woman for the night, if you take my meaning. Thankfully, he always gets himself so drunk that I can take over for about thirty minutes, which is long enough to make a run for it before anything happens.

Greed: You don't know what you're missing out on.

**Dear Izumi, are you stronger than your husband?**

Izumi: Of course not! (Looks all dreamily at Sig) I'm only a young housewife!

Sig: You flatter me, my dear! You could always carry more bears than I.

**Dear Father, do you think of yourself as Van's brother or son through blood? Like on a family tree.**

Father: I used to consider him as almost a brother, but now I see him for what he really is. He's an ungrateful, lowly human whose blood was necessary for my being to evolve.

**Huh. Moving on, next up is ****Griz Lee**** :D**

**Dear Greed,  
Did you have a "thing" with Martel?**

Greed: She's just my possession… I like to take care of my things, that's all.

Martel: (Pleased snake-y look)

**Dear Breda, *locks Breda in cage with 30 puppies* Good luck!**

(A while later)

Breda: Are you SURE I can't keep them? They're so cute!

Me: No.

Breda: Aww… :(

**Dear Heinkel,  
I'll just leave this dead mouse here, I'll check back later *snicker***

Heinkel: … I'm tempted to either rip into your throat or this thing's… (Stares at mouse and sweatdrops) It… it… Aw, screw it! (Bats mouse around) Heehee!

**Dear Tucker,  
GRIZZLY CUTTA! PWND!**

Tucker: (Slowly coming back to life) Oh crap, not agai- (Blood sprays everywhere from the carcass)

**Thanks, Griz :) Normally I would feel sorry for anyone who has had to deal with constantly being ripped to shreds, but… eh. Tucker is my least favorite character, right next to Yoki. Anywho, the next reviewer is ****MystiqueSilver****! Welcome back to the den of craziness! **

**Hey Al, what if, instead of armor, your soul would have been stuck to a male mannequin? Or what would you prefer except armor or a human body? (By the way, forgot to tell you, you are the cutest little bro I've ever seen! *glomp* *patting on head*) **

Alphonse: Um… That would be reeeally weird… Then I actually would have to wear clothes. And if I couldn't choose armor or a human body, I think I would've liked a… hmm… I guess just something I could move around in, so I could stay with Brother. It wouldn't have to be big, either, just enough to move around pretty freely. After all, not being able to move for three years would be HORRIBLE.

**Hey Ed, I say you behave like a child, what is your opinion? What is opinion of everyone else?**

Edward: …Thanks for the compliment… (Sneaks hand towards bazooka) Anyways, ugh… Colonel Bastard you already know, I think Lieutenant Hawkeye is awesome, Havoc, Fuery, Breda, and Falman are all really cool, I don't like the Homunculi, Teacher EEP, Sig is scary looking but nice, Hughes is a slave-driver (Poor Sheska!), Gracia is really sweet, Elicia is cute, Olivier is scary, Hohenheim can go die in a well for all I care… (Passes out from lack of air)

**Maybe you should've done this amazing thing called BREATHING, Edward… -_- Finally we have ****Z. U****, then I'll have to wrap it up :)**

**Hey, Alexander the dog,  
Why do you love Edward's silver pocket watch so much?**

Alexander: It's so shiny! :D (Starts bouncing and frolicking around)

**Winry,  
What would you do if Den betrayed you by chewing on one of your beloved wrenches?  
(P.S, Please give him a pat from me!)**

Winry: Oh, trust me, she used to when she was younger. It didn't work out so well, since even the lightest wrench I have is solid metal. That's why some of her back teeth are chipped…

**Thanks for reading, guys! I apologize again for the late update :( And as you can tell, I took Z. U's advice, and I think it looks awesome! (I also decided to underline you guys' pen names... Just thought that might be nice.) Let me know what you think about the changes!**

**-Dfire**

**Sent 16****: I've called him that once… He killed me about five times before I could finally knock him out… *Shiver***

**Kitten 1313****: A little crazy, too ;)**

**IrisTenebris****: I like them too! I just wish I had more time to read them. *Sigh* And thank you!**

**Lotrprincess****: He probably would, the sicko! It's pretty much the same for me :(**

**Pride the Arrogant****: Thanks, creeper! :D (Just kidding; you're awesome)**

**Griz Lee****: Lol, it's fine. I've actually been to Oktoberfest quite a few times myself, so yeah! VERY fun place to go to. And lucky! I have to steal them from my friend… who only has four of them so far… T_T (P.S... I read your comment on "I Am Creed", and there actually IS another chimera story I highly enjoyed. It's called "Number 28" by one of my absolute favorite authors, Sevlow. Be warned, however... she doesn't get the nickname "Angst and Gore Queen" for nothing!)**

**MystiqueSilver****: I hate it when that happens, but thanks for reviewing in this chappie! :D ARGH you had to ask! It's hard because I love a lot of them, but I would have to say… (Leaves to think for about two hours) Alphonse and Riza. Alphonse because (Don't tell him or May I said this!) I kinda-sorta have a c-crush on him… *Blushies* I love Riza because she's like my role-model :) I would have to say that Edward is in third place for me, and Colonel Bastard is in fourth ('Cuz they're AWESOME.)**

**Z. U****: I'm glad I made you so happy! And thanks a lot for the suggestion. I kept putting in spaces to separate the questions, but stupid autocorrect or whatever took them away… *Growls* Anyways, 1. That is where I come up with anything good (my bed/ bedroom), and 2. Yes, yes it is. When you're as old as I am, you get to witness the Donner Party firsthand… *Shudder* I STILL have nightmares about it.**


	11. Chapter 11

**It's fightin' time, everybody! (Bonus points for anyone who can guess which show this is from! :D) **

**Anyways, I got a total MINDBLOW the other day… apparently Barrel Rolls are a lie! They're actually called Aileron Rolls… Who knew… Moving on, I do not own FMA. Deal with it. First up is ****Harryswoman****!**

**Ling, did you think Ed would have left you behind when you were trapped in Gluttony's stomach? Did you ever write that book and put Ed as the one who fed the Emperor a leather boot?**

Ling: Nah, I'm his friend. He would never leave me behind!

Edward: As much as I think he's annoying, I wouldn't have left him there. No one deserves that.

Ling: I'm touched, Ed! And no, I never wrote that book. He _did _save my life, after all.

Edward: (Finds a long piece of paper on the ground) Hey, what's this?

Ling: Um… I have to go run a country now… Bye everyone!

Edward: What's his proble- (Reads paper) FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS?! GET BACK HERE, YOU IDIOT KING!

**Ed, does your Elric Brother Telepathy really work? And if one of your kids wants a cat, would you tell them no?**

(About twenty minutes of Ed beating Ling up later)

Edward: Please don't bring that up… I was desperate…

Alphonse: Elric Brother Telepathy? What's that, Brother?

Edward: Nothing… And if one of the kids wants a cat, then… I guess it would be all right… But they would need to take full responsibility for it!

**Al, did you ever get your kitten?**

Alphonse: No, not yet… But I've been having a great time with Xiao Mei! And Ms. Dfire lets me play with her kitty, too! He's kinda evil, though…

**Yeah, Al, he scares me too… (Glances around in anticipation of stalker cat) Next is ****Kitten 1313****! My other, unlucky kitty that's actually NICE to me! **

**Dear Mustang,  
Why do you have to steal Havoc's girlfriends? The poor guy deserves at least one.**

Roy: Well, what's the fun in having no competition? There really isn't any.

Havoc: Well, do it to someone else who actually stands a _chance_, Colonel!

Roy: Hmmm… maybe you're right. Uh… Falman? No… Breda? No… Fuery? No. Armstrong? Definitely not…

Havoc: Okay, okay, I get your point!

**Dear Al,  
I brought you a kitty, enjoy. ;)**

Alphonse: OHMYGOSH THANK YOUUUUU!

**Dear Nina,  
I brought you a kitty too. :)**

Nina: Yay! Thank you! Now Alexander can have another friend!

Alexander: (Wags tail happily)

**Dear Roy,  
You don't get a kitty for stealing Havoc's girlfriends, so Havoc, you get the kitty. (At least Roy can't steal her from you)**

Roy: Fine. I'm not a cat person, anyways.

Havoc: Sweet! I'm gonna name her Solaris! *Cuddles*

Roy: Wait a second… why are you naming her after Lust's alias…?

Havoc: *Scowl* Because she was the only woman you never took from me. Even if she was a Homunculus, it was awesome while it lasted. (Holds Solaris close)

**Um… okay, then. Next up is mah DEMON BEAR! Give a round of applause to ****Griz Lee****, everybody!**

**Dear Yoki,  
Why are you such a sneaky, greedy guy? (I suggest you answer wisely, I'm harnessing my hellfire.)**

Yoki: What are you talking about? It's a dog-eat-dog world out there. I just do what I need to do.

Me: Ugh. Save the hellfire, my friend; the only one here who deserves to die is Tucker. Besides, Yoki is just a natural coward, so he really can't help it.

Yoki: She's right! (Five minute pause until it suddenly dawns on him) HEY!

**Dear Lust,  
What reaction do you get when you go for a manicure?**

Lust: I get manicures without any trouble. After all, my nails are only very long when I extend them.

**Dear Ed,  
Where did your hatred of milk start? Did you even try milk?**

Edward: That… was a terrible day… The day I drank that foul liquid…

Alphonse: Stop being such a big baby, Ed.

Edward: NOW YOU'RE TURNING ON ME, TOO?!

Roy: Go on, Fullmetal… everybody is dying to know what happened…

Edward: But I don't want to…

Alphonse: Brother, just say it for the readers.

Edward: But it's a personal reason…

Roy: Oh come on. How bad can it be?

Edward: Well… okay. The first time I ever tried milk was when I was seven. On that day… (Takes in a deep breath)

Alphonse: Aaaand?

Edward: I skinned my knee, ran into a rock and got knocked out, almost drowned in the river, and… and then… that stupid bastard Hohenheim left us in the middle of the night…

Alphonse: O-oh…

Roy: …I'm sorry…

Edward: (Gets a funny look and stares at Roy) What did you just say…?

Roy: Uh, "I'm sorry"?

Edward: OHMYGODHESAIDI'MSORRY! THEWORLD'SGONNAEND! (Runs around screaming like his head's on fire)

**And Dear Dolchetto,  
Can I blow this dog whistle? Actually, I'll do it anyway. *Blow***

Dolchetto: AGH! I hate you… I hate you very, oh-so-very-much right now…

**Dear Heinkel, Darius, Jelso, Zampano, Roa, Dolchetto, Martel, Bido, Ulchi, Random Bear guy with claws from the Devil's Nest (the one that wanted to rip Al apart), and Creed.  
I will stick you all in a coliseum where you shall fight for me and D-Fire's amusement. Last one standing gets a trophy that *whispers* explodes when touched.**

Roa: I'm getting some bad vibes off this…

Zampano: Uh, me too…

Dolchetto: Well, you guys are right. I didn't just get a dog's loyalty and smell when I got merged with canine DNA, you know.

Martel: Oh, we already know. You tend to lift your leg when you-

Dolchetto: I do NOT! I was going to say HEARING. And he specifically said that the trophy explodes.

Creed: Hm. We're going to have to get the most retarded person here to set it off…

All the chimeras: (Think for half a second) Ohhh Dfiiiiiiire!

Me: What?

Ulchi: Look at that pretty trophy over there.

Me: *Gasp* SHINY! MINEMINEMINE… (Grabs trophy and it blows up) …*Dies*

Jelso: (Flicks bloody organ fragment off his face) Eww…

**Roy: Okay, while she's regenerating, I'm in charge. She planned ahead because she knew this would happen… we're all just surprised it didn't happen sooner. Don't worry, she should be… ALIVE… by the next person… Now up is ****Pride the Arrogant****.**

**Dear Tucker, I only have one question for you really... if keeping your title and rank was so important for you and Nina, why did you change her into a lab freak that could never be normal again, when you could have easily dragged someone from the street? Walk up to someone, knock them over the head with a bottle, and drag them home? Did this not cross your mind?**

Tucker: Oh, it did, but I just couldn't. What if the person was important, and there was a huge panic because they had disappeared? Or what if someone saw me? That would have been twice as bad. Besides, at the time, I had very limited time to think of something.

**Dear Roy, if the secret to flame alchemy is tattooed onto Riza's back...how'd you get her to let you see it? Wink-wink.**

Roy: NO. Just… NO.

Riza: I gave it to him without his asking for it. I just held the back of my shirt up for a few minutes while he sketched it into a notebook, and then nothing else happened. Please, all of you… stop envisioning things in your perverted little thoughts… especially stuff about the Colonel and I…

**Dear Alex A., Thank you for enlightening me! I feel so much better about life...Oh; by any chance would you happen to be a vampire?**

Armstrong: Why you are certainly most WELCOME, dearest reader! And why do you ask if I am a vampire? It is rather strange… Oh, wait! Are you a fan of the series Dfire encouraged me to read known as "Vampire Knight"? It… it TOUCHES me how such a beautiful, young heroine can stay so STRONG in the face of such horrendous perils! (Cries in passion and rips his shirt off)

Edward: I think they were referring to the bane of my name's existence, Edward Cullen from "Twilight"…

Armstrong: Oh! Ah yes, he can sparkle as well! But alas, I am not a vampire…

**Dear Ed, very important question...your mother was tall, your father was tall, Al's human form was fairly tall...any ideas why you yourself are so...not tall?**

Edward: I'm tall! Everybody else is just tall- ER. But I've actually mentioned this before: I think it's because, since Al's blood mixed with mine and we were somehow connected, I think I'm providing sleep and nutrients not just for myself, but for the both of us. That's why his body is still alive up there.

**Dear Father, does creating the Homunculi count as human transmutation, or does those only come into it when someone tries to make a soul?**

Father: It does not count as Human Transmutation. I simply reached inside myself for one of, as the humans call them, Seven Deadly Sins. From there, it was only a matter of transferring enough of the souls I had collected into that emotion, and a Homunculus was born.

**Dear Al, what do you think of a certain Xingese princess? Anything romantic?**

Alphonse: O.O …Uh… uh… Brother, help me!

Edward: You betrayed me, little brother, so this is payback!

Alphonse: B-Brother!

May: Yes, Sir Alphonse… what do you think? (Stares at him dreamily)

Alphonse: Uh… sh-she's a really nice girl… I like her panda… and she's really good at healing…

May: (Faints in happiness)

Alphonse: (Runs away)

**Dear Truth, I know you're cruel, you know you're cruel...but what would I have to give to get to the Fullmetal Alchemist world? A leg? an arm? Maybe two?**

Truth: I'm not 'cruel', really… I just show the truth of the world. You humans probably do not understand this concept, but there's a natural order.

**Dear Pride, does it bother you that Roy ended up getting his eye sight back from that Human Transmutation when that same act made your container crack, which led to your losing?**

Pride: Of course it does. Here I spend a ton of souls/ energy, I die, and then he gets it all back in the end, and everyone is happy. It pisses me off…

**Hey, everybody! I'm pretty much back to normal now, so- *Hack cough WHEEZE* (Coughs up burnt tissue) Uh… next is ****Z. U****…**

**Dear Edward,  
Two things;  
A) Why are you scared of shots? And,  
B) What was your first thought when you saw Alphonse's body when you were leaving Gluttony's stomach? (For me, it was 'Gee, Alphonse needs a haircut!') P.S, Pat the doggies some more for me! Kawaii! Good doggies!**

Edward: I'm not afraid of shots. They just put me a bit on-edge, is all. I think it just has something to do with the fact that every time I get a flu shot, I get really sick. And… okay? (Starts petting Hayate, Alexander, Den, Shiro, and Hayate's puppies)

**Lol. For some reason, whenever I get a shot, I can't stop giggling like a crazy person. It's just like a natural reflex… Now here's a new reviewer, ****Chibineko Senju!**

**Hey Roy,  
Do you like waffles? If not... You're a weirdo. 0.o**

Uh… yes…? I like them…

**That wasn't random in the slightest! Moving on, now we have ****lotrprincess****! :)**

**Dear Edward,  
Can you swim with automail? Have you ever had to be saved from drowning?**

Edward: I can, but it really isn't easy. And afterwards, I would need to do a TON of maintenance or run the risk of my automail rusting.

Roy: Oh yes, he's nearly drowned.

Edward: Shut it! We don't talk about the 'incident'! And I was barely conscious then…

**Dear Yoki,**  
**What would you do if Pride wanted revenge for when you hit him with a car?**

Yoki: (Starts trembling) I-it's the kid you want! Here, take him, not me! (Holds Edward up like a shield)

Me: Get your hands off him, you coward.

Edward: (Transmutes automail sword) Let go or I will RUIN you!

**Dear Winry and Edward,**  
**Who were the best man and bridesmaid at your wedding?**

Edward: Well, I'm pretty sure that you all know who the best man was. None other than my awesome little brother! :)

Winry: And the bridesmaid was Paninya! It turns out that she's a really awesome planner, and she gave me a lot of support.

**Dear Olivier Armstrong,**  
**What would you do if your brother Alex tried to ENLIGHTEN you and the rest of the Briggs soldiers?**

Olivier: Well, there's an old saying up here in Briggs… "Nothing a sharp sword can't fix".

**Dear Dfire and Mustang,**  
**Between the two of you, who would win in a fire-shooting contest? Let's assume there's no water around.**

Roy: Well… we read your review and thought it would be a great idea. She won (three hundred years of practice pays off), but then… she kind of went all pyro on us. It took everybody to restrain-

Me: AHAHAHA! FIREEEEEEEE! (Thrashes against chains and fireproof muzzle)

Roy: And it'll be a while before she settles down…

Me: RELEASE ME, INFERIOR HUMANS! I WILL RIP OUT YOUR #$%^&* SOULS! BURN, BUUUUURN!

Roy: -_-"

**Edward: Okay, it's my turn to play host! ****Anonymousgal****, another new reviewer, is up next!**

**Dear Ling,  
How do you react to EdLing pairings, and if Ed was a girl would you bang her?  
Also, how does the rest of the FMA cast feel about Ling's answer?  
P.S. Greeling, will you let me become your ONE AND ONLY concubine?**

Ling: I find them very disturbing. And _no_, I would NOT.

Edward: …

Winry: …

Havoc: Yeah… and wouldn't that make Ling a pedophile?

Ling: Um… I'm actually a few months _younger _than Ed…

Everybody but Edward: O_O

Edward: S-shut up! I'm getting taller!

Greed: Well, I hate to interrupt this little debate, but, Ms. Anonymousgal… Are you hot?

Ling: Greed! Knock it off!

Greed: Hey, I probably wasn't going to do it! Besides, 'one and only'? That would be impossible, sweetheart. If I like what I see, I take what I like ;)

**Riza: Yep, it's my turn, now, since Dfire is still… recovering… at the moment. Here are some questions from ****Valley of Death.**

**Dear Ed,  
What if, for some reason, the military made you dress up as a shrimp?**

Edward: First, I would find the person who made me do it and beat them senseless. Next, I would find anybody who so much as laughed and do the same to them. Finally, I would shred all the completed paperwork on Colonel Bastard's desk, because I know he would be involved somehow.

**Dear Tucker,  
ReaperCHOP!**

Tucker: No! Not again! (Lying half-dead and broken on the ground)

**Dear Al,  
What would you do if I said you are my favorite? (You are)**

Alphonse: Well, thank you very much! I appreciate it :)

**Dear Black Hayate,  
Woof woof growl whimper bark woof bark?**

Hayate: Well… I like cats OKAY, I guess…

**Hey, everybody, I'm back! Sorry about the wait… I had to get Okami therapy… Next up is yet ANOTHER new reviewer, ****Guest****! (Lots of new people in this chapter… :D)**

**Hey Ed,  
How tall are you? I think I might be the same height as you (I am a year or two younger than you).**

Edward: *Whispers* About five feet…

Alphonse: To be exact, he's 4'11", without the boots and his hair sticking up.

Edward: SHHH! Colonel Bastard's gonna hear you!

Roy: Can you say that again, Alphonse? Everybody really wants to know.

Alphonse: I said he's-

Edward: Al, I am NOT afraid to shamelessly embarrass you in front of everyone… *Threatening glare*

Alphonse: Oh… sorry, Colonel, I… must have forgotten…

**Dear Roy and Riza,  
I'm sorry you have to deal with false accusations about how close you two are (I'm talking about Royai).**

Riza: Thank you. At least SOMEONE agrees.

Roy: Yeah, it gets kind of hectic around the office when rumors are flying all over the place about the two of us.

**Hehe… I'm a Royai fan and freakin' PROUD OF IT! And for our last set of questions, there is yet ANOTHER new reviewer, ****Fluffy****! **

**Dear Ed, have you tried, in anyway, to make yourself appear taller? If you have please do tell. If you haven't I suggest drinking milk. It's GOOD for you.**

Edward: No I haven't, and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

Alphonse: That isn't true, Brother. The platform boots and hair-

Edward: Al… do you want me to tell everyone about the nightmare incident when you were seven?

Alphonse: *Gasp* You wouldn't!

Edward: Oh yes I would…

Alphonse: I'll stop, Brother! I'm sorry!

**Dear Palmtree (Envy), if you were somehow put into your baby embryo form and put into a fish tank - that you couldn't escape from - and I kept poking the glass, what would you do?**

Envy: Make a plan on how to get a Red Stone, and patiently plot your demise…

**Dear Truth, how do you judge what to take from a person who commits the taboo?**

Truth: I wouldn't expect you humans to understand, but I'll attempt an explanation. You see, when I show somebody the "truth of the world" when they go through the Gate, in exchange, they must face the truth of THEIR world, or basically their life. For example, Edward, who wished to be able to stand for himself, lost his leg. Alphonse, the boy who so desperately craved his mother's embrace, got his body taken away, and so forth. Humans would say it was ironic and cruel, but it's just the way of the universe.

**Dear Roy, on any given work day do you think get enough paper work to make a thousand paper cranes? I read somewhere that if you make a thousand paper cranes one of your wishes will come true! What would you wish for? Personally I'd wish for an AK-47. Such a cool weapon!**

Roy: Are you kidding? I probably have enough for TEN thousand. And even though that's really illogical, I guess it would be really fun. I would probably wish for… all female military officers to be in miniskirts for a month… :D

Edward: *Sings* Old perrrrrveeeeert!

Roy: I'm not a pervert! And stop calling me old, you miniature shrimp!

Edward: Grrr… (Transmutes a bunch of water over Roy's head)

Roy: (Soaked and seriously angry)

**Dear Pride, you're the oldest but you look like the youngest. Does that bother you? Father had to create your body; do you wish he would have made it more mature looking?**

Pride: I am grateful to Father for the way he made me. While it sometimes does get annoying, no one dares to poke fun at it. Besides, humans are so stupid that they refuse to attack me, even if I'm about to kill them, because of a pathetic wish to not hurt "an innocent child".

**I think it's creepy. I just have this…THING… about evil little children… *Shivers* **

**Oh my gosh, guys, I can't believe I have over a hundred reviews! I don't know how many I was expecting, but I didn't think I'd get a hundred until chapter TWENTY or something! I honestly can't thank you guys enough, because it really does make my day answering your questions.**

**Kitten1313****: I love it too! I just wish I had thought of it sooner.**

**Griz Lee****: You sure do like to torture the chimeras, huh Griz? Lol… and I think you have to put spaces between the letters and stuff when you're putting the name of a website or something up. I have no idea, but I've seen people do it, so… yeah. **

**Pride the Arrogant****: Oh, you THINK it isn't Pride? (Starts laughing) Anyways, my favorite/most hated Homunculus is Envy. How, you may ask, can he be my least and most favorite at the same time? Well… I love him almost all the time, but I was screaming my head off in anger when he killed Hughes and when he later BRAGGED about it to Roy. And also when he bragged about killing the Ishvalan child… Grrr…**

**Z. U****: I love listening to you guys, it's so cool :) And the funny nonsense shall continue for a VERY long time, my friend! ONE HUNDRED REVIEW ANNIVERSARY THINGY! **

**Chibineko Senju****: I swear, I was sitting there for twenty seconds thinking, "**_**What the heck…?" **_**after I read your question XD I have a slow mind…**

**Lotrprincess****: YES! I said something worthy of a bad pun! Life goal is complete! WOOT! (Randomly explodes an orange)**

**Guest****: When you said "Dear author of this amazingness", I tried searching for a fanfic that was named "This Amazingness" as a joke… I present to you, dear reader, that there are none. T_T**

**Fluffy****: I like AK-47s, too! *Maniacal laugh* And I loved answering your questions! :)**

**Well, that's all for me today, folks. PEACE! Now if you'll excuse me… I have a Pewdiepie/FMA/Naruto all-day marathon calling my name ;)**

**-Dfire**


	12. Chapter 12

**Yay, I'm not dead! Well, I actually can't die, but… you get my drift. SORRYZ! I got in trouble, so NO ACCOUNT. I went through some pretty heavy writer's withdrawal while I was waiting to get it back T_T**

**I don't own FMA… that would be even more sinful than the Homunculi (considering they're named after the Seven Deadly Sins, and I think making one is a sin in general…).**

**First up today is ****Harryswoman****!**

**Ling, you have enough money now, quit putting your tabs on Ed! How does it feel to have Al as a brother-in-law?**

Edward: *growls* The lazy ass has ALWAYS had enough money. He just thinks it's hilarious to do…

Ling: Hey, you know I've cut back, especially since you don't have a bunch of State Alchemist funds or whatever anymore.

Edward: Yeah, but you're still mooching off of people…

Ling: Just be grateful it isn't you! And I'm not brothers-in-law with him yet. Alphonse and May are still dating, but we're placing bets on when Al will propose ;)

**Winry, what does Ed do now since he can't do alchemy anymore and is taller than you now? Btw, did he ever hold the height thing over you?**

Winry: Well, he's thinking of leaving the military soon, which I'm grateful for. He's still looking for a job, but I bet it'll be related to science in some way. And what do you think? Of COURSE he still holds the height thing over me.

**Well, after that many years of teasing, I would, too. Next up is ****Pride the Arrogant****!**

**Dear Roy, how long have you known Riza?**

Roy: Well, it certainly has been a long time. I think I got apprenticed to her father when I was about twelve or thirteen, so about seventeen or eighteen years.

**Dear Riza, what would you do if Roy died by Pride's hand?**

Riza: I admit I would probably be blinded by grief and anger and go after the Homunculus; at that point, I don't think death would be a large enough threat to make me _not _go after him.

**Dear Pride, why didn't you strike Kimbley's body when he could have easily been dead?**

Pride: Maybe I just didn't feel like it, all right? -_-"

**Dear Olivier, can you sparkle or has it only been passed down to the men of the Armstrong line?**

Olivier: …Maybe I can, maybe I can't…

Me: *whispers* I've seen her sparkles. They're even brighter pink than her brother's…

Olivier: WHAT was that? (Evil glare)

Me: E-Eep! (Runs away)

**Dear Alex, have you ever taken a life?**

Armstrong: Yes, I have, in the war. I also made it possible for hundreds more to be killed…

**Dear Truth, is it boring sitting in front of that gate, or do you only sit in front of it when you know people are coming?**

Truth: I am only there if someone is coming. Otherwise, I'm sort of… all over the place, really; just casually observing the world.

**That sort of reminds me of me, oddly enough. Next up is my unlucky kitty, ****Kitten1313****!**

**Dear Roy,  
What would you do if all female officers really did have to wear miniskirts?**

Roy: That would be so AWESOME. :D

Edward: I'm telling you guys, he's an old pervert.

Roy: SHUT it, Fullmetal…

Edward: You can't make me do anything, bastard! NXRAKEIRFUAJUER! (Transmutes Roy's office pink before taking off)

Roy: That little… (Sets off in hot pursuit)

Me: …I might have given Ed a bunch of sugar… Oops…

**Dear Tucker,  
I'm still mad at you. Attack, my hellhounds!**

Tucker: Wait, nononon-! (Gets ripped to shreds again)

**Dear Ed,  
Run! My hounds want to play with you! I can't control them when they get like this; they love shiny metal.**

Edward: AHAHAHA! SUGAAAAAAR!

Alphonse: Brother, you're going to be killed!

Edward: (Transmutes a bunch of little Shou Tucker models) Watch and learn, my dearest little brother.

(Hellhounds all find a Tucker model to gnaw on)

Alphonse: How does that even work…?

Edward: It's a proven fact that all animals hate Shou Tucker.

**Dear Havoc,  
What would you do if you found a woman that's truly not interested in anyone else but you?**

Havoc: Ahhhh… (Starts daydreaming) Come here, sweetheart…

Me: …Is it just me or is this fic getting more and more awkward as time passes?

**Uh… okay then, Havoc. (Clears throat) Our next reviewer is ****9foxgrl****! She kind of reminds me of the fox in my other story for some reason…**

**Dear Alex A. & Buccaneer  
What would your reactions be if you found out that Olivier & Miles were secretly a couple?**

Armstrong: At last, my darling sister has found someone she can share her PASSION with! I shall prepare for a wedding WORTHY of the glorious ARMSTRONG LINE! (Rips off shirt)

Buccaneer: (Punches Miles and scowls)

Miles: OW! I'm not in a relationship with the general…!

Olivier: Alex, if you don't shut up and put a goddamn shirt on, I will KILL you. Buccaneer; don't unjustly attack a fellow soldier. Miles, get to work on our latest defenses against Drachma. And 9foxgrl… I'm warning you… (Glares)

**No killing the readers, Olivier! Next up is ****WritingSadist****, whose name makes me a bit nervous on the kind of stories they write… **

**Have you guys watched Nullmetal Alchemist?**

Edward: No, because a certain winged reptile refuses to let us watch it.

Me: I LOVE Nullmetal Alchemist, but the kind of damage (mental, relationship, or pretty much any other kind) it could do to the FMA characters is unbelievable XD

Winry: Geez, it can't be that bad.

(Shows her a two minute clip)

Winry: (Extremely pale) Y-you're right… I take back what I said…

**Ed and Roy, what do you guys feel about RoyEd? I personally love it; it's the only pairing I like.**

Edward: #$% NO.

Roy: …Ugh… (Holds back vomit, just barely)

Riza and Winry: …

**Sorry all you RoyEd fans out there, but… I just don't care much for yaoi (PLEASEDON'TKILLME). Anyways, next up is ****Valley of Death****!**

**Dear Genderless Palm Tree,  
How do you feel when people continue to call you that? What would you do if I called you a cross-dressing male palm tree? Would that make you happy?**

Envy: (Sarcastic, evil laugh) Ahaha. How would YOU feel about ME ripping off all your limbs and then absorbing your soul, very slowly and painfully?

**Dear Ed,  
*Long silence* Midget.**

Edward: You know what? SCREW you and everybody ELSE. (Storms off muttering that everybody else is just freakishly tall)

Me: Oh, Ed, come back here! We're only joking!

Roy: _I'm_ not. That kid is TINY.

Me: Not helping! -_-

Edward: IT'S NOT FREAKING FAIR!

**Dear Colonel Bastard (Roy),  
I pit you against the waters of Mars from Doctor Who (assuming they made it to earth) do you even stand a chance? What does everyone else think?**

Roy: First; why does everyone want to pit me against water based opponents? And second; how am I even supposed to fight a virus thing?

Edward: Well, I don't want to be infected. I say we leave the Colonel to fight the waters of Mars, use a rocket to escape to another planet, and maybe send a space probe a month later to see how the fight is going.

Roy: We don't have planes, much less rockets, in our world, Fullmetal…

Edward: So? We can just steal them from this one.

Roy: No one in our world knows how to operate something like that.

Edward: …Maybe I can learn…

Roy: Face it, kid, the virus reaches here and we're as good as dead.

**I apologize if any of my information is off, since I had to look this up on Wikipedia. (Despite my close friends' urging, I have not watched Doctor Who yet. *sigh*) Next up is ****Fluffy****!**

**Dear Hawkeye, I must ask how you put up with Colonel Pyro. With him not doing his paperwork and his fantasy about mini-skirts that borderlines an unhealthy obsession, I would've at least shot at him once. You must have a lot of patience.**

Riza: Someone finally understands. Thank you. It does get a bit hard at times, but I've pretty much gotten used to it after all these years.

Roy: I find that offensive…

**Dear Ling, you've pushed a lot of bills onto Ed right? What is the largest sum of money you've made him pay for you?**

Ling: Oh, let's see… I believe it was fifteen thousand dollars and twenty-three cents.

Edward: Yeah, and I let him know that if he so much as makes me pay more than thirty for him that somebody's going to die in their sleep. I need the money for freaking RESEARCH. (And money for all the hotels we have to stay in, as well as the train.)

**Dear Ed, I'm taller than you but then again so is everyone, just thought I'd point that out. Anyway I do have a question, I'm not here just to antagonize you even though that is really fun. When you are in a crowd trying to see something farther away - and it obvious that you can't see over the top of them - what do you do?**

Edward: You are seriously pushing it right now…

Me: Uh, he's actually taller than a few people. He's taller than Nina, May, all the dogs and cats, Gluttony, and Elicia. That's all I can think of, but there are probably more. Oh, and by the end of the series, he's taller than Fuery, Winry, and POSSIBLY Riza (Or maybe they're the same height. I'm too lazy to check). Also, he's almost as tall as my human form.

Edward: I never thought I'd say this, but you're really, really awesome.

Me: Aw, thanks! Now answer the question.

Edward: I would either move to the front of the crowd or use alchemy to make a platform or something, I guess. Or I could just pass the crowd by, since I'm not really a big fan of being surrounded by people.

**Dear Hughes, you've photographed every part of Elicia's life right? What would you say was the cutest part?**

Hughes: Ooh, that's a really hard one! Let's see… (Pulls out a bunch of pictures) Hang on a second. (Keeps pulling hundreds of photos out of nowhere)

Everybody: (Jaws are slowly dropping)

Hughes: (Hundreds of photos are still being pulled out of nowhere and showing no signs of stopping)

Me: HUGHES! There is a fine line between love and obsession! Just PICK A TIME PERIOD. Everybody knows you have those photos memorized.

Hughes: (Stops pulling out pictures) Oh, fine… but you all have to look at these with me! Anyways, I think she was cutest when she was born. What a lovely shade of pink! (Picks up newborn photo and smooches it) Ah, my dear little angel~!

**Dear Mustang, I'm trying to get out of doing my homework, and since you're always trying to get out of doing your paperwork, so maybe you have some tips for me? How do you try to get out of doing your work?**

Roy: Now, the trick is to lower everyone's expectations. Make them think you have gotten no work done at all, then turn in the little you actually have done. I find that not only does it drastically reduce the workload; it's a whole lot easier and gives you more free ti-

(Safety lock on a gun clicks off)

Riza: Colonel…

Roy: Uh… I mean… don't shirk your work! Anyone can get good grades if they work enough, and… uh… you'll be more successful in life.

**Lol. I hate to say it, but it's true. Not like I want to do all my homework, though *coughPOLYNOMIALSSUCKcough*. ****Lotrprincess**** is up next!**

**Dear Mustang and Edward,  
What is this "incident" you are referring to?! I'm too curious not to demand a full explanation!**

Edward: Don't you DARE tell them.

Me: But the readers need to know…

Edward: I DON'T CARE!

Roy: But I want to tell it.

Edward: No, you're not going to- (Gets knocked out by a flying wrench)

Winry: I want to hear it, too!

Roy: Well, now that that's taken care of, I can tell it. I was out on a walk on one of my days off, and I just happen to walk by the lake. The first thing I see is Alphonse freaking out by the shore (note this was before he remembered his trip through the Gate or he could easily have transmuted something to save his brother). Then I saw a red coat floating on top of the water, and I realized what was happening. I jumped in (and no, I did not have my gloves on) and dragged him out.

Riza: Then a bystander had to save the both of them because the Colonel can't swim very well and the weight of Edward's body and automail was dragging him down.

Roy: *Hisses* You weren't supposed to tell them that, Lieutenant!

**Dear Elric brothers,  
What would you do if you'd found a Philosopher's Stone, used it to restore yourselves, and then later found out how they are created?**

Edward: (Rubs bruise on head) Ow…

Alphonse: That would be so horrible…

Edward: We'd probably- (Al hands him an ice pack) oh, thank you, Al- try to make it up somehow. I'm not exactly sure how, but we'd find a way.

**Dear Scar,  
Did you use alchemy to help rebuild Ishval?**

Scar: No. It would be a terrible thing to do such things in front of my kinsmen. We rebuilt our homes by hand. Despite taking a long time, we've got almost everything done.

**Dear Pinako,  
Where were you when the brothers came home after the Promised Day? What did you do when you finally saw them?**

Pinako: Hehe… I knew they were coming all along, I just never told Winry because I wanted it to be a surprise. So after they had finished getting caught up, we had a nice dinner together as a family. It wasn't anything fancy, mind you, but it didn't really matter. We were all just so happy that the boys finally got their bodies back.

**That may be cheesy, but I think it's awesome and sweet :) Next up is ****SunshineSketch****!**

**Phew, I'm feeling kinda nervous but... Edward, will you please go on a date with me!? You're way better than Mustang!**

Edward: Ehehe… Everybody knows that I'm better than Mustang! But… I don't know. I kind of have somebody waiting for me already.

Hughes: Thank God you're taking my advice for once! So when are you and Winry going to have ki-?

Edward: SHUT. UP. HUGHES.

**Moving on, next is ****EeveeAlchemist****! **

**Dear Falman,  
What did you do besides play chess to keep yourself occupied while you were babysitting Barry?**

Falman: I tried having a debate with him, but that didn't really work out so well. Occasionally I would read a book, but I had to look up every five seconds to make sure I wasn't about to be sliced to pieces.

**Dear Barry,  
What did you do to keep yourself distracted from the need to kill? Oh, and by the way, there's a pass in the envelope. If Dfire allows it, it's a free pass to go chop up Tucker.**

Barry: Well, I would go out and kill somebody's cow or pig or something. Then his (points at Falman) friend brought me markers and crayons! I got to draw all over the walls!

Falman: I have never seen such disturbing pictures in my life…

Barry: You're just jealous of my artistic talent. And thank you! Can I, can I, can I PLEEEEEASE chop him up! I've always wanted to chop up somebody with glasses!

Me: Go right ahead. I don't care.

Barry: WHEEE! (Runs off)

**Dear Nina,  
Hi, little one, I brought you and Alexander a little friend. *Takes out a small black lab* Her name is Missy.**

Nina: Ooh she's so CUUUUUTE~!

Alexander: (Tries to act all cool) Hey there, sweetie. You come here often?

Missy: *blink* *blink* Hello! :3

**I'm so sorry I couldn't update in so long, guys. As an apology, I'll post TWO chapters at the same time! (It works, despite being a very crappy "Equivalent Exchange". You're all so awesome to me… T_T)**

**9foxgrl****: Thanks! **

**WritingSadist****: Heck yeah, I love Pewdiepie! I'm a bro to the core :D**

**Valley of Death****: Lol, I only took an educated guess how Creed would respond to something like that. I'm happy I didn't screw anything up!**

**Fluffy****: I'm not even close to useless in the rain. I've got wings, claws, magic, size, and various different breath weapons (i.e. ice, poison, electricity, etc.), to name a few ;)**

**Lotrprincess****: Nah, you're good. I haven't gone pyro in AGES, and it was getting really boring!**

**Bye everyone! As always, thanks for everything! You have my permission to whack me if you want… *BAD AUTHOR* T_T**

**-Dfire**


	13. Chapter 13

**Yay, part two! Well… not much to say now besides the disclaimer!**

**I obviously do not own this amazing show that, when I watched the last episode, I may or may not have cried.**

**The magical list says that up first is ****Z. U,**** or should I say ****ZakuroU****? Congrats on getting an account, my friend! **

**Dear Alphonse,  
Do you like guinea pigs? I have a guinea pig. She is cute.**

Alphonse: Of course I like guinea pigs! They're not as good as cats, but they are SOOOO cute, especially when they made those little squeaky grunting noises! :D

**Dear Edward,  
If you wore a hat, would it flatten your hair-spike or would the hat sit on top of it?**

Edward: Um… considering that it's hair and not a harder substance, the hat would probably flatten it…

**You know, I think he would look cute in a hat… :D Next is ****Awesome blue Sapphire****!**

**Dear Edward,  
What would you do if someone shoved a glass of milk down your throat?**

Edward: Let's play a little game called "Guess the Reaction". Your options are as follows: a) Rip a hole in the person's throat, then pour the milk down it, b) Club them over the head a few times before transmuting all their clothing into a see-through material, or c) If it was a random palm tree, slice all their hair (fronds?) off and call them the opposite sex of what they really are (Then give them clothing for their opposite gender); in the case of a random, pyromaniac colonel, dump a bunch of water over their head, soak every last one of their gloves, and punch the cocky smirk right off their face, which they most likely have.

**…Yeah, I think we all know who he's talking about… Anyways, next is ****Chibineko Senju****! (I get the feeling that there are many cat lovers amongst my reviewers… XD)**

**Dear Roy,  
Do you like pancakes?**

Roy: Sure, I guess…?

**P. S, I send waffles to everyone! (Except Shou Tucker) :D**

Everyone: *Omnomnomnom*

Tucker: …

Me: (Gasps) Oh, man, I totally forgot! Tucker has to be killed at least once in any chapter that he makes an appearance in, even if he's quiet. Hmm… what's one I haven't tried yet… Oh! I've got it!

Tucker: I have a really bad feeling about this…

Me: Don't worry, I was just kidding. The "killing Shou Tucker joke" is starting to get old.

Tucker: (Sighs in relief) Thank y- (Gets hit by a random car)

Me: I pride myself on not lying very much, but there are exceptions, such as Tucker. Everyone agree?

Everyone: Mmhm. (They all go back to eating the waffles and ignore the bloody stain on the ground)

**I would believe that all of YOU agree with me as well ;) Next up is ****Anonymousgal****!**

**Dear Roy,  
How are you adjusting to clap transmutations? Has Edward ever taken your gloves knowing you can kick his ass using another type of alchemy?**

Roy: As far as I know, he's never attempted to steal my gloves.

Riza: I beg to differ, sir.

Roy: …When did this happen…?

Riza: About a year after he was recruited, he stole your gloves and accidentally set a field on fire. He was practicing right next to a river, so he managed to put the fire out before it got too serious and fixed everything as best as he could.

Roy: Wait, you're the one who keeps my gloves… How did he sneak past you? And if he cleaned everything up, how do you know?

Riza: I'm the one who advised him to practice next to a river, sir.

Roy: Traitor… Anyways, I rarely use the clapping transmutations, but they do come in handy at times, such as when it's raining.

**Dear Winry,  
You have such a good aim with that wrench. Do you practice with targets shaped like Ed or something? That'd be hilarious.**

Winry: Who needs targets shaped like an alchemy freak when you have a live one?

Edward: -_- Well, at first she got so good with her aim because she would always throw the wrench at the neighborhood bullies. Once they finally got the drift of leaving the three of us alone, she started using _me_ as a target…

Winry: I wouldn't do it so often if you would stop acting like an idiot and ruining my automail!

Edward: It's not my fault, you stupid gearhead! The trouble always finds me first!

Winry: (Holds up the wrench)

Edward: Uhhh… *Whisper* HELP ME, DFIRE!

Me: (Sighs and shields him)

(Wrench bounces off scales)

Winry: Hey! What'd you help him for?

Edward: HA! NOT TODAY, GEARHEAD! U MAD, BRO? U MAAAAA-

Me: …He's all yours, Ms. Rockbell. (Walks away and poofs up a bunch of wrenches for Winry to throw)

Edward: …Oh da- (Gets concussion from all the wrenches)

**Yup, he really had that one coming. Up next is ****Griz Lee****!**

**IT'S TIME FOR THE HOMUNCULI CHALLENGE! WHERE I YOUR FAVORITE DEMON BEAR COMPETE AGAINST T-**

Hoodster: Sir? Why are you talking through a megaphone?

Me: THIS IS A GRAND OCCASION! EVERY GRAND OCCASION REQUIRES MEGAPHONES!

Hoodster: Just get on with it sir. -_-

Me: *Turns off megaphone* Kay, but first, Tucker!

Tucker: Yeah, oh no OHNOHNOHNOHNOHNOHNOHNO- GAK!

Me: Good job Hoodster! You really cut the skull on that one!

Dear Lust,  
I challenge you to a claw-off with you, me, and Bido.

Dear Gluttony,  
I challenge you to an eating contest with you, me, and Lin.

Dear Envy,  
I challenge you to an insult off!

Dear Wrath,  
I challenge you to a sword off with you, me, and this crazy hobo.

Dear Pride,  
I challenge you to a dance-off!

Dear Sloth,  
I challenge to a 300 yard dash.

Dear Greed,  
I challenge you to a scream-off!

And Tucker:  
Pumpkin Pumpkin, HALLOWEEN CANNON!

Thanks again! NOTE: I DO NOT OWN BLAIR'S HALLOWEEN CANNON!

Hoodster: You're doing it again sir. -_-.

Me: I have the sudden urge to wield a bazooka.

Me: Holy crap, I think that's the longest review I've ever gotten XD Uhhh… let the games begin…?

**CHALLENGE ONE! –Claw-off with Lust and Bido-**

Me: Okay, for this challenge, we're using Tucker as a target. GO!

Tucker: (Still recovering from Halloween Cannon and Hoodster's attack) Wait, what?

(Slashed across the throat by Bido)

Bido: Eh… could have been deeper.

(Lust slices him to ribbons)

Lust: Beat that. I dare you.

(Also sliced to ribbons by Griz)

Me: Ooh… It's a hard decision, but I think Lust wins that one. Her claws are a bit better for the old slice-and-dice. Griz, I think yours are better for… mangling…

**CHALLENGE TWO! –Eat off with Ling and Gluttony-**

Me: Okay, the rules are simple. Just eat all this… *points to three huge tables full of food* BEGIN!

(Everyone starts chowing down for about fifteen minutes)

Me: Okay, stop! Um…

(Ling and Griz are tied)

Ling: Got any dessert?

Me: No, and… Uh…

Ling: Oh my. He ate everything, along with the table and Shou Tucker…

Me: NO! That table was EXPENSIVE! (Runs past pool of blood, A.K.A. Tucker's remains) Oh, and Gluttony wins.

**CHALLENGE THREE! –Insult-off with Envy-**

Griz: (Cracks knuckles) This is gonna be too easy, you homo palm tree!

Envy: Don't bet on it, fleabag.

Griz: Yo mama's so ugly that people dress up as her for Halloween!

Envy: I don't have a mother… But you totally eat crap.

Griz: Oh really? You smell so bad that I'm pretty sure you were eating everything at the dump.

Envy: YOUR MOTHER WAS A CHIHUAHUA!

Griz: Oh, did I strike a nerve? Why don't you go crying home to your mommy? Oh wait… YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!

Envy: Even if I had one, she wouldn't be as stupid as yours. I heard that your mom tripped over the cordless telephone!

Griz: …That's it.. it's time… FOR THE ELDER SWEAR! (From Harry Potter Puppet Pals: Wizard Swears on YouTube) YOUR FATHER IS A (beep) AMIN (beep) LORIL GIBSON (beep) ADMINOVENIUM (beep) VLOGDONOWD (beep) HIPPOPOTAMUS (beep) REPUBLICAN (beep) DANIEL RADCLIFFE (beep) WITH A BUCKET OF (beep) IN A CASTLE FAR AWAY, WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU (beep) SOUP (beep) WITH A BUCKET OF (beep) MICKEY MOUSE (beep) A STICK OF DYNAMITE (beep) MAGICAL (beep) ALAKAZAM!

Everybody: 8O

Me: 0.0 Yeah, Griz wins…

**CHALLENGE FOUR! –Sword duel thing with Wrath and a crazy hobo-**

Wrath: Feh. Youngsters like you aren't worth my time.

(Hobo turns into Meta Knight from Kirby)

Meta Knight: Vhat vere you saying, old man? I vill slice you all to pieces!

Me: Uh-oh…

(Sword duel goes on for twelve hours)

Me: Uhhh… how about we call this one a draw…?

(Everyone is lying on the ground half-dead)

**CHALLENGE FIVE! –Dance-off with Pride-**

Griz: YEAH! DISCO INFERNO! (Awesome dancing)

Pride: … -_-

Me: Come on, you have to do it.

Pride: (Does Harlem Shake)

Me: OH MY… Uh…

Pride: (Makes human transmutation circle) I will transmute you into a Philosopher's Stone, draconic scum…

Me: Um… Pride w-wins…

**CHALLENGE SIX! -300 meter dash with Sloth-**

Griz: (Takes off at super speed)

Sloth: Too… much... effort… Zzz…

Me: -_- Yeah, Griz wins.

**FINAL CHALLENGE! –Scream-off with Greed-**

Me: (Staring at Greed with dreamy look on face)

Griz: Are you kidding? I learned this scream… IN HELL! (Does demonic, bloodcurdling wail from Hell)

Me: O-ow…! I h-have sensitive hearing…! (Blood trickles from ears)

Greed: (Turns throat and mouth into Ultimate Shield)

Me: Oh no… NONONOOOOOO!

Greed: (Screaming causes walls to fall down and every glass object within a hundred miles to shatter)

Me: Oh my Amaterasu… I can't hear anything… I th-think Greed wins… *Dies*

**Envy: *Sigh* And she dies, yet again… Next up is ****Immortal Horse****… I hope all of you die with her…**

**Van Hoho: What would your reaction be if I used you as the toll to bring Tucker back from the dead so I can kill him?**

Hohenheim: Ugh, not you too… Anyways, I suppose I wouldn't mind. It's for a good cause, after all.

Me: Oh, you don't have to do that. I can make him come back to life whenever I wish, because I'm the author of MAGICALNESS :D

Tucker: Magical, my a-

Me: SILENCE, FOOL! (Eyes glow red and acid begins raining on him)

Tucker: AGGGHHHH! *Dies*

**Truth: Would you accept Papa Hoho as the toll?**

Truth: Yes, yes I would. He _is _a Philosopher's Stone, after all. Of course, with all the souls he has, I would only need a few.

**Olivier: How would you react if you met Izumi and found out that she was the one that attacked your troops during that month?**

Olivier: …I respect this woman…

**Izumi: how would you react meeting Olivier?**

Izumi: Well, I would definitely respect her. And maybe she would like to have some tea with me?

Olivier: Hmm… fine. Sounds good, I guess.

**Tucker: did you know that you're murdered/requested to be murdered the most in my fic "The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters"? How would you react?**

Tucker: Why am I not surprised…

Me: (Uses Excalibur to slice him in half) Wheeee!

Excalibur: (Turns into a weird… thing) Would you like to hear my six hour lecture?

Me: NOOOOO (Teleports)

**…Next up is ****bodieg****… I'm going to go hide in a secret place now… **

**Truth, what do you do to pass the time at the Gate, and how is Al's body doing?**

Truth: Mostly, I just watch the world. But whenever I get bored with that, I just make a copy appear of the latest book series that everybody's reading. Alphonse's body is very weak, but he's still being supplied nutrients and rest from his older brother.

**Ed, what would you do if Al, Winry or Pinako tied you to a chair and tried to force you to drink milk or eat milk-based products? Secondly, what's with the antenna, and has anyone tried to pluck it?**

Edward: First of all, they wouldn't do that because they all fear my WRATH. Besides, milk-based products are fine with me; it's just the milk I don't like. And it's not an antenna; I just think it looks cool that way!

Roy: He thinks it'll make him look taller. It really doesn't.

Edward: SHUT. UP. No one's "plucked" it, but G-General Armstrong… threatened to do it… *whimper*

**Olivier is a scary woman, but I'm more scared of Mrs. Curtis 0.0 Up next is ****dragonballzlover2499****!**

**Dear Riza and Roy,**

What would you two do if the Fraternization Laws didn't exist?

Riza: …Erm…

Roy: Well, this is certainly awkward.

Riza: We… actually might have dated… if they didn't exist…

Me: (Thinking: YEEEEEEEAH!) X3

Roy: …Get that look off your face. We all know what you're thinking.

Me: …

**Dear Alex Armstrong,  
What would you do if you ran out of sparkles? **

Armstrong: Why, my dear reader, I simply CANNOT run out of them as long as the prestigious ARMSTRONG LINE LIVES ON! (Rips shirt off and tries to "enlighten" the nearest person… or dragon)

Me: (Screams)

**Dear Ed,  
What would you have done if General Armstrong had followed through on her threat to pluck your antenna when you went to Briggs?**

Edward: *shiver* *shiver* A-agh… S-somebody… h-help me…

Alphonse: Brother? Are you okay?

Edward: (keeps sniveling and whimpering)

Alphonse: …I think he went into shock.

**Dear General Olivier Armstrong,**  
**First, did you ever find out who it was that stole food for a month up at Briggs? If no, then what would you do if you found out who it was? And second, what would you do if the Armstrong family sparkles got attached to you, or however it is that they follow your family around, and you couldn't get rid of them?  
*Scurries off to conveniently placed bomb shelter***

Olivier: Well, I finally figured out that it was Mrs. Curtis… I had only thought it was a rumor, but I can easily believe that it was her beating up some of Briggs' best soldiers after meeting her. As for your second question, I would only have to stand near that dumbass Alex, and they would go to him and leave me alone.

**Well, at least she's in a good mood today. Next is ****alchemy's homunculi****, who, by the way, sort of reminds me of the first series of FMA. …You wouldn't happen to have a friend or somebody who tried to bring you back to life through Human Transmutation, would you…?**

**Dear Cast,  
How would you all do in a zombie apocalypse 'cough' Walking Dead?**

Everybody: We're from an action anime. Of course we would survive a zombie apocalypse.

Me: Except Shou Tucker and Yoki. They're our zombie bait. But actually, it's actually fairly easy to kill a zombie. Just severely damage the back of their heads (where the part of the brain that keeps them moving and undead is) while staying out of biting range. And we just happen to have plenty of long-range fighters, except maybe Envy. I don't think his shape shifting would be much use in that situation.

**Dear Ed, Envy, Al, and Roy,  
You're all locked in a closet and are forced to read fanfiction yaoi AND OC pairings about you. What would you be thinking afterwards?**

Roy: …

Envy: *growls*

Edward: I dunno; something along the lines of, "You take the person who made us do this, you take the authors of the stories, and _you _kill off as many Mary Sues as you possibly can; we'll join you in a minute" kind of thing.

Roy and  
Envy: For once, we can all agree.

Alphonse: (Shaking so bad that it's making the armor rattle really loudly) B-Brother… I'm s-scared…

**Dear Envy and Lust,  
You are both thrown into modern day USA; what would be your favorite thing about technology, culture, and anything else about our world?**

Envy: …Computers. I like them.

Me: Yeah, because you're probably a little HACKER.

Envy: What's a hacker?

Me: Never mind.

Lust: Personally, I think that the gardens look even more beautiful in modern USA. I have a liking for roses and marigolds in reddish soil or bark, next to a little stream. I like the different color matches, and how the roses have thorns and everything.

**Well, who knew she had sophisticated flower/garden arranging talents? THIS is probably my longest chapter ever, lol! But after I get this posted, I can assure you all that I'll be back to updating every Wednesday and Friday. I just can't believe I had to go without my account for SO LONG... *whimper* Well, to make up for it, I put up two chapters of this story, I'm going to be replacing my chapters for ****Frozen Angel**** (they have better spacing now), and I even uploaded two oneshots that I wrote during the agonizing wait :)**

**ZakuroU****: Oh my Amaterasu, my story is being read by da FAMILIES 8O (P.S., I ran around my school singing "Do You Like Waffles?", too! Until I got stopped by my friend, who stopped me, looked me in the eye, and told me that I was making a retard out of myself. I still thank them for that to this day.) And I'm sorry for taking so long to update :( (And I love your story, by the way!)**

**Chibineko Senju****: I may be a "carnivore", but I have the worst sweet tooth ever XD So, to answer your question, I LOOOOOOVE waffles!**

**Griz Lee****: I always have the urge to wield a bazooka. I sympathize, my friend.**

**Immortal Horse****: I freaking LOVE your "The Many Deaths of FMA Characters" story! I was reading it even before I got an account :)**

**Dragonballzlover2499****: It's not weird that you're afraid of Izumi and Olivier. They're some of my favorite characters, too, yet they still scare me…**

**Alchemy's homunculi****: Auto correct tends to be the bane of mankind… You know you're in trouble when it won't even let you type in "Royai"! (And I completely agree that Envy is a guy ;D)**

**All right, see you later, everyone!**

**-Dfire**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey ****everyone! Oh, man, you don't know how sweet it feels to be back! (Flexes claws) Let's get to it!**

**I do not own FMA in any way, shape, or form…Looking at you, Envy… First up is ****Madame Kasumi****!**

**Dear Hughes,  
What if Elicia turned into a moody teenager?**

Hughes: Oh… Well… I suppose it'll have to happen eventually… *sniffle*

Elicia: (Squeals and jumps on Hughes) Daddy!

Hughes: But it won't be for another nine years or so… (Cuddles with Elicia)

**What if Roy accidentally burned all of Elicia's pictures while setting his paperwork on fire?**

Hughes: (Pulls out a ton of push knives) Roy…

Roy: AGH! I DIDN"T DO ANYTHING!

Riza: (Pulls out gun) Why were you burning your paperwork, sir?

Roy: I swear! I didn't do it! I, um, made a copy and burned it because I was frustrated!

Riza: …

**Dear Ed and Hughes,  
What if Ed started dating Elicia?**

Edward: HEY! She's twelve years younger than me! No way in Hell!

Hughes: (Slowly sheathes push knives) Good…

**Dear Edward, Alphonse, Roy, Hughes, Armstrong, Hawkeye, Olivier, and Havoc,  
What if you had to start a host club?**

Alphonse: Brother, what's a host club?

Edward: Al, if you had ears, I would cover them…

Olivier: NEVER.

Roy: Well, I guess it could be useful…

Edward: Yeah, on your little womanizer sprees, you bastard.

Havoc: Anything to get a girlfriend T_T

Armstrong: I SHALL STICK WITH ONLY ONE WOMAN IN MY LIFE, FOR THE SKILLS OF AN HONEST RELATIONSHIP HAVE BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS! (Rips off shirt and sparkles)

Everybody: -_-

**And lastly, Olivier what if you were the manager?**

Olivier: I would shut it down immediately.

Me: Ooh, Olivier is Kyoya!

Olivier: SHUT UP. (Stabs with sword)

Me: OW! That freakin' hurt!

**Well, someone's grumpy… And now my scales are bloody… -_- Anyways, the next reviewer for today is ****9foxgrl****!**

**Ed,  
Don't feel bad about your height. I'm 5'2 but I am still considered short. *grumbles* crazy giant country folks.  
Soooo...A little palm tree once told me that you once had to dress up like a girl to get information on a mission. Any truth to that?**

Edward: Well, you got that right.

Me: HA! I'm taller than both of you! XD

Edward: Shut up, no one likes you. Besides, you're taller than all of us…

Me: Not in my human form. But my human form is still taller than you two :D

Edward: Say… what DOES your human form look like, anyway?

Me: THOU SHALT NEVER KNOWETH, HUMAN! *vanishes*

Edward: *sigh* Whatever… Anyways, to answer your question… maybe.

Roy: That was possibly the weirdest report I've ever had to read.

Edward: I don't think so. What about the murderer who put pink and purple glitter glue all over his victims?

Roy: You've got a good point there, Fullmetal.

**Hehe… none of you will ever know, except BabyBlueBeluga, because she knows me in person :) Anyways, here is a question from ****Chibineko Senju****!**

**Dear Roy,  
Do you like French toast? ;D (Trolololol...)**

Roy: Uh… yeah… I like it better than waffles and pancakes, actually…

**Oh, Chibineko, you're awesome ;) Here are a couple questions from ****ZakuroU****!**

**Dear Edward,  
If it's only milk you hate, would you protest against ice cream?**

Edward: Well… I like ice cream… And I also like chocolate and stew… So no, I guess I'm okay with it, as long as I don't think too hard about it having milk in it.

**Dear Envy,  
Why do you think everyone calls you a palm tree? (Is it the hair?)**

Envy: Well, I assume so…

Me: The funny thing is, Envy IS based off a plant… but not a palm tree. I researched deeper, and it turns out that his design is based on the mandrake, which has a root shaped like a human and (you guessed it) leaves that look pretty much like Envy's hair. Way back in the day, alchemists thought that the mandrake held spiritual properties and used it when attempting to make the elixir of immortality/cure-all for any ailment, otherwise known as the Philosopher's Stone. Well, there's your fact of the day :)

Everyone: Zzz…

Me: HEY!

***sigh* I'm going to be a nerd over here in this corner now… And next is ****Immortal Horse****… **

**Alex: Have the Armstrong sparklies been passed down the Armstrong family for generations?**

Armstrong: (Rips off shirt) OF COURSE THEY HAVE! (Turns around and tries to "enlighten" Ed)

Edward: EEK! *flees*

**Yep, you just HAD to give him an excuse to rip his shirt off, didn't you? Next is ****MystiqueSilver****! (I just realized that every time I see your name, I think of Silver the Hedgehog XD)**

**Dear May,  
Do you know there are thousands of fangirls who are in love with Al? (Too bad I told her about Dfire having a crush on Al X3)**

Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON ALPHONSE! (Freaks out)

May: Well, of course they love my dear Sir Alphonse! He's the best! (Whispers: Stay away from my prince, or I'll rip your tail off and beat you with it.)

Me: *Sulks*

**Dear Al,  
*hugs* So are you and May are dating? X3 And how do you feel about having so many fangirls? *whispers* And you know you might have more than your short tempered brother...**

Alphonse: Um… N-not yet… *blushes* But I honestly can't believe that I have more than Brother. I mean, look over there.

(A bunch of rabid Edward fangirls are going nuts in a cage)

Fangirl 1: WE WANT FULLMETAL!

Fangirl 2: RESEMBOOL RANGERS FOREVER! SCREW THE MINISKIRT ARMY!

Fangirl 3: He's mine!

Fangirl 4: NEVER! (Whacks 3 over the head with a replica of Ed's automail arm)

All the fangirls: *gasp* ELRIC-KUN'S ARM! SQUEEEEEEE! (They all tackle 4)

Alphonse and I: *Sweatdrops*

**Dear Olivier,  
You know you're so beautiful! Trust me, even more beautiful than a Barbie doll, since both of you are blonde... (Please don't kill me!) By the way, I like you more than that girly...**

Olivier: *growls*

Armstrong: Dear sister, she is RIGHT! Your illustrious beauty shines like the SUN in the HEAVENS OF THE PRESTIGIOUS ARMSTRONG FAMILY! (Rips shirt off)

Olivier: Ugh, I'll deal with you later. (Tackles Armstrong and tries to strangle)

**Dear Ed,  
You know someone called you... well... PIPSQUEAK! XD**

Edward: WHY I OUGHTA-!

(Alphonse holds him back)

Alphonse: Brother, please settle down!

Edward: LET ME AT HER! LET ME AT HER! YOU'RE DEAD, YOU HEAR ME!

Alphonse: Uh, a little help, please!

Me: A little busy-ACK! (Trying to keep Olivier from murdering her brother)

***Pant* Maybe this is… *pant* Equivalent Exchange… for not updating in forever… *pant* Next up is… ****Kitten1313****… **

**Dear Ed,  
Is your antenna like Italy's curl? If so, I kind of want to pull it. (Evil smile)**

Edward: I guess, and if you do that, you're going to lose an arm, and possibly a few other limbs.

Me: Oh, then you two would be cripple buddies- (Gets automail sword through the eye and dies)

**Dear Tucker,  
How does it feel to be soooo hated?**

Tucker: What do you think? It's absolutely wretched, being overly hated just for one little thing…

Me: (Comes back to life) Hey everyone! You all know what time it is!

Tucker: Um… six o' clock…?

Me: Nope! It's Tucker Murder Time! Oh, Scaaaar~!

Scar: (Blows Tucker's head up and leaves)

Me: Ah… that's better… I had just watched the episode from the first series of Fullmetal where Nina got turned into a chimera not too long ago… So now I'm a lot happier! :D

**Dear Havoc,  
You're really sweet and way better than Roy, so would you...(Suddenly runs out the door)**

Havoc: YES! IN YOUR FACE, COLONEL!

Roy: …

**Well, it's nice to see him this happy :) Anyways, the next reviewer is ****! **

**Riza, do you know you're so freaking awesome?**

Riza: That's very kind of you. Thank you.

**Roy, wouldn't you love to have your Lt. dressed up on a cocktail dress? Let's just suppose that is for a secret mission... (Think about a short and low-cut -not slutty- dress, Colonel! And her back will be really well covered...)**

Roy: (Spits out coffee he was drinking and his face goes really red)

Edward: Aw, is the old pervert having naughty thoughts?

Roy: (Snaps and blows up the floor beneath Ed's feet)

Edward: AGH! *Falls*

**Lan Fan and Riza, don't you think you have really a lot in common?**

Riza: Well, now that you mention it…

Lan Fan: We do have a lot of things in common.

Me: (Whispers: Star-crossed lovers… Riza will follow her king to Hell and back, and Lan Fan will follow her prince… But they are both kept from showing their love… IT'S SO SAD!)

Lan Fan: (Stabs me through the heart with a short sword) I heard that. And I do not love the young master.

Riza: What did she say?

Lan Fan: Trust me, you do not wish to know.

Me: (Still spurting blood everywhere)

**Scar: It looks like it's my turn to take over. Up next is ****KylaSoulSongAlchemist****, who also appears to be a dragon (Wyvern, actually). And thank Ishvala no one asks me stupid questions on this fanfiction…**

**Dear Homunculi and Elric brothers,  
DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT I'M YOUR NIECE?! I'll explain how that is later on if you wish...**

Edward: …What?

Alphonse: Oh my gosh, I have a niece!

Envy: Good for you. Now go die in a hole so I can be happy.

Lust: Well, this is… interesting.

Gluttony: *drool* Are nieces tasty?

King Bradley: Well…

Pride: …

Sloth: Zzz…

Greed: Huh. Never thought I'd have a niece. *pats your head* Now be a good slave and fetch me some money.

Me: Greed, that's really rude of you to say something like that.

Greed: Sorry to disappoint, sugar, but this whole world belongs to me, including my nieces or nephews or whatever.

Me: *sigh* Anyways, if you could explain in detail, that would be awesome :) *thinking* Do the Homunculi or Elrics have a brother or sister or something…?

**Dear Uncle Gluttony,  
Here's a cookie!**

Gluttony: Ooh! (Eats it)

**Dear Roy,  
I want to bite your head... Then again, I have habits of trying to bite and eat everything... How I remain skinny is a mystery to me...**

Roy: Um… okay? (Whispers: Dfire, she's one of your kind. Please take care of her…)

Me: The only people you can bite here are Tucker or Yoki, okay? But you can murder them both however many times you want :) Oh, and Father is fair game, too.

Father: …

**Dear Hayate,  
What if you ran into four dogs (a mutt and his son, a black lab, and a Pomeranian-longhaired dachshund mix) who were all jealous of you and everything else? Those are the dogs at my house if you're wondering...**

Hayate: Well, of course they're jealous! Riza's my master! (Wags tail)

**Tucker...  
Taste my familiar's Crimson Death Web! Go get him, Aekij!  
Aekij: *Rushes at him faster than Sloth could if he tried and shoves the Crimson Death Web into Tucker's chest***

Tucker: *dies*

Me: *inspects* Aekij, you need to hit right here next time. (Points at center of ribcage) That way, the bastard suffers a lot more before he dies.

**Dear Uncle Envy,  
Can I have a hug?**

Envy: No.

Me: Come on.

Envy: NO.

Me: You know you waaant to!

Envy: No, and I hate you. (Grabs gun and shoots me) Ah, there we go.

**Greed: Huh. Well, the next reviewer is ****messykat211****. And if you'll all excuse me, I have a world to conquer. *leaves***

**Dear Envy,  
So how do we know you're not a hermaphrodite? Care to show some proof 83**

Envy: I am NOT a hermaphrodite.

Me: Well, we don't know that…

Envy: Yes you do! You even admitted more than once I'm a guy!

Me: Hmm… I don't remember… NURSE!

Nurse: (Takes Envy into a hospital room)

(A few minutes later)

Nurse: Yup, he's a guy.

Envy: *Twitching*

**Dear Olivier Armstrong,  
What would you do if you were forced to copy Hyuna and Hyunseung's MV for Troublemaker, with either Mustang, Havoc, or Miles, as the male lead?**

Olivier: I would sooner take my life before doing such a thing. Besides, that video's dumb…

Me: You watched it? *snicker*

Olivier: I-I watched it when you were watching it, so I knew what I would be getting myself into.

Me: SURE you did ;)

**Dear Major Miles,  
Hey good looking What's your shoe size? ;3 LOL but seriously...hug? 83**

Miles: Uh… I don't know… But, sure? *awkward hugs*

**So Ed...Ling-chan,  
What if I told you I was a Yaoi fan?**

Ling: …

Edward: As long as you don't try to involve me in it, I guess I'm fine…

Ling: (One eye opens)

Edward: And as long as it doesn't involve him, he's fine with it, too. But if someone pairs me with another guy, there are going to be serious issues, along with an automail sword down their throats.

Ling: And I have ninja bodyguards and Homunculus powers.

…**All righty, moving on… Next is ****Griz Lee****!**

**Dear All/One/Truth/God/Universe/All/Me,  
Are you energy? A ghost? Astral Projection?**

Truth: I believe I would be closer to energy, but… (Gestures everywhere) I am pretty much everything. There's a little bit of me anywhere and everywhere, all at the same time. I am also on different planets, I am the planets, I'm in different galaxies and star systems, which I also am, and I am everywhere in the universe, yet I _am _the universe.

Me: Ugh… my head hurts…

**Dear Ling,  
Judging by all the food you eat, I'm surprised you're not morbidly obese; are you wearing a girdle?**

Ling: Ah, no. (Waves hand) I believe the multiple assassination attempts (and being near the Elric brothers… they tend to attract lots of trouble) burn the calories. That and I have a very high metabolism.

**Dear Martel,  
I wonder what happens when I play this flute and stick you in a basket.**

Martel: *sigh* You and everybody else…

**And Dear Ed,  
When it's hot outside, is your automail able to roast bacon...**

Edward: In the desert, yes.

Roy: So we could have a barbeque out there, just using your arm?

Edward: NO. And stay AWAY from me and my arm. And my leg.

Me: Well, you could use Alphonse…

Edward: (Bashes me over the head) Go near my brother and you're the one getting eaten. Hmm, I wonder what dragon tastes like…

Me: *whimper*

***sniffle* They… they wouldn't do that… *sigh* Well, next is Griz's younger brother, ****Po. Lars****! (And now there are multiple families reviewing my story XD)**

**Ed, what would you do to the dumbass that cuts your braid off?**

Edward: Probably do a little transmuting so they would go bald. Oh, and possibly subject them to a severe beating… using exactly what Teacher taught me.

**Al, how many cats can fit in your armor?**

Alphonse: About four or five…

Edward: And you know this how, exactly?

Alphonse: U-uh… rough estimate?

(Meowing starts coming from his chest plate)

Edward: Al…

Alphonse: BUT BROTHEEEER! They were crying! And they were all alone!

Edward: Al, you know we can't keep a cat, much less five!

Me: Well, while they're figuring this out, let's go get everybody's favorite Ishvalan out of hiding so he can answer the next question…

**Scar: How did you get the reconstruction tattoos?**

Scar: After a long while, I had studied the array on my right arm well enough to recreate the reconstruction tattoo that had been on Brother's left arm.

**I think he knows a little bit more about alchemy than he lets on. Final reviewer today is ****ValleyOfDeath****! **

**Dear Ed, *plucks you hair spike and teleports you to the middle of a crowd of people in Rush Valley***

Edward: No, no, no! AGH! FU- (Gets mauled by automail engineers)

**Dear Lust, *death glare* I am testing a new attack.**

Lust: Well, that should be interesting. Let me know when you're done so I can laugh and kill you. (Blows kiss)

**Dear Riza and Roy, I just got the fraternization laws removed. *continues mind control on the higher-ups***

Riza: …

Roy: Um… so? It's not like we're attracted to each other or anything… (Shifts nervously)

Fuery: (Glances at Sheska) *humming*

**Dear Nina, I just adopted you! *throws shuriken at Tucker***

Nina: Okay! :3

Tucker: Ugh… the pain… (Moans and dies)

**Dear Ed, I bestow upon you the most bad-ass pet I ever had *gives you Komodo Dragon* feed him A LOT and dissect him daily.**

Edward: *Missing shirt and pants* You… think this is going to stop me from making your life a living hell?! (Looks at Komodo Dragon) Well… he is kinda cool…

Me: Did you say DISSECT? O_O

**Dear Winry, *gives you note***

Winry: (Reads note) …!

Me: LAWL XD

Winry: (Face is red) Are you responsible for this?! (Throws wrench)

Me: OW! NO! IT WASN"T ME!

**Well, that's all for now! I should be doing my homework right now, but… oh well. It's just language arts. Anyways, a huge thanks to everyone for reviewing and reading! (Approaching 200 review anniversary! SQUEEE!) And did anybody else notice that I died a lot in this chapter…?**

**9foxgrl****: Aw, thanks! :)**

**ZakuroU****: Sure, anytime! **

**Harryswoman****: Lol… I'm sorry for the long wait! And thank you!**

**Immortal Horse****: Yup! And thank **_**you**_** :)**

**MystiqueSilver****: Well, I promise that this story will NEVER be discontinued… I'm going to see it through straight to the end! (Which probably won't be for a VERY long while.) **

**Kitten1313****: And I'm very glad to be back!**

**: Lol… I actually **_**haven't **_**watched Slayers, but since I read your review, I fully intend to :) And I am a HUGE Royai fan as well… just not as much as my best friend, who probably reads at least two Royai fanfics a day XD**

**KylaSoulSongAlchemist****: Yay, another dragon! :D But don't worry about the height thing; you might hit a growth spurt one day, when you least expect it. **

**Messykat211****: Kon'nichiwa to you too! And thanks!**

**Griz Lee****: Well, it's always fun to use Tucker as a scratching post :) But maybe playing hacky sack with a chimera isn't such a great idea… Oh, and hi, Hoodster!**

**Po. Lars****: Don't torment your poor older brother… Although it is kind of fun to antagonize the older siblings… Not that I would really know, because I never really grew up with my sisters… They're adults and I'm almost in high school XP**

**ValleyOfDeath****: *gasp* PIE! *Omnomnomnom* Oh, and I'm really sorry for making you worry earlier… I nearly cried when I read your review :( On a happier note, (Note… hehe…) I wonder what exactly was written on the note… **

**I'll be updating on Saturday! See you guys later!**

**-Dfire**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everyone! Big news: I just got FMA: Brotherhood (Complete Collection 1) in the mail on Friday! I'M SO HAPPY I'M GONNA DIE! …But figuratively. I can't exactly work on my stories when I'm dead. Moving on…**

**I don't own FMA, because only the high-up, divine gods of manga and anime and such can own it.**

**First up is ****Harryswoman****!**

**Ed: What would you do if your kids loved milk?**

Edward: *gasp* Those little traitors. How dare they defect to the enemy?!

**Winry: If your and Ed's kids loved milk, would you force milk down Ed's throat?**

Winry: No, because he would probably scream and rant about the "milk conspiracy" and tie us all to chairs so we could be interrogated. After he finished vomiting, that is.

**Al: Would you help?**

Alphonse: Uh, no thanks. Brother would probably attack me, screaming about his only brother betraying him.

**Izumi: Would you?**

Izumi: Probably not. The kid just has a hatred for milk, so I never really pestered him about it that much. I do admit, though, that it's pretty funny to watch his little rants.

**She's right; it really is. Next up is ****BabyBlueBeluga****! (Oh, and… I'm still poking you! :D)**

**Dear Riza,  
*whispers: Did I ever tell you that you may or may not have another family member?***

Riza: *confused* No…

**Dear Roy,  
Make a move already, Flame. I'm waiting.**

Roy: I… don't know what you mean by that.

**Dear Hayate,  
Here's a bone, buddy! Give it to Shiro and see the sparks!**

Hayate: Okay! :3

**Dear Ed,  
*frowns* I could've sworn Ed was right here! Aaaaaaaaaaaal! Where'd he go?**

Edward: You are so lucky that I don't murder you in your sleep…

Me: Ed, she may be infuriating, but she's my best friend. No killing.

Edward: BUT…!

Me: No, Ed. But you know, what really ticks her off is… *whisper*

Edward: *Evil grin slowly appearing on face* That. Is. PERFECT. (Runs off to put his new plan into action)

Me: Uh-oh. Maybe I shouldn't have told him that… Oh well.

**Dear Alex Armstrong,  
I heard the others say that they **_**love**_** it when you show your muscles from generations ago.**

Armstrong: Why, OF COURSE! The beauty… the strength… the rippling perfection… THAT IS THE TRUE LEGACY OF THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY! (Rips off shirt, sparkles furiously, and cries in passion)

Me and everyone else: *facepalm*

**Dear Gracia,  
Can I have Elicia for a day? Please!?**

Gracia: *Laughs* Oh, all right. It would be nice if you could babysit when Maes is at work and I'm out shopping :)

**Aw, I want to babysit her, too… Next is ****Kitten1313****! :D**

**Dear Tucker,  
Dude you got 3 seconds to run...times up. Attack my kitties attack! (My hellhounds are busy)**

Tucker: AGH! *Gets maimed by a bunch of cute kittens*

Me and Al: AWWWW! THEY'RE SOOOO CUTE~!

**Dear Truth,  
What are those black hand things?**

Me: *shudder* Gate Babies…

Truth: As Dfire kindly stated above, they are the spirits of unborn children.

Me: I don't like Gate Babies… they scare me… T_T

**Dear Havoc,  
Sorry I ran out, now what was I saying...oh right Havoc would you mind-(runs out the door)**

Havoc: *Weird look* Yeeees?

**Hehe… looks like you're going to have to wait, Havoc :) Next up is ****Anonymousgal****!**

**Dear Scar,  
Besides your brother, master, and parents, did you have any other family or friends? Like a girlfriend or a childhood friend?**

Scar: I did have friends. They were all very kind to me, and supported my dreams of the future. I had even begun to fall for a pretty woman by the name of Alice. They were all killed in the Ishval Massacre.

Me: *Sneaks forward*

Scar: No, I do not want a hug.

**Ugh, that would have been so horrible: losing all your friends and family within such a short time… Oh, great, now I'm getting all depressed! The next reviewer is ****yuki-san127****!**

**Ed, do you wish you could grow overnight? And would you be willing to pay the price of another arm to do so?**

Edward: No, because I AM NOT short, and I already have enough automail parts as is…

**Well, it sure would keep Winry busy… Next is ****Madame Kasumi****!**

**Dear Ed,  
What would you say if you knew that a random teenage girl imitated you every day?**

Edward: Um… that's kind of disturbing…

Me: Heh, funny thing is that one of my friends is going to cosplay as you :) *whisper: she's really, really short, too…*

Edward: Okay, that's weird, and… WHAT did you say?

Me: …Nothing…

**Hughes,  
Can I have a hug? Please? :3**

Hughes: Sure! *hugs* And you just HAVE to look at these pictures of my darling Elicia!

**Nina,  
Do you still love your dad even though he combined you and Alexander?**

Nina: Yes, I love Daddy a lot!

Me: How can anyone remain so loyal…?

Nina: Even though Daddy had that really weird look on his face more and more, sometimes he would smile at me really warmly. But I haven't seen that look in a REEEALLY long time… :(

**Roy,  
I lost my fire gloves. Can I borrow yours?**

Roy: Why do you even need ignition gloves? And I can't exactly loan these ones out… they kind of have the secret to flame alchemy in them (the transmutation circle on the back of the glove).

**Olivier,  
Why don't you sparkle?**

Olivier: Because sparkling is for DUMBASSES like my pathetic excuse for a little brother…

Armstrong: But sister, I have seen you sparkle in glorious PASSION-

Olivier: *Lunges at Armstrong with the intent to kill*

…**Uh… Maybe I should go take care of this before Armstrong gets maimed… Next reviewer is ****Ice Prince****! *Runs off to save Armstrong***

**Hi everyone. It's nice to meet you. I'm the General's son from an alternate dimension. No, I won't tell who my dad is.  
Uncle Alex, please don't start gushing. (Dodges hug)**

Armstrong: I shall ENLIGHTEN you, my dear nephew! After I… rest… that is… *Passes out from Olivier trying to murder him*

**Mr. Hughes, can you please teach me to throw knives?**

Hughes: Sure… if you look at some of these pictures of Elicia and Gracia~!

**Ed, what would you have done if you had to work for my mother when you first joined the military?**

Edward: Uh… I would have been screwed, basically…

Roy: At least he would have been a lot more disciplined.

Edward: Oh shut up, Colonel Bastard.

Roy: But then again, you probably weren't assigned under her because you'd be too little to handle the cold.

Edward: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THAT A SQUIRREL WOULD EAT HIM, YOU BASTARD!

Roy: *Smirk*

**Well, now I need to break up another fight… Ah, geez. Be right back, and the next reviewer is ****KylaSoulSongAlchemist****!**

**Since Edward is confused of our relations and Dfire asked, here's an explanation... Well, the best I can give.  
As it turns out, Trisha Elric's grandfather (his name is Marble, I believe) is also related to me. He also had dragon blood. Not only that, but my human name (Kyla Hatfield) translated to dragon is Kyra Eldriche, which is just a foreign version of Elric (sometimes people alter their names to blend in with society). Basically, I'm a distant niece.**

Me: Well, that's awesome :) *Struggling to hold Ed back from Roy*

**Dear Uncle Gluttony,  
I'm not tasty. Also, I inherit your hunger pangs. I know why you bite your finger now, and it helps me too. And you're my favorite uncle.**

Gluttony: Thank you! :3

**Dear Truth,  
You're awesome. That's all I have to say.**

Truth: Thanks. *Smirk*

**Father,  
I wouldn't kill or hurt you in any way. We're related because of the Elrics and your kids. Besides... I think of you as more of a father than my own even though you're not. *sobs* My father is a stupid bastard...**

Father: …Well, maybe you could help me with my plan…

**Uncle Envy,  
... Fine. *shakes and starts crying, but you can only tell by the fact that you can see tears* You're lucky I transform from anger instead of sadness and disappointment. But I'm sorry I'm too stupid or whatever it is that makes you hate me. I can't help it.**

Me: Oh, don't get too upset by the cross-dressing palm tree over here. Hatred is just his way of showing affection, oddly enough.

Envy: Hey! I am NOT a cross-dresser or a palm tree! …And what would you know?!

**Hohenheim...  
You're no dumbass like my father, but I still think I like Father more than you... but I think I understand why you left Uncle Ed and Uncle Al as well as Trisha...**

Hohenheim: Thank you. I never wanted to leave, but… I needed to find a way to keep my promise to Trisha.

**Uncle Greed...  
*seethe seethe* HELL NO! YOU WILL NOT TREAT ME LIKE MY OWN FATHER DID! I... REFUSE... to be a victim any longer... I still think you're cool, though. I love you guys.**

Greed: Oh, settle down. I was just kidding about the whole slave thing. But… it is kind of cool to have a niece, since my only other family is kind of, you know… out to get me.

**Roy,  
Do exactly what Riza says. Even if she tells you to clean her home. Oh, and I already have a mentor, so Dfire doesn't have to take care of me.**

Roy: Um… okay? Just as long as you don't bite my head, we're good…

**Aunt Lust,  
Can you tell me why Uncle Envy hates me...? I like him a lot but he won't even hug me... *starts shaking again***

Lust: *Shrugs* He really doesn't hug anyone. But Dfire is right… showing hatred is usually his way of showing affection.

**Dear Nina,  
Would you be interested in playing with me and some of my friends? We're all young teens, but we play nice with cute little sweeties like you!**

Nina: Okay~! Can Alexander come, too?

**Dear Elicia,  
You can come, too!**

Elicia: Yay! Hi, Nina! :D

**Dear Hughes,  
Your daughter is so cute!**

Hughes: Isn't she, though? She's my sweet little angel! Here are some pictures of her when she was learning how to walk! X,)

**Dear Major Armstrong,  
Why are you so happy? I mean, I'm glad for you, but your happiness seems to mock me... I don't even know what true happiness feels like.**

Armstrong: *Cries* I shall show you the meaning of true happiness! I SHALL HELP YOU, YOU POOR, LOST SOUL! *Rips off shirt and bear hugs*

**Dear Ling,  
... I was going to tell you something, but I forgot. This was pointless.**

Ling: *Shrugs* Eh, it happens to everyone. Want to go get some food?

Edward: Stay away from my bank account!

Ling: *Sigh* Fine, fine, I'll pay for it myself… Just this once. ;)

**Tucker...  
*rushes at him and rips his throat out with my teeth***

Tucker: *Blood sprays everywhere*

Me: Here, take this. *Hands you a wet washcloth* You have blood on your face, right there.

**Dear Uncle Pride and Uncle Wrath...  
... I want to ask for a hug, but I don't want to go through the whole "my relative hates me" thing again, so... what would you do if someone walked up to you two, flailed their arms, and said "FRIENDLY MUSHROOM!" and then ran away?**

Me: Would that person just happen to be drunk/high off cactus juice?

Pride: Probably kill him.

Bradley: Sic the bodyguards on him...

Me: IT'S THE FREAKIN' QUENCHIEST! 83

Bradley and Pride: -_-"

**I like cactus juice :D Next is ****lotrprincess****!**

**Dear Envy,  
If you're like a mandrake, what would you do if I put on earmuffs and stuffed you in a flowerpot?**

Envy: I would turn into my true form and rip you to shreds…

**Dear Gluttony,  
*Shows him the episode "Oath in the Tunnel". What would you like to say to Pride?**

Gluttony: *Whimper* P-Pride… *cries* I want L-Lust…

**Dear Alphonse,  
Quick, don't think about cats! (ASDF-style)**

Alphonse: Oh, no, I'm allergic to adorableness!

Everybody: *freezes*

Alphonse: …Oh yeah, I'm in a suit of armor. I can't have fatal allergy attacks…

Everybody: *sigh of relief*

**Dear Edward and Mustang,  
What do you think about Parental!RoyEd stories?**

Edward: …

Roy: …

**Dear Shou Tucker,  
How about a bath in Greed's "hot tub"?**

Tucker: Um… what's that? *Looks nervously inside vat of lava* You know, I'm just gonna leave now…

Me: *"Accidentally" swings my tail at him*

Tucker: AGH! *falls in and dies*

**Ooooooooops? Oh well. Next up is ****Bluefire21guest****!**

**Dear Roy: okay, so I was watching a few episodes of FMA (when am I not?) and I noticed that you sort of have an antenna too. Mind explaining that, and don't forget your reason for it, since you bug Ed about his so much. And yes, this does mean that you can't tease Ex's about his anymore. * turns to Ed, "see, I'm not all bad.* high five?***

Roy: It's not an "antenna", it's just an "angry Fullmetal" detector.

Edward: Yeah, why do you even tease me about it?!

Roy: *points at hair* See? It's sticking up. Just kidding; some days that one piece tends to be unruly.

Edward: Yet you still have the nerve to tease me about my hair that sticks up?

Roy: You stick yours up on purpose. Mine just refuses to stay down sometimes.

**You know, I always noticed that myself :) Next is ****Immortal Horse****!**

**Ed: did you know that homunculus means "little human", so aren't you technically a homunculus?**

Edward: I'M NOT LITTLE! And YES, I know what "homunculus" means… I'm an alchemist… BUT DON'T THINK YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK! YOU'RE DOOMED!

**Armstrong: what would you do if I burned all your sparklies?**

Armstrong: I can just make MORE! Would you like some?! *Rips shirt off and sparkles*

**Olivier: now that you're head of the Armstrong family, have you ever considered kicking Alex out?**

Olivier: What do you think? Of course I have. The only reason I don't is because Mother and Father would disapprove.

**Izumi: where'd you get your slippers? I want a pair.**

I made them myself :) I used the bear skin from the mountain bear that I took down at Briggs!

***gulp* Well, you're going to have to kill a mountain grizzly for slippers like hers… Anyways, next is ****9foxgrl****!**

**Ed,  
What was the weirdest mission Mustang ever sent you on?**

Edward: I think that the weirdest mission Colonel Bastard has ever sent me on was when I had to fight off a whole gang of guys in really weird, stupid costumes.

Roy: Ah yes, what were they called? The "Fun Rebels"?

Edward: Yeah, that was awkward.

**Roy,  
What would you do if you found out that Ed knew the secret to using fire alchemy in the rain, but just wouldn't tell you? (I think it's in his encrypted notes)**

Roy: …Fullmetal? Is there something you're not telling me?

Edward: Of course. I keep a lot of secrets from you. But I wouldn't know much about flame alchemy…

Roy: Mmhm. So you're telling me that perhaps the second most prodigious alchemist I've ever met doesn't know a thing about flame alchemy.

Edward: I didn't say that I didn't know ANYTHING, since I've seen it at work many times.

Roy: But let me guess; you have ideas about that.

Edward: Well, maybe I do, maybe I don't. Besides, even if I did, I wouldn't tell YOU.

Roy: One day, Fullmetal… I will get those ideas from you.

**Alex,  
*whispers* what was your older sister like as a kid? Was she always so...scary?**

Armstrong: My elder sister has always been very tough, if I remember correctly. Although, when she was younger, before she trained in Briggs, she was a little more soft-hearted. She still cares about everything now as much as she did back then, but she just shows it in a different way.

**Hopefully Olivier didn't hear that, or else Alex is going to be attacked again… Next is ****BionicWafflle****!**

**Dear Tucker: Look, a supermodel! *releases hounds***

Tucker: Wha-GAH! *gets ripped to shreds by the dogs*

**Dear Ed, if you had to either read all of the Yaoi or drink milk, what would you do?**

Edward: Ugh. Both are disgusting, but I'd have to say drink the milk.

**Dear Riza, why you no love Roy?**

Riza: *stiffens* I… Colonel Mustang is just my superior officer and a good friend. That is all.

**Dear Alphonse, what if you were a ghost and Mei was the only one who could see you?**

Alphonse: I would need May to tell Ed, and, if she could, be a sort of medium when I tried to talk to somebody.

May: Oh, of course I would, Sir Alphonse! I would follow you and help you! (Thinking: And it would be sooo romantic!) *swoons*

**Dear Tucker's remains, *runs over with tractor***

*Tucker's guts and intestine bits splatter everywhere*

**Hm. I'm really going to need to tally up how many times (and all the different ways) Tucker has died in my story ;) Next is ****messykat211****!**

**Dear Riza-chan,  
What if Mustang 'accidentally' walked in on you, while you were changing?**

Riza: …*growls*

**Mustang,  
How would u feel in the situation above? What would you do? 83**

Roy: Uh… ah… *face pales* I-I… I would run for it, and tell the lieutenant it was an accident. *eyes shift awkwardly*

**Dear Tucker,  
*dark aura starts to form* kolkolkolkol...I want to play a game. *drags him away* :3**

Tucker: *moans*

**Dear Ed and Ling,  
*holds up paper* :D I drew a pretty picture, based off of JunJou Romantica for you guys Like it? :3**

Edward: *eye twitches*

Ling: *eyes actually open almost all the way*

Me: Ooh, let me s- … O_O"

**Dear Major Armstrong,  
*hops on his back and hangs on from neck* I, for one, think that the Armstrong lineage is truly amazing...and that you are very epic- may I borrow some of your sparkles?**

Armstrong: THANK YOU! And of COURSE, you may take all the sparkles you wish! *grips you in a bear hug*

**Dear Major Miles,  
*hops down and glomps him.* Hey *sparkle sparkle* ...I just met you and this is crazy. So here's my number and call me maybe...(blah blah however the rest of it goes.)**

Miles: *blink* Uh… thanks?

Me: …In the music video for that song, the guy she's trying to give her number to turns out to be… not STRAIGHT… And I don't think Miles is homosexual, since I've seen the way he acts around General Armstrong… Hehe…

Miles: What is a "music video"?

Me: Eh, I'll explain it later…

Miles: *confused face*

**Yeah, I MIGHT tell him (and/or show him) what I'm talking about later… Next is ****SoulEaterMarie****!**

**No... It's okay Riza.. I've got a new favorite ship. Hehehe.**

Riza: …

**Dear Jean Havoc,  
You are my new favorite ship, you and Roy.. Hehehe... Anyways.. What would you do if you and Roy were forced on a date?**

Havoc: What do you mean by "ship"?

Me: …

Roy: Yes, what does "ship" refer to?

Me: You know: "ship", "relationship" or pairing.

Roy and Havoc: O_o

Havoc: I do NOT like the Colonel that way! I stick to the straight and narrow! (Besides, I have enough trouble finding girlfriends WITHOUT them thinking I'm gay…)

Roy: Like when you admitted that you absolutely LOVE big boobs when we faced off against Lust, for example.

Havoc: Exactly! …Wait, why did you have to bring that up?!

**Dear Roy Mustang,  
What would you do if I "accidentally" burned all your gloves?**

Roy: I really wouldn't recommend burning them, since they're ignition gloves… But I wouldn't be happy, and the second I had gotten suitable replacements, I would almost certainly track you down. Or I could press charges for you destroying my property…

**Dear Edward Elric,  
Hai. What would you do if... Er... Well... You got turned into a cat?**

Edward: Well, I know Al wouldn't be too upset about it…

Alphonse: BROTHER! How could you say that?! Of course I would be worried! …But yeah, I would enjoy it… but only a VERY LITTLE BIT!

Roy: And at least he wouldn't be smashing things up, and storming around Central Headquarters swearing his head off.

Edward: But I would absolutely HATE it, and I would do anything to change back to normal.

**(Whisper: I think he would be an adorable little kitty :D) Next reviewer is ****ValleyOfDeath****!**

**Dear Tucker,  
*teleports me and him to the top of a mountain* FUS RO DA! *shout becomes a physical force***

Tucker: *screams and falls to his death*

**Dear Envy,  
*glares while waiting for shout to be usable* You're next.**

Envy: Yeah, good luck with that.

**Dear Lust,  
Damn it, my death glare technique doesn't work. *uses spell to freeze her up* Who wants to take a crack at her?**

Lust: *frozen*

Me: *just finished watching the episode "Death of the Undying"* For what she made Riza suffer… SHE SHALL SUFFER EVEN MORE! *roars and begins attacking violently*

**Dear Ed and Sciezska,  
I found a M rated story abou you two. How does that make you feel?**

Edward: Please don't tell me it was M-rated because we…

Sheska: …I heard nothing… I heard nothing… I heard nothing… *hyperventilates*

**Dear Everyone,  
I am releasing an army of Alexes *opens giant gate and 1,000 Alexes stream out***

Everyone: *screams*

Me: Oh, so THAT"S how the Apocalypse is going to happen! *runs and screams with everyone else*

**Dear Hughes,  
I heard everyone wanted to see EVERY photo you took of Elicia.**

Hughes: I KNEW you'd all come around someday! *pulls out a million photos* Now, where should we start!

Everybody: *slowly sneaks away while he's brooding over which picture to show first*

**He may be obsessive, but we still love him :) The next reviewer is ****ZakuroU****!**

**Dear Winry,  
Do you know, you could probably make millions by selling replicas of Edward's arm on the Internet.**

Winry: Really? That's awesome! But I'm actually really busy helping out customers in Rush Valley, along with trying to keep Ed's actual arm and leg maintained… *sweatdrops*

**Dear Roy,  
Have you ever realized something, then clicked your fingers and accidentally set something on fire?**

Roy: No, thankfully. The only reason I haven't is because there are two parts to making flames; one of those is something I can easily do without thinking, snapping my fingers to create sparks from the ignition gloves. The second step I have to actually think about doing; manipulating oxygen levels so that the sparks ignite and explode.

**Well that's awesome :) Next up is ****MystiqueSilver****!**

**Dear Truth,  
Are you only one of your kind, or are there more like you? Like a species of yours?**

Truth: I don't actually belong to a kind, since I'm, well, God.

**Dear, dear Tucker, (smiles evilly)  
You know, you are the reason I started watching this series. Because it was my first episode to watch, when you did that thing to Nina (still smiling) so.. Thanks making me watch this... HERES THE TARGET GUYS! (Makes air force drop missiles, bombs and even car)**

Tucker: Uh, thanks… *sees missiles, bombs, and car* Agh! *dies*

**Dear Scar,  
How are your people doing these days?**

Scar: We are doing much better. Some old hatred remains between Amestrians and Ishvalans, but the people who caused the pain and hatred are gone now. We are rebuilding, slowly but surely.

**Dear Ed,  
Don't you think you act immature sometimes?**

Edward: Well… doesn't everyone? Sometimes, yeah.

Alphonse: Yeah, usually it feels like I'm the older brother.

Edward: *growls*

Alphonse: *armor starts shaking*

**Dear Winry and Roy,  
What do you think about statement above?**

Winry: Saying "sometimes" is a complete understatement.

Roy: I'm with Fullmetal's girlfriend on this one.

Winry and Edward: HE/SHE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND! *both of their faces go crimson*

**De-niaaaaaal~! The last reviewer for today is ****Po. Lars****!**

**Dear Bradley,  
Did you and Pride have any Father-Son Moments?**

Bradley: All the time to keep everyone fooled.

Pride: Like how I had to constantly pretend that I couldn't read or write, and then act all excited when Wrath "taught" me a new word or something.

**Dear Ling,  
Do you have feelings for Lan Fan, and if you do, you have the Philosopher Stone, you're immortal; you'll be a teenager when she's old, that's kinda awkward.**

Ling: I brought home the Philosopher's Stone; I never actually made myself immortal with it. And… and I don't have feelings for Lan Fan.

Lan Fan: Should I kill him for you, Your Majesty?

Ling: No, no, he's fine.

**Dear Heinkel,  
What's your first name? Simba? Puma? Mr. Mistofalies? Rumpelteaser?**

Heinkel: …I hate you. And… I can't remember. The process of turning into a chimera sucked my memories almost bone-dry.

**And Zanpano,  
OINK OINK SNORT OINK OINK GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT SNORT GRUNT OINK**

Zampano: *sigh* Really? I might have pig DNA in me, but you could at least be decent… Plus, I actually don't understand animal language, thank you very much.

**Well, that's all for now, but I have a few things I need to say. First, I'm REALLY sorry for not updating on time. I was super busy, and, on top of that, I had a 5K marathon to run (and Word was being a real pain to work with today). Second, as I mentioned in the previous chapter, the 200 review anniversary for ****What Would You Do?**** is approaching. I want to do something special to celebrate, but the problem is that I don't know what to do… *sweatdrops* So when you guys review, could you put in a suggestion? It would be much appreciated :) Thank you!**

**Harryswoman****: Wow, you're really trying to upset Edward, aren't you? X)**

**BabyBlueBeluga****: Yeah, I think Royai is awesome :D Oh, and I would be careful around Ed, because it looks like he's plotting something evil.**

**Madame Kasumi****: Thank you very much! Oh, and I freaking LOVE your profile pic! :D**

**Ice Prince****: …I kind of want to know who hooked up with Olivier/your mom… :3**

**KylaSoulSongAlchemist****: Don't be ashamed! Enjoy the youth (and easy hiding from dragon hunters) while you can! And I do get killed in this story a lot, don't I? Lol. I kind of let them kill me, because, when you're immortal, it's actually pretty entertaining. **

**Lotrprincess****: Yeah, I thought so, too. Or maybe it's because he actually considered Kimblee as a good ally/friend? I don't know what goes on in Pride's scary little mind. Oh, and sure! I love company in the nerd corner!**

**Bluefire21guest****: And I'm super happy that I actually have the chance to make people's day better! And everyone's reviews definitely make MY day :) Thank you!**

**Immortal Horse****: Oh, don't worry. I hear there are quite a few "sparkle-therapy" offices in Central. For some reason, they seem to fluctuate in business wherever Armstrong and his family travel…**

**9foxgrl****: Glad you thought so! I was a little nervous because I hadn't worked on this story in a while… But at least I can still put up a decent update! :D**

**Messykat211****: Well, I try to update as on-time as I possibly can ;) And yes, adolescence is a VERY awkward time in life, lol.**

**ValleyOfDeath****: Quoting Armstrong in 3… 2… 1… YOUR BEHAVIOR IS MOST SUSPICIOUS! Lol, plot twists are my best friends when I'm writing them, but they're my mortal enemy and worst nightmare when other people write them XD And I apologize, but Creed is right… if I went mad, I wouldn't be able to do nearly as well in school or write my stories (maybe). So no madness (yet; if I'm not insane enough as it is)!**

**ZakuroU****: Awesome! Ever since I watched/read FMA, I've been obsessed with alchemy; both real-life and the alchemy on the show, although the two do share similarities.**

**MystiqueSilver****: If they weren't in the cage, we'd all get torn apart, my friend… You see, they were a very dangerous sub-species of Ed fangirl known as the **_**Obsessivus nolifus**_**. One whiff of Elric scent, and they turn murderous. Once they have hunted down Ed, they often turn into what is known as the dreaded Mary Sue.**

**Po. Lars****: Aw, darn, I want to go to England! :( *sigh* Oh well. **

**Thanks for reading and (hopefully) reviewing, everybody! See you (technically?) on Wednesday!**

**-Dfire**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey everyone! Time for another round of questions for our beloved FMA characters!**

**I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, because I'm just a broke teenager that has mildly decent writing. And the first reviewer for today is… *drumroll* ****BabyBlueBeluga****!**

**Dear Ed,  
Umm... Did Dfire really tell you? *shivers***

Edward: Oh yes, yes she did! :) *evil grin*

Me: *whistles innocently* Did I, now?

BabyBlueBeluga: Grrr… You are such a horrible friend… Wait… YOU WERE DISTRACTING ME! *looks around in a panic*

Me: Oh, no… I wouldn't do that… :3

Edward: Looking for this? *holds up drawing of Roy and Riza kissing* I can't say much about your awful taste…

BabyBlueBeluga: *squeak*

Me: (Whisper: Ed… run for your life… before she gets over the trauma…)

Edward: (Whisper: Sure thing!) *flees*

**Dear Roy,  
I dare you to tell Riza how much she makes you swoon.**

Roy: O_O

Riza: …

Roy: *slowly turns to face Riza* Lieutenant…

Riza: …Yes, sir…?

Roy: I believe it is safe to say I have never swooned once.

Riza: Indeed sir. Otherwise you would have had a bullet through your head.

**Dear Riza,  
Tell Roy to wear a miniskirt and prance around the office with Hayate screaming, "Canine companion how we salute thee!" (He has to do it. He promised a reviewer :3)**

Riza: Uh…

Roy: I DID NOT PROMISE YOU ANYTHING!

Riza: But, sir… we're in a fanfiction. The author can force us to do things…

Me: Yes, yes I can. (But nothing inappropriate, you perverts!)

Roy: Uh… does this count as inappropriate?

Me: Nope. Now get in the miniskirt before I magic one on you.

Roy: #$%...

(A few minutes later)

Roy: *skipping around the office in a miniskirt* CANINE COMPANION, HOW WE SALUTE THEE…

Hayate: *whimper*

**Dear Hayate,  
*picks you up and runs away* Have you ever been kidnapped before?**

Hayate: *confused*

Riza: Put my dog down. NOW. *safety lock clicks off on gun*

**Dear Havoc,  
You are becoming a cancer stick... What do you have to say for yourself?**

Havoc: Okay, okay, will all of you be quiet about the cigarettes?!

**Maybe we should get him weaned off his cigarettes before he dies of cancer or dies from how many people pester him about the cigarettes. Next is ****Kitten1313****!**

**Dear Havoc,  
Sorry, I'm back, any way I was hoping since you're not in the military anymore do you mind being my body guard? I think you would make a really cute one ;3**

Havoc: Sure! And thanks! :3

**Dear Tucker,  
Before I kill you, I want to ask you, what would you have done if you never were a alchemist? Oh and do you like my 'magic cane' I borrowed if from a certain Russian. (Smashes head with magic cane) I feel better.**

Tucker: If I were never an alchemist, then I'd probably still be on the street… *dies*

Me: Well, I feel better, too! :D

**Dear Al,  
Cats are awesome so here (hands a basket of cats) Enjoy.**

Alphonse: *squeals* Yay! *cuddles*

**Dear Ed,  
Hmm...(Pulls Antenna and runs away) Yeah, so worth it.**

Edward: *eye twitches*

(Ground starts shaking)

Edward: I… WILL… MAKE… YOU… SUFFER… Ahaha… AHAHAHAHAHA! *eyes start glowing red* YOU SHALL FEEL THE PURE WRATH OF HELL!

**Oh crap. You shoved him into his "demonic mode"… And from the looks of it, he's out for blood. So… uh… good luck with that. (Just kidding; we're restraining him as I type!) Next is ****KylaSoulSongAlchemist****!**

**Dear Father,  
Me help with your plan? Sorry. I would if I were a soul stealer instead of a dragon... Wait... I'm not completely dragon. FFF! Whatever. I don't have any soul stealer in me. I do have friends that deal in souls, though. Noah, another dragon (a lindworm, actually), has been working with the Zepharion Death Weasels (I haven't met them) and donating souls to them, and Samantha is a soul stealer. Considering your plan includes souls, I would ask them.**

Father: …

**Uncle Envy-sama,  
...I made you a cake. Mom says I'm good at that. I don't really know what I'm getting at. Here... if you want.**

Envy: … *slowly eats cake*

**Dear Uncle Greed,  
*sigh* I was never good at taking jokes, considering my hyper-sensitivity... Hugs?**

Greed: Uh… sure? *awkward hugs* Not used to hugs…

**Dear Roy,  
I won't be biting your head. *head desk***

Roy: Okay?

**Dear Uncle Gluttony,  
How the heck do you deal with the hunger? It's painful... I'm sort-of-but-not-really annoyed by the fact that I inherited your hunger, but it's really just impossible to dislike you for really anything. Made you a cake, too.**

Gluttony: I don't like being hungry… :( Ooh, cake! :D *wolfs down cake*

**Aunt Lust,  
That makes everything so clear now! *points in the air dramatically* And now what would you do if... damn it, I forgot again. Meh.**

Lust: You're welcome.

**Dear Nina,  
Of course Alexander can come!**

Nina: Yay~!

Alexander: WOOF! :D

**Dear Hughes,  
Aaawww... if it helps with anything at all, I wouldn't mind babysitting every once in a while. She's a kid, not an infant, so I wouldn't be absolutely terrified of her. I'm scared of babies, I don't know why... But! What would you say if someone told you that seeing happy kids was one of the few things that were happy that didn't seem to mock them in their happiness? *Aekij frowns and points a sign at me* Aekij, don't point, sweetie. Even if it's me.**

Hughes: Thanks! You just gotta love my little angel :3

Me: Well, I'm a little afraid of babies… mostly because I'm afraid of how fragile they are… *sweatdrops*

**Dear Major Armstrong,  
*face is blue* Affection kills me. Almost literally.**

Armstrong: *puts you down* Here, young one! A gift from the prestigious Armstrong line to you! *some of his sparkles move to you*

**Dear Uncle Pride and Uncle Wrath,  
Heh heh, sorry you had to deal with that bout of randomness. Happens all the time. Yes, that person was high off of cactus juice. Other than that, I kind of hate you, Pride... I mean, you're cool, but don't eat Gluttony again, please. I'm about as strong as all of the homunculi combined.**

Wrath: *sigh*

Pride: Hmph. Fine.

**Yeah… because then he'd also have to deal with me when I'm angry. Next is ****9foxgrl****!**

**Ed,  
Since you hate regular milk would you be willing to try soy or rice milk made from plants?**

Edward: …I'll try it.

Me: *hands him some soy milk*

Edward: …*drinks some*… This is actually kind of good…

**Winry,  
Have you ever heard of mecha manga? *gives her copy of Gundam***

Winry: *reading* SQUEEE! There are machines EVERYWHERE! :D So many cool parts…!

Me: And suddenly, this show becomes related to the show Full Metal Panic! XD (I think. I've never watched it, but I saw a trailer for it that had mechs and stuff.)

**Wrath/Bradley (whatever you call yourself)  
If you had to get into a sword fight with General Armstrong with no added perks as a homunculus (or outside help) do you think you could win?**

Bradley: Of course. After all, I've been sword fighting my entire life, even before I was injected with the Stone.

**Olivier,  
Same question as above.**

Olivier: It would be a very tough challenge, but at least I would stand a chance when he doesn't have his Homunculus powers.

**Yeah… considering he took out a whole bunch of soldiers and a tank, single-handedly… Next is ****Immortal Horse****!**

**Envy: by true form do you mean the little worm form?**

Envy: *sigh* No. I'm usually talking about my other, much larger and powerful form.

**Roy: would you really make all the women folk wear miniskirt if you became top dog?**

Roy: Probably not, mostly because I would be under threat of assassination by all the women in the military…

**Olivier: how would you react to having to wear a miniskirt?  
*grabs chair and popcorn* This is gonna be good.**

Olivier: *murderous look* I would be very pissed, and kill anyone in sight…

**Izumi: if you could change one thing during the time you trained Ed and Al, what would it be?**

Izumi: I would have tried to drill it into their heads that Human Transmutation is a BAD idea. I should have told them about me trying to bring my baby back… Maybe then they wouldn't have performed that damned alchemy.

Edward: Teacher…

Alphonse: Teacher, it's not your fault… We were so stupid back then we probably would have done it anyways.

***sniffle* Okay, who's cutting the onions…? Aaaaanywho, next up is ****Ice Prince****!**

***Beats up Envy until he's a mini gecko & traps him in a see through paint bucket* Here Mr. Hughes, just still him in a paint can shaker, put it at max power and enjoy. Bring popcorn and a video camera Roy!**

Hughes and Roy: *evil grin*

Me: Envy, you are so in for it! XD

Envy: Hey, I'm your favorite Homunculus, right? HELP!

Me: MOST of the time you're my favorite. But this is totally revenge for killing Hughes and scarring my friends and me for life.

**Fullmetal,  
Have you thought about being a teacher or a researcher after you leave the military?**

Edward: Actually, yeah, I have. They would be fun jobs.

**Everyone,  
What would you have done if Fullmetal was elected as the new Fuhrer? Because apparently some guys in the East tried to write him in as a candidate in my dimension.**

Roy: Freak out and run like hell to Xing.

Winry: Make him buy me a ton of automail equipment~!

Alphonse: Uh… be pretty happy and surprised?

Riza: *blinks* Isn't he a bit young to be a candidate, much less Fuhrer?

Hughes: I would have him put pictures of my dear little Elicia all over his office!

Homunculi: …

Ling: Well, I could eat all I want!

Me: I'm with Roy.

Edward: All of you suck… -_-"

**Izumi,  
Hi Auntie Izumi! What would you do if you found out about what Tucker did before Scar got to him?**

Izumi: *cracks knuckles* I'll leave the gruesome beating up to your imagination.

Edward and Alphonse: *bland tone* He would be begging Scar to kill him by that point.

**Havoc,  
Heads up, AVOID THE CACTUS JUICE IN THE EASTERN DESERT!  
*shudders* You guys don't want to know how bad he gets on that stuff.**

Havoc: Uh… okay?

**Ling,  
You avoid it too, lest you try to eat a boulder again.**

Ling: Um… that happened in this universe, too… *sweatdrops*

…**Not going to ask. Next is ****Harryswoman****!**

**Father: What would you have done if Ed and Roy were killed before the Promised Day?**

Father: It depends how long before they were killed. If we were truly pressed for time, we would have to kidnap two other State Alchemists and force them through the Gate.

**Riza: Have you ever fired warning shots at Roy?**

Riza: Only a couple times, but he listens a lot better than he did then.

**Al: Here are some kittens. *gives Al four kittens***

Alphonse: Thank you! *cuddles*

Me: Can I see one…?

Alphonse: Sure! *hands over a kitten*

Me: *cuddles * :3

**Ehehe… I love kittens! :D Next up is ****Bluefire211guest****! Oh, and if Ed and Roy don't answer the questions, they'll have the demonic butler after them! :D**

**Dear Roy: Do you think of Ed as a son? If so, if someone, say, killed him, what would you do?**

Roy: …Fullmetal's not my kid. But if someone killed him, it's almost certain that I would slowly and agonizingly murder the bastard.

**Dear Ed: Do you think of Mustang as the father figure in your life (considering your own father ran off to "save the world", of which he didn't even succeed in! You fail Van, you just fail!)? And what would you do if I told you why I was mad at you when you first met me (you'll hate Kayal forever for this!)?**

Edward: What? No. And… listen, I guess? I admit, I'm a little curious. And yeah, Hohenheim's a bastard for leaving us, but he mainly left because he wanted to find a way to make Mom's promise come true; that she wouldn't die before him.

**Dear Tucker: what would you do with your life if you had used Ed instead of Nina in the transmutation? **

Tucker: Hide, likely. There are a lot of people that are friends with him that would hunt me down.

Me: …*pushes him off a cliff*

**If he had done that to Ed… *snarls* Next is ****DeathByChocolate****!**

**Envy,  
What would you do if you were stuck in your tiny form with no way to turn back? And if you had to choose one form to stay in forever, other than your palm tree body, what would you choose?**

Envy: I would quickly take my own life before Father decided that I was useless to him. And if I had to choose one form to stay in, it would definitely be my true, giant form. It may be less stealthy, but I refuse to remain as a human for eternity.

**Ling,  
I dare you to recite the entire hotel room service list.**

Ling: Sure! First, I got some chicken noodle soup for Lan Fan, Fu, and me. Then we got plenty of crackers for the soup. Afterwards, I ordered different types of cheeses to try, along with some sausage. Then, for the main course, I got some roast ham, salad, pasta, and mashed potatoes. After that was done, I got ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, apple pie, key lime tarts, and chocolate cake :)

**Truth,  
Have you ever considered dressing up in a suit and cosplaying as Slenderman?**

Truth: Of course I have. It scares everybody, and works every time.

**That would be so funny… Next reviewer is ****BionicWafflle****!**

**Dear Hohenheim, can I call you Papa Hoho? *clings to arm***

Hohenheim: *sigh* Sure.

**Dear Father, do people ever start talking to you, thinking you're Papa Hoho? Does it hurt your feelings?**

Father: I haven't met very many humans, but when they do think I'm Hohenheim, I get annoyed that they would mistake me for that spineless, ungrateful fool.

**Dear Kimblee, would you make a good therapist for the Ishvalan war? What would you say to people?**

Kimblee: No, I wouldn't. I'm a sociopath. *shrugs* I'd tell them that I enjoy it, and I don't really care about their problems.

**Dear Tucker, *laughs evilly* Now don't think I forgot about you. Let's play a game. Simon says jump! Too slow! *sends army of rabid hamsters after him***

Tucker: Why hamsters?! *gets ripped to shreds*

**Dear Ling, *hands him a cookie***

Ling: Thanks!

**Dear Envy, what would you do if you turned into a ghost one day, and only children could see you?**

Envy: Hehe… I could scare the life out of those kids, right in front of their parents, too! It would be so fun torturing the little saps.

***growls* Envy, stop being a deranged stalker. Next is ****lotrprincess****!**

**Dear Alphonse,  
Well, in that case...KITTEN FIGHT! Wait, when you're in your real body, won't your own natural adorableness turn against you?!**

Alphonse: *laughs* Don't worry, I'm not allergic to adorableness. Otherwise, I'd have died a long time ago from all the stray kittens we found in Resembool. And thank you for calling me cute! :)

**Dear Mustang,  
What would you do if your State title was the Sparky-Sparky-Boom Alchemist?**

Roy: First, that would have been annoying, and second, I would strongly request to have my title changed.

**Dear FMA cast,  
What would you do if Ed suddenly didn't spaz out anymore?**

Roy: That wouldn't be fun at all…

Everyone else: *checks to make sure Hell hasn't frozen over*

Edward: HEY! I CAN STOP "SPAZZING OUT" IF I WANT TO!

Roy: …*snickers*

**Not-so-dear Kimblee,  
What were you doing during those months between the time that Briggs defeated the Drachman army, and the Promised Day?**

Kimblee: I had to travel around and make sure that everything was prepared for the Promised Day, and when I was almost done, I got Morse code from Pride saying that the enemy had trapped him, along with giving his location.

**Dear Edward,  
I'm sorry to ask a question like this, but I'm actually really curious. Which was more painful: losing your limbs, automail surgery, or having the metal beam pulled out of your side?**

Edward: It's probably the beam being pulled out. When I lost my limbs, I had adrenaline spiking, which lessened the pain a bit. Automail surgery was horrible, but when the beam was being pulled out, I could feel all the blood gushing around inside me, almost like a bag full of water…

**Dear Everyone Else (especially Alphonse),  
Speaking of the Baschool incident, did Ed ever tell you that he sacrificed part of his lifespan?**

Alphonse: WHAT?! BROTHER!

Roy: What do you mean, "Sacrificed his own lifespan"? Fullmetal?

Winry: Ed…?

Edward: It was either that or die in a few minutes!

Alphonse: But… what about sacrificing some of your life span? How did you heal yourself from a mortal wound when you've only studied medicinal alchemy?

Edward: …I used my own soul like a Philosopher's Stone.

Roy: That's possible…?

Alphonse: Ed…

Winry: Oh no…

Edward: Hey… Hey, what's with all the long faces? It's done and over with. I still won't kick the bucket for decades! Or at least after Colonel Bastard, because he's old.

Roy: *growls*

**You know, I kind of wish there was an episode where everyone found out that Edward had sacrificed some of his lifespan to save himself. Next is ****ValleyOfDeath****!**

**Dear everyone,  
What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?**

Alphonse: Well, first, the laws of relativity state that there is no such thing as an immovable object. Let's look at a mountain, for example. It may seem immovable, but…

Edward: If you were riding in a car at a distance from the mountain, it would seem like you weren't moving, but the mountain was. So basically, there's no such thing as an immovable object. But what I think most people mean is an object that isn't moving, and can't start moving when pushed or pulled.

Alphonse: So it's not an immovable object, but an un-acceleratable object.

Hohenheim: Exactly. And due to Newton's Second Law, we know that an object's acceleration is equal to the total force on it divided by it's mass. Thus, an immovable object would have to have infinite mass.

Edward: Although this doesn't mean that the object is still, it just means that, no matter what, you can't change it's speed. So what about the unstoppable force? Well, all the fundamental forces in nature (electromagnetism, weak nuclear force, strong nuclear force, and gravity) are caused by particles, like photons or gluons or gravitons that interact with an object and change it's momentum.

Hohenheim: The only way to not be affected by a force is to not interact with it at all, like how electrons don't interact with gluons, so they aren't subject to the strong nuclear force. Even light itself is an immovable object. Every photon that hits your body changes your momentum a tiny little bit, and there's nothing you can do about it, other than avoid light altogether or…

Alphonse: Become transparent. So all forces are unstoppable. However, people probably mean, by unstoppable force, something that you can't stop from barreling down on you, or an object whose velocity cannot be changed by pushing on it. Although, this would mean that it was an un-acceleratable object. So basically, an immovable object and unstoppable force are actually the same thing.

Edward: But since infinite mass equals infinite energy, we don't know of anything like that. Anyways, pretending there was something that behaved like that, if the two objects collided, since it isn't possible for the velocity of either of them to change, they would actually just pass right through each other, not affecting each other at all.

Me: So, did the family of geniuses explode your brains yet? XD

**Dear Ed,  
I happen to know a short girl who I think is just your type.**

Edward: Are you implying that I'm short? *glares* …So, uh… how tall is she…?

**Dear Roy,  
Am I the only one that knows you don't "snap" per se, but the 'snap' sound is caused by the instantaneous speed at which the highly concentrated gases and sparks react together and pop?**

Roy: Well, Fullmetal and his Einstein family know it.

Edward: It's actually pretty easy to figure out if you listen close enough.

Riza: Well, I believe any alchemist, or anyone very close to the colonel, knows about it.

**And I knew it because of the FMA Wiki :D Next up is ****ReindeerChimera****!**

**Dear Ed, Al and Colonel Mustang,  
(transmutes a bomb and sound proof shelter) That should be good enough... Now, who do you think's the scariest woman in Amestris?**

All three: *bland tone* Izumi Curtis.

**Dear Pride,  
The other 6 homunculi have Ouroboros tattoos somewhere on their body, but I haven't seen yours. Maybe I wasn't paying close attention to the manga, but will you tell me where your tattoo is?**

Pride: I don't have one.

**Dear Ed and Al,  
Winry and I baked you a pie! It's... PIE FLAVOUR. (ASDF style... yes, sorry, I copied another reviewer)**

Edward: *confused*

Alphonse: Well, that's awesome…

**Dear Lieutenant Colonel Hughes,  
Do you always carry a camera around when you're around Elicia (and )…sorry? Aren't cameras from the 1900s HUGE? You should see modern-day cameras...**

Hughes: *looks at modern camera* Oh… my… gosh… It looks so portable… I could take so many pictures with it… *reaches for camera*

Me: Oh no you don't. You already have hundreds of photos as is.

Hughes: *sniff* P-please?

Me: …Fine… *hands him the camera*

Hughes: THANKS! *runs off*

Me: …AAAAND I just unleashed a monster upon Amestris.

**Dear Major Armstrong,  
Can you make your sparkles green? Cuz I like green! :3**

Armstrong: OF COURSE! THE INNATE ABILITY TO CHANGE SPARKLE COLOUR HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS! *some of his sparkles turn red, some emerald, a couple purple, and a rainbow sparkle that would give a seizure to anybody with epilepsy*

**O_O Holy crap, that's… ooh, so… flashy… *almost passes out* Uh… the… next reviewer… is ****messykat211****!**

**Dear Miles and Kimblee,  
I think you guys are absolutely gorgeous! Would you mind if I had ta- took some pictures of you? *holds up camera and looks up, trying to look cute***

Miles: Uh… sure?

Kimblee: … (Probably thinking about how to explode the Eiffel Tower or something like that)

**Dear Breda,  
...Omg you're a ginger! I have to show you something! *shows him that episode of South Park about the ginger kids* Watcha think?**

Breda: Well, I have a VERY easy way to prove that "gingers" have souls. On the Promised Day, when everyone got their soul stolen by Father, all the red-haired people in Amestris were affected as well! I. HAVE. A. SOUL.

**Dear General Armstrong,  
*talks quickly* Are you and Miles an item? How do u feel towards Captain Buccaneer? Why are you always so angry? Got milk? Got rice? Do you like waffles? Why you no sparkle?! *finally slows down* Lol I love annoying you...**

Olivier: …*twitching* *draws sword*

Me: HEY! STAY AWAY FROM MY REVIEWERS!

**Dear Colonel Mustang,  
We all know that you love Riza. Please, just admit it and make a move. You never know who might come along and take her away.**

Roy: …*blushes* Urghmhmhm… Hawkeye…

Riza: Yes, sir?

Roy: *leans forward and whispers something*

Riza: *blushes*

**Dear Fuery,  
I wanna cut and dye your hair...**

Fuery: …Cool?

**Dear Ed,  
I'd like see you cosplay as Sailor Moon. Pretty please...you either do this or drink a gallon of milk. Pick one.**

Edward: *drinks a gallon of milk* Ugh… *throws up*

Alphonse: Uh… Brother…? Are you okay…?

Edward: *still vomiting* I… *cough* would have… *cough* been sicker… *cough* if I'd cosplayed as an emotional… *cough* teenage girl… *cough* who has the worst issues ever when it comes to that weird Tuxedo Mask guy… *blech* Ugh… I think I'm done…

**Sailor Moon… good manga, but I really hate the voices for Luna, Tuxedo Mask, and sometimes Usagi-oh wait, she got renamed Serena in the English dub… Yeah, I really am not a fan of the anime. Except the theme song, because it's catchy. Next up is ****Po. Lars****!**

**Dear Truth,  
Why did you look like a ball when Father was at the Gate?**

Truth: I take on the form of anyone that visits the Gate, since, you know… I am all, I am one, and I am you.

**Dear Al,  
Ever since your fight with Buccaneer, your hair got a lot shorter, ever want a wig?**

Alphonse: *envisions self with an afro wig* I, uh… think I'm good… short hair is all the rage these days, anyways! *sweatdrops*

Me: How the heck can a suit of armor sweatdrop?

Alphonse: You know, I really have no idea.

**Dear Tucker,  
I'm sorry for the way my brother treated you, unlike him, I have a proper respectfulness, *makes chimera crackers with broken animal crackers and icing* Here, have some chimera crackers! (Wait until Tuckers response.) Oooooooh Manticore! *Manticore, an amazing lion-half-dragon-scorpion beast* My manticore however, is not!**

Tucker: …Huh. Well that's interesting.

Me: Actually, you're missing one more component of a manticore. It's scorpion, lion, and human. Their faces are human, but quite disturbing.

Tucker: Well, some stories may leave out that particular deta-

Me: *stabs him through with an iron bar* Hey, I just recreated the Baschool incident! :D …Oh wait. I did it in the wrong place. *pulls it out*

Tucker: *screams*

Me: It's supposed to go through here! *stab*

Tucker: *twitches and dies*

**Dear Dolchetto and Martel,  
How come unlike Darius, Heinkel, Jerso, Zanpano, and Loa, you don't turn into a half animal hybrid?**

Martel: There are different types of chimeras that result from different DNA sequence combinations.

Dolchetto: And different scientists or alchemists have different ways of making a chimera, so it just kind of depends. We were made like this by a different scientist than Darius, Heinkel, Zampano, and Roa.

**And finally,  
Selim, how are you now that you're not a blood-thirsty abomination?**

Selim: What's an abo-ma-nation?

Me: A monster, sweetie.

Selim: But… I'm not a monster…

Me: (He has amnesia.) No, you're not!

Selim: Okay! *picks a flower* It's for Mommy!

**Aw! So cute~! Next is ****Lucky Straight****!**

**Ling, did you ever pay Ed back for all food you ate?**

Ling: Sure I did!

Edward: No you didn't.

Ling: I did! I gave you the friendship of the Emperor's son! And now I'm the Emperor!

Edward: I don't care. I want my money.

Ling: … *flees*

Edward: GET THE HELL BACK HERE!

**Pride, if you ate the rest of the sins, what would the odds be of you beating Father?**

Pride: Maybe a seventy-five percent chance of winning. But I would never turn against my own father.

**Ed, please tell me in full detail why one shouldn't drink milk. I'm interested.**

Edward: First, it's basically grass that's been soaked in stomach acid, vomited up, swallowed, soaked in more acid, and then it's filled with chemicals before going out of the dangly pink udder., which, by the way, has probably had cow crap on it, as well as other stuff.

Me: They pasteurize it…

Edward: It's disgusting, opaque, unholy liquid. End of story.

**Roy, are you and Riza not together because of military rules?**

Roy: Maybe…

Riza: Otherwise, we likely would have dated earlier on.

**Shou, when you did that to Nina, were you aware that it might have turned out differently, where she had a human form and a half human half animal form, or were you aiming for what you got?**

Tucker: If I had only made her a half human half animal, then everyone would immediately know that I had performed illegal human experimentation, which means I would never get my license back.

Me: License, license, license… *knocks him unconscious and drags him off* He's going to have another fun, painful lesson.

**Olivier: Hmph. Pathetic… Anyways, next up is ****Kittenizzy Loves Edward Elric****.**

**Dear Ed, Will you marry me? Or at least give me a hug? And do you like spicy foods?**

Edward: Uh… here's a hug. *hugs* And hell yeah! Spicy foods are the best!

**Dear Envy, Will you marry me? *gives you hug* I love you Envy! Oh, what was your favorite murder?**

Envy: No, get off me. And my favorite murder, huh? Ooh… that's tough. But I'd have to say the time I shot that innocent Ishvalan child and started a huge civil war… That. Was. GREAT.

**Dear Greed, I love you, will you marry me? Or give me a hug? And does it feel weird sharing life with Ling? **

**Dear Ling, same shtuff as Greed!**

Greed: Here, little lady. *hugs* Yeah, it does get a bit weird, since, well, you don't get any privacy… and he knows my thoughts…

Ling: *hugs* Well, I have to deal with it, too. And you're the one that mainly has control of my body, Greed. Most of the time.

Greed: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Ling: I'm telling you, you have it easier.

Greed: Not with everyone mistaking me for you!

Ling: I have to be constantly surrounded by a bunch of screaming, wailing souls that you never bothered to talk to, like Ed's old man did.

Greed: *rolls his eyes* Kid, I don't have time for that. It takes a lot of hard, cold EFFORT to take over the world, ya know!

**Dear Havoc, Will you marry me and give me a hug? I love you! Do you like chocolate?**

Havoc: Eheh… glad that I'm appreciated! Here… *hugs* And of course I love chocolate! Who doesn't?

Me: *shows up with bloodstains still on face* Well, a friend of mine didn't like it because he was allergic to sugar…

Everyone: *gasp* Allergic… to SUGAR?!

Me: Horrifying, I know…

Elicia and Nina: WE WOULD DIE! D:

**So would I! *cleans off bloodstains* Ever notice that humans are very fun to blow up when their name happens to be Shou Tucker? Next is ****Madame Kasumi****!**

**Hughes,  
Can I see your pictures of Elicia?**

Hughes: Sure! *pulls out hundreds of photos* Now, where do I begin…?

**Ed,  
Have you ever thought of grilling on your arm?**

Edward: I tried it once, but the hamburger ended up tasting like the oil that I have to put on the joints…

**Winry,  
would you install a grill on his arm?**

Winry: *sigh* No, because he would just get that damaged, too…

**Al,  
What would you do if you had the option of keeping a ton of cats or turning INTO a cat?**

Alphonse: I've always thought it would be awesome to be a cat. They have night vision, perfect balance, they're ADORABLE… and they can eat, drink, and sleep. But I'll wait until I have my body back to be able to eat and stuff again, because it might be a bit harder for Brother to get my original body back if I was a cat… that and I wouldn't be much use fighting against the Homunculi!

**Roy and Hughes,  
If you both weren't in the military and had met somewhere else, would you still become friends?**

Roy: *laughs* The great thing about Hughes is that it's impossible to dislike him. I think we would get along pretty well.

Hughes: Roy's a good guy. I knew that even when I first saw him… although we weren't the best of friends then… *laughs*

Roy: Heh. Rivals, more like.

**Everyone,  
What if Alex acted like Oliver and Oliver Acted like Alex? What if Ed liked Milk, Didn't cuss, and loved being called short?**

Alex: 0.0

Olivier: NO WAY IN HELL!

Alphonse, Roy, and Winry: *gasp* O_O

Edward: … #$%...

Roy: I don't know what's scarier… A Fullmetal that LIKES being called short, or a Fullmetal that didn't swear.

Edward: Oh shaddup, stupid Colonel Bastard…

Roy: My point exactly.

**Well, personally, all three (along with Olivier acting like Alex, vice versa) are probably going to make me have nightmares… Next up is ****ZakuroU****!**

**Dear Edward and Roy,  
I wanna know what ya'll meant by '...' when ya got asked about RoyEd parentals.**

Edward: Well… duh, it was an awkward question.

Roy: If I ever had a son, he would be much better disciplined.

Edward: Oh shut up. You only wish I was your son because I'm AWESOME.

Roy: As if, runt. As if.

Edward: WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' SO RUNTY THAT A BABY BIRD WOULD EAT HIM WHOLE, YOU BASTARD!

Roy: Well, who else? *narrowly avoids being kicked in the head*

Me: As a sort of extra thought… anyone ever wonder how funny it would be if they had a fight, without using alchemy? I would bet on Ed, mostly because of Izumi… *shiver* Well, that and Roy probably is getting dependent on flame alchemy.

**Dear Edward,  
If it makes you feel any better, you are taller than a lot of people I know. And, if you truly are 165 cm tall, then you are 3 centimetres taller than I am, and I have never been called short once in my whole life. (Take that, Roy! Wait, if Ed is considered short, does that make me and my friends short...?)**

Edward: Well, that's awesome! :D

Roy: Glad to be amongst your 'little' friends?

Edward: SHUT. UP.

Havoc: I think the colonel only teases Ed because well, yeah, it IS pretty funny, but also because he's not too tall himself. *stands next to Roy* See, I'm taller.

Roy: *eye twitch*

Edward: *evil grin* So THAT"S why, huh?

Roy: It is not. If you're actually taller than some people, that means I'm taller than a whole bunch of people.

Edward: Uh-huh. Whatever you say… *still grinning like he's plotting something*

**Oh geez, here we go again XD The last reviewer for the day is ****Chibineko Senju****!**

**Major Armstrong,  
are your sparkles actually physical and solid?**

Armstrong: No… they are a manifestation of light brought forth by PASSION! *rips off shirt and sparkles*

**I think it's some kind of alchemy… Lol. Everybody, I am so sorry that I couldn't update on Wednesday. Some of the reason was that finals week starts on Monday, so this week has been full of studying, cramming, homework, etc. But mostly it's because the program that I write this story on, Microsoft Word Starter, was being a real pain in the arse. Every SINGLE TIME I OPENED IT to write this story, it would freeze and crash on me XP In fact, the only reason I was even able to update today was because it decided to be merciful for about two hours after I FINALLY found a way to fix it. So thanks for hearing out my sorry excuses :) **

**BabyBlueBeluga****: Well, he certainly got you, eh, Fuhrer? Anyways, here's your picture back… :D**

**LightningPhoenix2001****: I've only just started watching and reading Fairy Tail, but I really like it so far! I haven't gotten to the dragon slayers yet, but in general, I'm really not a huge fan of them…**

**Kitten1313****: I think Ed's never going to forgive you for that one XD**

**KylaSoulSongAlchemist****: Living in the woods would be a grand thing, my friend :) I actually haven't read Abarat, but I'll see if I can't find it! And… sure? Christopher Carrion is all yours… LOL. I read like that too! Speed reading is just plain fun, especially when people start going, "How can you possibly read that fast?!" Oh, and sometimes, all I can think about is cake, too :) As well as an awesome character…**

**9foxgrl****: Thanks~!**

**Immortal Horse****: Yeah, it's REALLY hard to stop watching once you get that far in the series. The second I get those episodes… they shall be watched over NINE-THOUSAND TIMES!**

**Ice Prince****: Hehe… I died laughing after the paint can shaker thing! And I had a guess as to who your father was… looks like I'm right!**

**Harryswoman****: Lol. And OF COURSE Ed never gets melodramatic… XD**

**Blufire21guest****: Thanks for the suggestion! I only recently started reading Black Butler (finished volume 2), but I really love it :) And I hope you have a great week as well!**

**DeathByChocolate****: Yes, Igneel is a cousin of mine. A distant cousin, but a very nice one ;)**

**ValleyOfDeath****: Thanks! I've got a plan now for the next chapter… :D Oh, and to answer your first question, I had to look it up on YouTube. It's a REALLY great video by MinutePhysics, and very interesting to watch!**

**ReindeerChimera****: I like being immortal, too :) It sure makes getting killed less of a hassle… And I loved that one episode! Poor Breda… but closer to the end of the series, he actually seems to like Hayate more. And thanks for your suggestion! **

**Messykat211****: Yeah, it gets stuck in my head quite often. It's a catchy song, though!**

**Po. Lars****: You made me spit out my water when I read the FMA Musical thing XD I have a question: I'm already putting something on the end of the next chapter, but is it all right if I use the Musical as well? It's just so funny that I need to use it… :3 **

**Lucky Straight****: Welcome to the party! :D And ask all you want!**

**Kittenizzy Loves Edward Elric****: Wow, lots of proposals! XD**

**ZakuroU****: Bagpipes on the radio, huh? That's a new one… And which Gluttony are you scared of? His weird form from the 2003 series or the one with the eye in the center of the ribcage from Brotherhood? Because both are scary, but the one from the 2003 series always freaks me out :P**

**Chibineko Senju****: Thanks! And of course I watch Sgt. Frog, because it's absolutely hilarious :)**

**Thanks for reading, everyone! I'll (hopefully) be updating on Wednesday, with a little 200 review special on the end! **

**-Dfire**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey everyone! Happy 200 review anniversary! At the end of the chapter will be a fun little thing :) In the meantime, let us ask the FMA characters questions!**

**I don't own FMA, says Captain Obvious! First reviewer today is ****BionicWafflle****!**

**Havoc, can I hug you? Roy will never take me away from you!**

Havoc: *squeal* Ha! In your face, _sir_! *hugs*

Roy: *just rolls his eyes and walks off*

**Izumi, what if the knife you threw actually stabbed Ed?**

Izumi: Trust me, it wouldn't. He's too good at dodging, and I always intentionally miss.

Edward: Wha-? You mean this whole time I wasn't in danger from you throwing knives at me while Al and I was training with you?

Izumi: Pretty much. But at least it gave you two good reflexes.

**Al, what if everyone in the world was turned into a cat except you?**

Alphonse: That would be so scary… funny, at first, but I would be the only one left…

Edward: I think Mustang as a cat would be hilarious.

Roy: *glares* It'd be even MORE priceless if Fullmetal was a cat.

Edward: -_- That was so funny I forgot to laugh. Aha. Aha.

**Papa Hoho, imagine, with the number of people inside you, how many friends you can have on Facebook!**

Hohenheim: *thinking* Well, it might not be a wise idea to friend all of them. I do have convicted murderers inside me as well, and their pages would likely be very disturbing…

Edward: *facepalm*

Me: Imagine the FMA characters on Facebook… Hughes's page would be covered in pictures of Elicia.

Roy: And he would constantly tag me… -_-

Barry: And mine would have videos of me chopping people up! :D

Everyone: O_O"

**Father, what does skin taste like? You must have been hungry to eat yourself.**

Father: My form beneath the skin protection was still weak and required the nutrients in the shed skin. And it tasted like thin paper.

**Greed, what if you were place in Armstrong instead of Ling? Would you use the sparkles regularly?**

Greed: *shrugs* Well, first off, if I'd been put in him instead of Ling, our souls wouldn't be compatible, so the Philosopher's Stone would kill him. And even if he did survive, I wouldn't use those sparkles.

**Tucker, do you know how to swim? How about WITH SEA MONSTERS!? RELEASE THE KRAKEN!**

Me: *throws Tucker into the water*

Tucker: AGH! I can't swim! *gets eaten by kraken*

Kraken: *makes weird noises*

…**He says he resents being called a monster. The next reviewer is ****BabyBlueBeluga****!**

**Dear Ed,  
*holds picture* I don't like you anymore, pipsqueak! You don't like that now do you!**

Edward: …I don't really _care_. *transmutes automail sword* Don't call me pipsqueak!

**Dear Al,  
Look, a puppy!**

Alphonse: OH! *cuddles with puppy* They're almost as awesome as kittens! :D

**Dear Roy,  
What happened to your gloves? I was sure you had them a moment ago?**

Roy: Hey! Give those back! *growls*

**Dear Riza,  
Have you ever thought of resigning from the military and having a life?**

Riza: …Yes. I have. But I can't quit, not just yet. I need to be patient, because if I were to quit before the time came, I would have to live that life alone until I could see that person again.

Me: …*sniffle*

**I'm still mad at Ed! -_- I'm watching you Ed! Stay away!**

Edward: Again, I don't really care that you don't like me.

**Aw, is somebody grumpy? XD The next reviewer is ****ValleyOfDeath****!**

**Dear Ed, Al and Hohenheim,  
Thank you. Now that someone told me, I can't believe I didn't realize that.**

Edward: Eh, you're good. We just research this stuff a lot.

Alphonse: And we're from an anime…

Me: AL! STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!

Alphonse: …Isn't this entire story about breaking the fourth wall?

Me: …Carry on with what you were saying…

Hohenheim: And you can actually pick up on quite a lot when you're about four centuries old.

**Dear everyone,  
Have any of you seen Supernatural (excluding D-fire because I know from her profile)?**

Everyone: Yup. She makes us watch it.

Me: *hurt* I don't make you guys watch it!

Edward: You yelled at us when we tried to leave.

Me: Uh… I did?

Roy: Yup.

Me: …Oops?

Alphonse: You know, though, the Winchesters remind me of Brother and me.

Me: And Hohenheim is Bobby Singer! :D

Edward: The who's Jo Harvelle?

Me: Winry. Totally Winry. Because if you're Dean, she kisses y-

Edward: *whacks me over the head* No.

**Dear Kimblee,  
I like you. *pulls lever that releases man-eating tigers***

Kimblee: *explodes all the tigers* And I don't like you. (Or anyone else, for that matter.)

**Dear Riza,  
My friend says EdxRiza is awesome and I think he's crazy. What do you think?**

Riza: *pales* I… believe your friend is… crazy… as well…

Edward: *eye twitches* WTF? She's… how many years older than me?!

Roy: *gets weird look on face* …

**Dear Roy,  
Your thoughts on above?**

Roy: Can… can I just say "no comment" and wash my brain and ears?

Me: Uh… sorry. I feel bad, but you need to answer the question.

Roy: *sigh* It's disturbing. I don't… it's just…

Me: Okay, you gave an answer. You can go.

Roy: …Thanks.

**Dear Tucker,  
*wearing black robe that hides face and has wicked looking scythe* IT'S TIME!**

Tucker: Oh shi- *gets soul taken*

**Dear Alphonse,  
*gives him Komodo Dragon* Here is the other's wife. She needs to be fed lots (she eats squirrels and so does the other one) and she really likes to play with cats.**

Alphonse: Oh, thank you! Um… and hopefully, by liking to play with cats, you mean "no-predatory-playful"…

**I sincerely hope so as well… Next up is ****FalseFacts****!**

**Dear Havoc,  
I'm sorry people keep harassing you about the whole smoking thing. My great grandpa smoked from the time he was 12 till he died at 99; no cancer. You'll be fine I'm sure. Here *tosses pack of cigarettes***

Havoc: *catches* Thanks! *lights one*

Me: *gags*

**Hughes,  
Given how skilled and knowledgeable you are at being a father, have you ever considered teaching one of those parenting classes? You could help an awful lot of clueless people out.**

Hughes: Oh, wow! That's a great idea! Plus, I would have even more chances to show off my pictures of Elicia~!

**Also could you please do something nice for Nina Tucker? Like take her to the park and buy her ice cream. Her daddy isn't very nice to her and I think she needs at least one really nice day.**

Hughes: Of course! In fact, I'll get Elicia and Nina right now, and we'll all go out for ice cream and play at the beach! :D

**Hey Dfire! Have you ever heard of this place called "The World's Quietest Room"? It's this room that is so quiet that you can hear your blood moving in your body. They say that if you stay in there too long you could go insane. The longest anyone has ever stayed in there was 45 minutes.  
I think you should send our "dear" Mr. Tucker to that room for a nice long stint. See how long he lasts.**

Me: *evil grin* I hadn't heard of it… but I think it would be a very nice experience! *makes Tucker vanish and reappear in the room* I'll just set this little clock here…

Tucker: … *twitches*

*A long time later*

Me: *checks clock* Oh dang… I meant to set it for ten minutes, but set it for one hundred instead. Oops. *makes Tucker reappear*

Tucker: *twitching on the ground* So… louddddd…. Alalalala… *maniacal laughing*

Me: Uh…

Tucker: *has a heart attack and dies*

**Hm. I don't know whether that was the insanity or Kira's doing. Either way, kind of funny. Next is ****Kittenizzy Loves Edward Elric****!**

**Dear Ed, I also hate being called short! Can I help you murder all those who call you short?**

Edward: Sure! *starts marching* You and me versus the world… we attack at dawn.

Me: I want to come, too! But can we change the time? I'm not a morning person.

Edward: Fine; midnight, then.

**Dear Envy, *pulls Envy in a tight pretzel* MARRY MEEEEE DAMN YOUUUU! ATLEAST HUGGED ME! I LOOOOOOVE YOU ENVY! Also, if you saw Ed, Roy and Greed in dresses doing the salsa, what would you do?**

Envy: ERK! *tries to squirm away* *fails* Grr… I *choke* refuse! *turns into giant true form* Ahaha… AHAHAHAHA! DIE, HUMAN!

Me: *bashes him over the head until he turns back into a palm tree* No. Bad androgynous plant. BAD.

Envy: *attempts murder*

Me: *blocks easily* Answer the question, or I'll sic Patty Thompson on you.

Envy: Never! And who's that?

Patty: *shows up* Lalala~! Giraffes!

Envy: You have got to be kidding me.

Me: Oh, Patty! Envy destroyed all your giraffes!

Patty: *freezes* What… *scary voice starts coming out* I will kill you…

Envy: O_O

(CENSORED… because this is not an M-rated fic!)

Envy: *voice is all squeaky* I-if I saw them doing that, I would-d p-point and l-laugh… *faints*

Me: Wow. I actually introduced a Soul Eater character into an FMA story… I hope I don't get sent to fanfiction hell for this…

**Dear Greed, *dies when you hug her* I. Love. YOU! Would you like some hot cocoa? *pulls out two mugs even though its 90degrees***

Greed: Sure, one sec. Dfire!

Me: On it. *changes weather so that it's cold*

**Hehe… Have fun~! Next up is ****Starania****!**

**Greed-sama, will you go out on a date with me?**

Greed: Sure.

Me: Quite the womanizer tonight, aren't we?

Greed: He-llo! Take a good look at my name. I'm Greed the Avaricious!

**I'll admit that he has a point there. Next up is ****9foxgrl****!**

**Olivier,  
Have you ever thought about learning alchemy? Also, your brother let it slip that you may have been a ballerina as a kid; true? False?**

Olivier: Sometimes I have, but that Equivalent Exchange thing annoys the crap out of me. And… *death glares in Armstrong's direction* I have business to take care of.

Armstrong: *sparkling and shirtless* Hello, dear sister!

Olivier: Alex… Why. Did. You. TELL THEM?! *attacks*

Armstrong: *tries to escape* But sister, I thought… it was a great achievement to be the best in your class!

Olivier: I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYBODY THAT, EVER!

**Roy,  
I think I know the secret to getting rid of your weakness. Hint: water composition.  
(Someone smack him for not figuring it out sooner)**

Roy: What?

Edward: Gladly! *smacks Roy in the face*

Roy: OW! Dammit, Fullmetal-!

Edward: *runs away*

Roy: …*growls* Anyways, would that secret happen to include the way to keep my gloves dry out in the rain AND avoid lighting all the hydrogen in the rain around me on fire? Because when it's raining, I also can't actually control the sparks when they hit the hydrogen in the rain, thus I would end up burning everything and everyone around me, including myself.

**Al,  
Here's a pecan pie!**

Alphonse: Thank you! I remember that Mom would make this sometimes! *eats pie* I love having my body back~! :D

**Winry,  
How was it working in Rush Valley?**

Winry: It was so fun! I learned a lot, made tons of friends and customers that still send in automail orders, even though I'm back at home now, and there was automail EVERYWHERE! *squeals*

**Hehe. Here's a good analogy I came up with! Winry is to automail as I am to books. Great, isn't it? Next up is ****Ice Prince****!**

**Ed,  
Want a good laugh? Stick Mustang on a snowboard in Briggs and push him down a hill.**

Edward: Sure!

Roy: Wait, wha- *pushed down hill on a snowboard* AGGGHHHH!

Edward: XD

*A few minutes later*

Edward: Hey, Colonel Bastard, you okay?

Roy: *shaking* Happy place, happy place, happy place…

**Uncle Scar,  
While I don't agree with you killing State Alchemists, I do support your attack on Tucker. How is life in Ishval now?**

Scar: I see now that murdering them was not an act of Ishvala; it was sheer, cold-blooded vengeance. But yes, the Sewing Life Alchemist had strayed too far. Ishval is slowly becoming the peaceful place it once was-no, much better than before. In the past, Ishvalans hated Amestrians, and the feeling was rather mutual. The trials my people have suffered have only made us that much stronger.

**Al,  
How was Xing?**

Alphonse: It's such a beautiful country :) The people are nice, the food is great, the culture is rich and diverse, and I even got to learn alkahestry!

**I kind of want to go there myself… Next up is ****oceanic moon****!**

**To Edward, Mustang, Alphonse, Ling, Scar, and every other main male cast member: what would you do if you had a horde of fangirls after you? I mean the I-want-to-tie-you-up-and-lock-you-in-a-closet-and- rape-you-and-love-you-and-squeal-about-you-and-cha se-you-to-the-ends-of-the-Earth-because-I'm-that-o bsessive-over-you type of fangirl.**

Edward: Trust me, it's already happened…

Alphonse: It's happened to me, the colonel, and Greed before, but we don't get it nearly as bad as Brother.

Ling: I have assassins constantly after me; does that count?

Edward: NO. A horde of crazy fangirls is worse than a hundred assassins. You have to find somewhere they can't find you, hide there for a month, and then _slowly_ come out of hiding, or they'll come right back, worse than ever.

Roy: And the fact that they are completely insane, especially when Fullmetal or I are involved.

Scar: Fortunately, I have not had to deal with the severity of their fangirls, but I've had a small pack come after me. I would have killed them, but I realized that it wouldn't be the wisest of ideas.

Greed: Ahaha! I _like _it when those spicy little ladies come chasing me!

Edward: Yeah, yeah, "Greed the Avaricious", we know. But they are freaking INSANE!

Greed: Well, when they get a little too rough, I've gone full Ultimate Shield and buried myself before. It stumps them every time.

Edward: …You know, you really need to teach me how to do that.

***sigh* Alas, some of those crazy fangirls… XD Next up is ****DemonSpawnOfHell****!**

**Dear Ed,  
YOU SHORT MICROSCOPIC PIPSQUEAK!**

Edward: YOU OVERSIZED EVIL ASSHOLE. I am NOT short, everybody else is just freakishly tall!

**Dear Al,  
How do you feel about Ed's anger fits?**

Alphonse: Um… sometimes they make me feel like I'm the older brother… Sometimes they can get a little embarrassing… *sweatdrops*

Me: Okay, there, you're doing it again! How the heck can armor sweatdrop?!

Alphonse: I swear I don't know…

**Dear chimera,  
Who is the best out of all of you? BE HONEST!**

Bido: Heh. Not me. I'm just a cowardly lizard…

Greed: But you also gave me my memories back, remember? I owe you.

Jerso: Meh. I never really did as well.

Zampano: But you did trap the gold-toothed doctor.

Jerso: Yeah, but with my own spit. That's just gross. I think Darius and Heinkel got most of the spotlight in the series. Besides, they're infused with lion and gorilla DNA. Lions and gorillas are huge, powerful kings of the animal world.

Darius: Well, yeah… Heinkel and I have about the same abilities, but he also has better smelling and night vision.

Bido: I think it's Heinkel.

Martel: Same here. I bet he could take on any one of us in a fight.

Roa: He'd have issues with ME! *cracks knuckles* …But yeah, he'd probably win. He's a little brighter than me.

Heinkel: Thanks, all of you; I'm really flattered. Sure, I could be the best fighter here, but let's not forget that, out of all of us, the one with the purest heart and stuff is Nina.

All of the chimera: Hear, hear :)

Nina: *giggles*

**Dear Roy,  
*summons water demons* FIGHT!**

Roy: REALLY?! *gets drenched*

**Dear Riza,  
ROY BURNED ALL OF HIS PAPERWORK! *points at pile of ash on the desk and I have hidden matches on me.***

Riza: COLONEL!

Roy: I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT! I was too busy fending off water demons!

Riza: Sir…

Roy: Besides, they're burned wrong! That's more like a match than my doing!

Riza: …All right, I believe you.

Roy: Thank you, Lieutenant…

**Dear everyone,  
I heard Ed is going player. (D-fire explain to them what a player is if they don't know) *has Ed tied up with rope and duct tape taped on his mouth***

Winry: Edward Elric!

Alphonse: Brother!

Everybody else: O_O

Me: *sigh* *uses magic to neatly slice the ropes and duct tape in half* He's not going player.

Everyone: *sigh of relief*

Edward: Hey, Colonel Bastard. Do you feel like revenge right now?

Roy: One of the few moments that we agree, Fullmetal. *pulls on gloves*

**Uh… I recommend running. Run very, very far and quickly. Next up is ****messykat211****!**

**Dear Ed,  
(Teehee! You drank milk 8D) As far as I know, it's illegal to use alchemy to create gold. So have you ever thought about making a secret sanctuary, at the end of a rainbow where you store gold and lucky charms? If you do then I suggest you don a green outfit and grow a beard. :3**

Edward: -_- *transmutes big club* See this? This is my dumb stick. When people annoy me, I beat them with it.

**Dear General Armstrong,  
I love you too friend! You know you love me trolololololo :D**

Olivier: *growls* I may not be able to severely injure or kill you, but… *throws sword so that it just barely misses your head*

**Dear Alphonse,  
Have you ever thought about becoming a furry? I ask this as a fellow cat lover. :3**

Alphonse: Well, yeah… But I don't really want to, when I think about it. The cat ears might get a bit annoying, and if I had a tail, that would get annoying, too…

**Dear Scar,  
My ex-boyfriend is like a mini version of both you and Alphonse. O.O...What were you like as a teenager?**

Scar: I was actually your average teenager: rebellious, I had friends, a good family… I also became a priest of Ishvala when I was younger, which I'm doing again now.

**Dear FMA:B cast,  
If all of you were stuck in the wilderness and had to resort to cannibalism, what would you do? You'll either die or wind up eating some of your comrades. I suggest starting off with Major Armstrong. Sorry friend, but your amazing Armstrong muscle could last a few days.  
(...Messy likes asking random questions 83)**

Edward: Wow, I think this is the second time in this fic that we've been asked a cannibalism question.

Alphonse: Except it was just for you, Dad, and the colonel, and you were in a room, not the wilderness.

Edward: But still, I'd rather die.

Hohenheim: I would as well, but… well; I'm immortal… so I actually don't really need food.

Roy: And my answer's the same as before: I would rather die.

Edward: But since we'd be in the wilderness, we could actually search for plants, insects, fish, and wild animals to eat. If all else failed, we could eat boiled shoe leather.

Pride: Hmph. All of you are weak and pathetic. If I needed to survive, I would eat any one of you.

Me: Like you did to Gluttony, you little jerk…

Armstrong: *rips off shirt and sparkles and cries in passion* I WOULD GLADLY GIVE MY LIFE AND MUSCLES TO SAVE MY COMRADES IN THE WILDERNESS! T_T

Everyone: It was a metaphorical question. Put on a shirt.

**Lol :) Next is ****KylaSoulSongAlchemist****!**

**Dear Father,  
Did you think you were the only one besides other in Fullmetal Alchemist that dealt in souls? I think Noah and Samantha may get offended by that... and Noah's one Hell of a lot stronger than me.**

Father: Yes, and I did and said nothing before.

**Dear Uncle Envy,  
I want to kill Ice Prince. I. WANT. TO. BURN. HIM. TO. CINDERS. Wait... my element isn't fire. It's water. FFF! I keep forgetting these things. You may be a complete jerk most of the time, but that's one of the reasons I like you. Either way... *to keep from brutally murdering Ice Prince, I burst full transformation, destroy an entire forest, fly up into the air, and nose dive to make a crater with and indent bigger than Everest* Had to do that, or I would've ruined my precious scales with the blood of that imbecile for bothering my precious uncle... *snarls at Ice Prince***

Envy: Funny; I want to burn him as well. Because let me tell you, being thrown around in a paint can shaker isn't fun. At all.

Me: Oh, so that's where that crater came from. But anyways, Kyla, just think of it as sort of Equivalent Exchange for, mm… shooting the Ishvalan child, murdering Hughes, etc., etc… you take your pick.

Envy: You're dumb.

Me: And you're a sexy palm tree. Deal with it.

Envy: … *confused face*

Me: Exactly. Now I'm going to go 'splode a few pieces of random fruit laying around the house.

**Dear Uncle Greed,  
I'm not used to hugs either. We're quite alike, because your closest family wants to kill you, and my family (except Mom and the relatives that DID love me who died) casts me aside like I'm nothing worth their time, or treat me like a mindless demon. I don't think I'll be asking you anything or telling you to do anything that may cause harm to you... even though you're the Ultimate Shield.**

Greed: Yup. And thanks, niece. But seriously, though, the regenerative ability along with the Ultimate Shield make for one hell of a party trick.

**Roy-sama!  
This message is not pointless! You must pay very close attention! Wait until the very end to follow instructions!  
1) Hop on one foot for 5 seconds.  
2) Lick a tree.  
3) Call Hayate your best buddy.  
4) Hug Envy.  
5) Poke Lust in the shoulder repeatedly until she stabs you.  
6) Blow up Tucker like the mother #* $&% he is.  
7) This instruction step was pointless.  
8) Watch PONPONPON by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu. (look it up, I promise you will be confused unless you've seen it before)  
9) Instructions 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, and 8 are the only instructions that you are allowed to do and MUST do if you follow this last step, which is also a necessity.  
Enjoy. I have no idea what made me do that... wait... Damn it, Miktrab! Stop controlling mah brain! Why the Hell do one of my familiars have to represent the human part of me that's already gone?!**

Roy: Uh… okay? *hops on one foot for five seconds*

Edward: *snickering*

Roy: I don't want to lick the tree.

Me: Too bad. I think it'll be funny. *turns a little bit of the tree into chocolate so he doesn't get a sliver in his tongue or swallow a bug or something*

Roy: Oh sweet, chocolate. *licks* And Hayate is my best buddy.

Everyone: *trying not to laugh*

Roy: *snaps fingers, making Tucker catch on fire*

Tucker: AGHH! *burns to a crisp*

Roy: …You're right, seven is pointless. And Dfire…

Me: Already on it. *pulls up YouTube on laptop*

Roy: … *watching* What. The. #$%.

Me: …Awkward turtle… makes babies… *makes little turtles with claws*

Roy: *facedesk* Wait… why did I even do any of that? (Besides burning Tucker)

Me: Uh… THEREWASN'TANYMINDCONTROLINVOLVED! *flees*

**Dear Uncle Gluttony,  
Every time I come here, you shall have cake! *gives him another cake* Love you, Uncle! And I'll be keeping a close eye on Pride, who has yet to earn my respect because... Never mind. I made you another cake. In that few seconds I was talking. I'm absolutely Turbo-tastic.**

Gluttony: *wolfs down cake* :D Okay! Thank you for the cake!

Me: …Was that last sentence a reference to Wreck-It Ralph?

**Dear Aunt Lust,  
Is it weird that Gluttony is my favorite homunculus? And what would you do if you just had to do what Roy was instructed to, only without the 5th instruction, especially since you'd have to poke your own shoulder? Not like I would ever really do this to you. Someone else might, though... Miktrab, I'm looking at you.**

Lust: It's perfectly normal. He is really the only one of us so childlike, so I suppose it's only natural. And I would probably spear Dfire, since she's the one that would use mind control… *glares* Besides, I refuse to hug Envy.

**Dear Armstrong...  
*can't even speak a full sentence* But..? Neh..? Sparkle..? Wha..?**

Armstrong: Yes, my dear child! You are speechless from WONDER and ENLIGHTENMENT! *flexes muscles*

Me: Awkward turtle ma-

Roy: I'll burn you if you finish that sentence.

Me: *shudder* Awkward turtle is forever alone… so no babies…

**Dear Pride,  
Meh...**

Pride: …

**Dear Wrath,  
I honestly abso-freakin-lutely suck at sword-fights. I'm better with guns and bows/arrows. Could you teach me a few things..? I don't even have a center of balance...**

Bradley: Mm. Sure. And as for the center of balance thing, along with learning how to use the sword, even hold it correctly, takes dedicated practice.

**Dear Pride,  
Mmmmeeeehhhh...**

Pride: -_-

**Dear Havoc,  
*hugs* I'm really surprised that you can't keep a girlfriend. You're a nice guy.**

Havoc: Thanks! I don't know, either… T_T

**Dear Pride,  
Mmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh...**

Pride: *glares* What do you want?

**The only character I have a bloodlust for, Shou Tucker...  
I didn't kill you the last time I was here... I do not recall if I did so before hand... For every syllable I speak, I shall kill you... BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA! *kills him a total of 60 times even though he's not a homunculus, each death is more excruciating and painful than the last* That was fun. *licks her phone* I have no clue why I did that. I've been doing that a lot lately. I want to eat my laptop, too. *shrugs* I probably get it from Gluttony, even though he prefers humans.**

Tucker: *passes out on the floor from being killed so many times*

**Dear Pride,  
... *glares* MEH! Honestly, why the Hell would you eat your own BROTHER?! I know you're a homunculus and... and... derp! H-h-how would y-y-you like it if if some-someone t-t-t-tried to eat you a-a-a-and y-y-you... AH FRICKIN! I CAN'T T-T-TALK WHEN I'M ANGRY! SC-SC-SCREW THIS! I'M U-U-U-USING TELEPA-PATHY! *uses telepathy* (ABOMINATION! *sigh* When you ate him in that one episode, why, just, why? He didn't do anything! You're his older brother and you should have protected him... Why can't you be more like Ed?! You're the ONLY homunculus I dislike AT ALL. I adore your other siblings to no end. Yeah, your ability is cool and all that Turbo-tastic stuff, but... really, Pride? Really? I had to skip pages in the manga because I knew exactly what you were going to do and I STILL couldn't believe you did it. You don't deserve the name Pride. You should've been called Stigma, meaning disgrace. That's all I have to say to you.) *by the end of telepathy usage, everyone can see her shaking in absolute rage***

Pride: … *glares angrily*

Me: Funny, I can't talk when I'm angry, either.

Pride: Shut. Up.

Me: Make me, Stigma.

**Tucker,  
I need to kill you again. *rips him to shreds, layer by layer* I only killed you again because even though I hate Pride- No, Stigma is what I'll call him as of now. Even though I hate Stigma to no end, he can still redeem himself. NO, STIGMA, THIS DOES NOT MEAN I'M WARMING UP TO YOU, CHEEKY LITTLE BASTARD.**

Tucker: *screams and dies*

Pride: *growls*

**Wow, Pride- I mean Stigma- looks pretty ticked. Next up is ****Bluefire21guest****!**

**Dear Ed and Roy: Do you have any idea how much you're ruining PARENTAL RoyEd for me?**

Edward: So? I refuse to act like his son. *points at Mustang*

**And Roy, what would you do to Kimblee if I told you that he impaled Ed on a metal beam? Which is what caused him to have to use his soul like a Philosopher's Stone.**

Roy: What?

Me: *makes Kimblee appear* This should be interesting! *runs away*

Kimblee: Hey, Flamey.

Roy: … *murderous vengeance face* You. You caused the mine shaft to collapse? You left my subordinate and two men to die?

Kimblee: *shrugs* Yup. *inspects tattoos*

Roy: *snarls and snaps fingers*

Me: And now we have a war between Crimson and Flame…

**Oh and Ed, when I was asking you questions earlier, I meant why Mei (May) was mad at you, not me (whoops).**

Edward: Ohhh. Well, why was she mad at me? I'm pretty sure I hadn't met her before, so…

**Dear Tucker: That was sort of the right answer, but you still deserve this *runs him through with sword***

Tucker: GACK! *blood spurts*

**Dear all other cast members: What would you do to Tucker if he had used Ed? And Homunculi I want your opinion too!**

Alphonse: I apologize, but… I would likely lose control and kill Tucker. Brother… if I lost him… *shaking*

Roy: If Alphonse didn't kill him first, he would be a pile of charcoal…

Riza: I would shoot him without thinking.

Havoc, Breda, and Falman: DAMMIT, NOBODY TOUCHES CHIEF! *all load guns*

Fuery: Ulp… I… *whimpers*

Winry: Oh God… not Ed… *voice cracks and trails off into a whisper*

Armstrong: …*stares at the ground*

Olivier: …*teeth clench*

Izumi: I WOULD #$%ING KILL TUCKER.

Hohenheim: He would be killed, slowly and painfully. My boys mean the world to me now.

Tucker: Hey! I _didn't _use him!

Edward: Guys… T-thanks…

Envy: Hmph.

Father: Hm… we would need to find another sacrifice, and quickly.

Lust: Ugh, what a pain. Maybe we could use the Sewing-Life Alchemist for a potential candidate…

Sloth: Zzz…

Gluttony: *frowns* Lust and Father wouldn't be happy, not one little bit!

Greed: *snarls* No one touches one of my henchmen and gets away with it. *uses full Ultimate Shield*

Pride: Oh well.

Bradley: …

**That was sad, and most of the Homunculi… *growls* :( Next up is ****StarTheOshawott****!**

**Ed: Hey, Tucker just called you a midget and wants to pluck your hair antenna! *Points at Tucker***

Edward: *transmutes ornate spear* First Nina and now this?!

Tucker: What? No, no, I didn't-! *gets stabbed in the arm* AGH!

Edward: You're lucky that I refuse to kill, you bastard…

**Al: Hey, you can cuddle my cats. I have two! I also have some Warriors books you can read! (Book series about cats)**

Alphonse: *squeal* Thank you! *cuddles with kitties while reading the first book*

Me: Aw yeah, I love that series! :D

**Winry: Hey, you should watch this! It has mechas! *Shows Winry Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann***

Winry: This is awesome! That's it, I'm making a mecha! *starts drawing out blueprints*

**Again, this show is going to become Full Metal Panic! before you know it… Next up is ****Immortal Horse****!**

**Envy: *flips him the middle finger***

Envy: -_- *growls*

**Tucker: *points katana at his throat* any last words? *kills him***

Tucker: Wait, what- NO! *dies*

**What an odd choice of last words. Next is ****Flygrrl****!**

**A TARDIS breaks through the wall and lands on Tucker. I jump out with a shrink ray and shoot Ed with it. I put him in a jar and take all the cats/kittens from everyone before jumping back inside the TARDIS and dematerializing.**

Tucker: *stain on ground*

Edward: *banging on jar and screaming words that would scare a sailor half to death*

Alphonse: My… kitties… and Brother… YOU. ARE. DEAD. GIVE MY BROTHER BACK!

Roy: *pulls on gloves* Give me my subordinate. NOW.

Riza: *loads all of her guns* Dfire, we need your help.

**Sure thing! Now how to track down a TARDIS… *sigh* Next is ****Guest****!**

**Dear Ling,  
What types of things has Greed done with your body? Tell me everything.**

Ling: *sigh* He's gotten himself drunk, beat up in fights numerous times, and he constantly tries to get laid after getting drunk. Fortunately, since he's drunk, I can easily take over before he loses my body's virginity.

Greed: I'm tellin' ya, kid, you're missing out!

**Um… Greed? Don't go losing Ling's virginity. I say that pleasure is reserved for Lan F- *dies from kunai storm* Lan Fan: *grumbles* Next up today is ****lotrprincess****.**

**Dear Breda,  
What caused your fear of dogs?**

Breda: W-well… I kind of got bitten by one as a kid… I still have the scar, but it's hidden under my hair…

**Dear Edward,  
What would you do if Al became a State Alchemist sometime after getting his body back?**

Alphonse: He'd probably slap me and tell me to stop being an idiot… But we still need to find where Brother was taken! *keeps searching*

**Dear Grumman,  
If you name Mustang as your successor as Fuhrer, he can finally get around to marrying your granddaughter... *Hint, hint, wink, wink* What do you say?**

Grumman: *laughs* Maybe, maybe not! *lowers voice so that no one else can hear* I will, and soon, too. He'd just better take great care of her!

**Dear Scar's Brother,  
You haven't had any questions yet, have you? How were you introduced to alchemy, and what made you decide to start studying it?**

Scar's Brother: Heh… no, I haven't! I was introduced to it when I found an alkahestry book lying around. Some visiting Amestrian had dropped it, and after a long time of trying to find the owner, I kind of kept it. After that, I liked it more and more, and got to talk with skilled alchemists, read books about alchemy from the library, stuff like that. I just kind of wanted to be knowledgeable on what I thought was such an interesting study, actually! *sheepish smile*

**Dear Falman and Sheska,  
Which one of you has a better memory? And am I the only person who thinks you'd make a good couple?**

Falman: Definitely Sheska. I can't remember close to as many things that she can.

Sheska: Aw, thank you! :) And…

Falman: I started a family, over at Briggs… *embarrassed*

**At least, I think he did, judging from the one picture in the ending credits of Brotherhood… Next up is ****That one guy****! XD**

**I have a question for all the automail engineers.  
What would you do if someone asked you to replace their (ahem) "special places" with automail?**

Winry and Pinako: O_O

Garfiel: *awkward face*

Dominic: Well… you really can't make _that _kind of replacement…

Me: Huh. This is just like the "FMA Re-Animated" series on YouTube… one of the fangirls had automail… *laughs* It was censored, though…! X,D

**And one for Alex Armstrong:  
How many shirts do you go through a week? Does that mean you have a giant closet full of that exact shirt?**

Armstrong: Well, I have several uniforms, yes… But I easily FIX them with the sewing technique passed down the Armstrong line for GENERATIONS! *rips off shirt and sparkles*

**I wonder if there are any traits NOT passed down in his family for generations… Next is ****Kitten1313****!**

**Dear Al and Dfire,  
Did you guys know the Greek Army is just an army of cats? (Holds out photo)**

Alphonse: Really?!

Me: Well, now it makes even more sense that I named my cat Sparta :)

**Dear Tucker,  
I have a new friend for you to meet, Slenderman. (Stands on crate out of reach with flash light and video camera)**

Tucker: Wait, what? *looks at Slendy* *static noises start*

Slenderman: *teleports closer and closer*

Tucker: *screams before turning into a giant, bloody puddle*

**Dear Roy,  
If you had female body guards would you make them wear miniskirts? Hmm... (evil grin) Havoc where did you go?**

Roy: Maybe… *still worried about Edward*

Havoc: I AM NOT A GIRL.

**Dear Ed,  
Cupcake? (Holds out chocolate cupcake) I'm sorry. (kind of)**

Me: Here, I'll keep it for him. *puts it in a container and opens a little pocket in the fabric of space* There we go; nice and convenient. We'll try to find Ed…! *sweatdrops*

**How do I track down a TARDIS?! Seriously?! The last reviewer for today is ****Po. Lars****!**

**Dear Armstrong,  
Do you have any other siblings?**

Armstrong: I regret to inform you that no, I do not have another sibling… *tears of passion or whatever*

**Dear LanFan,  
Why do you wear a mask?**

Lan Fan: I get annoyed with people underestimating me in battle just because I am a girl. Besides, wearing a mask has become tradition for the females in my clan.

**Dear Fu,  
Why didn't you wear your mask?**

Fu: Well… it was never entirely too important for me to do so. Besides, I work better when the breeze is touching my face. It lets me connect better with my surroundings.

**And Ed,  
I will lock you in a closet with Natsu, Naruto, Goku, Light, L, Sasuke, Edward Cullen, The Host Club, SGT Keroro, and Oprah, and you will fight to da death!**

Me: Okay, first… that is a VERY big closet. Second… still working on finding Ed… *sweatdrops* It looks like we're all going on a time-space adventure!

**BabyBlueBeluga****: Sis, I'm gonna need your help to find Ed, even though you're upset with him at the moment.**

**ValleyOfDeath****: Oh my gosh, people read my profile? XD Anyways… I'd have to say FMA. I really love Supernatural, but… I really wasn't that big a fan of the eighth season, and I'm a little more obsessive about FMA, lol.**

**FalseFacts****: Welcome back! :D And thanks for reviewing! Also… thanks for the "World's Quietest Room" suggestion!**

**Kittenizzy Loves Edward Elric****: I love them, too! And I like hugs! :3**

**Ice Prince****: Let me guess, Roy got shoved onto a snowboard in your universe? XD**

**Oceanic moon****: Hehe. Don't worry, it happens to everyone… including myself…**

**Harryswoman****: Lol, I love milk, even after Ed's descriptions… maybe I'm just crazy.**

**DemonSpawnOfHell****: Well, someone certainly likes to cause chaos, don't they? *laughs***

**Messykat211****: Funny; that's the same day I get out, too! We finished finals today, so I can finally relax. Next time I update, it'll be summer break! :D**

**KylaSoulSongAlchemist****: It's fine :) And my gecko licks my phone, but that's not really the same. *sweatdrops***

**Bluefire21guest****: I'm a huge Parental RoyEd fan, so I know exactly how you feel :) And Black Butler is, indeed, an amazing series. You have a great rest of the week as well! **

**Flygrrl****: ED! EDWARD! T_T**

**Po. Lars****: Lol, I'm flattered! But I don't have the same writing ability as Arakawa-sama… not even close! ;) And thanks for the musicals!**

**Lotrprincess****: I KNOW! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! T_T *also drowning in pictures of Elicia* **

**That one guy****: *Brofists back* :D **

**Kitten1313****: I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but you capitalized the second H in "hehe", so it became two helium symbols :) (Yeah, that was probably super dumb… XD)**

-*FMA*-

"HAPPY 200TH ANNIVERSARY!"

All the FMA characters are sitting at different tables eating cake and ice cream. The adults have alcohol, and everyone under the age of twenty-one has water, juice, milk, or soda. To the right, a large, blue dragon sips on some apple juice.

"Hey, everyone," the dragon snickers, "It's musical tiiime~!"

At this, the FMA characters groan.

"No way in Hell, Dfire…" Ed growls.

"Pity," the dragon mutters, "I guess I have to use mind control." She roars, sending out energy waves. "All righty, from the top!"

Ed: I want to be an alchemist!  
1000 miles I will tread!  
If only Ma could see me now!

Envy: But wait, she's dead.

Father: *In tight sparkling spandex* Gonna take the wooorld!  
On the Promised Daaaay!  
I swear that all the souls on earth!  
Will be for my display!

Hohenheim: Dwarf  
In  
Flask  
must  
be  
stopped! We have waited long!  
stopped! He is such a schlong!  
stopped! Beat him in Pingpong!  
stopped! It cannot go wroooooooooooooong!

Ling: From a foreign land, exotic and mystic!

Ed: Look at this bill! You gluttonous dick-dick!

Winry: Don't you dare call me a wench!  
Or I will throw this wrench!  
Right in Ed's face!  
Can you think of a betteeer plaaace!

Al: My soul...  
It is imprisoned in this rock.  
As my life just go's tick tok

Ed: Don't worry brother of mine!  
We shall get the stone on time!

Marcoh: It's made of human schmucks.

Ed: Oh, well that sucks.

Armstrong: Dana nana nana nana ARMSTRONG!  
MY MAGNIFICENT MUSCLES!  
PASSED DOWN FROM GENERATION!  
THESE BEAUTIUS BICEPS!  
ARE A WORLDWIDE SENSATION.

Envy: Envy!  
Don't call me a palm tree!  
Kill your loved ones, Envy!

Greed: His real name was Betty!

Dfire is rolling on the grass laughing so hard that the mind control slips. Everyone instantly begins to run away. Suddenly, the authoress regains control. "Oh, no," she grins evilly, "I'm not done with you yet!"

Izumi: There was a boy!  
With tight pants!  
He looks like a girl!  
And he was raised by ants!

Me: RESURRECTION POWERS! FREDDIE MERCURYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Freddie Mercury: (stomp stomp clap, stomp stomp clap)  
Edward Elric your a short short man.  
Aint no aritificial humans bring ya down today.  
Ya got blood on ya face!  
But thats okay!  
Cause it really inproves the look of the frame!  
With your au to mail limbs!  
With your au to mail limbs!

Muse: I...have a weird feeling in my head.  
Or is it just Eeeeeeeeennnnvy.  
Who's killing my loved one en en v en en vy.

Jimi Hendrix: Well you know she can  
slice your head off!  
I see...her claws extending  
Oooooooh, Lusty Baby!

Daft Punk: White robes  
Weirder  
Stranger  
Father  
Redder  
Blacker  
More eyes  
Father.

Finally, the dragon lets go of the mind control, but not before erasing the cast's memories. (Heck, I made them suffer enough XD)

Edward frowns before sipping at the Dr. Pepper he had been drinking. "Why the hell do I feel like I just did something embarrassing…?"

Father, along with everyone else, splutters. Father looks down in fear. "Why… am I wearing Spandex…?!"

The dragon whistles innocently before making a random chart appear out of nowhere.

"Okay, guys, here are the number of questions each character has been asked from the very beginning to the most recent review, ordered by number of questions/popularity!"

Edward: 117

Roy: 74

Alphonse: 46

Riza: 40

Shou Tucker: 33

Major Armstrong: 26

Envy: 25

Winry: 22

Ling: 21

Greed: 19

Hughes, Olivier, and Havoc: 18

Pride: 16

Lust: 13

Father and Bradley/Wrath: 11

Black Hayate: 10

Izumi, Hohenheim, Truth, and Gluttony: 9

Breda, Nina, and Scar: 7

Fuery and Dorochet/Dolchetto: 6

Martel, Falman, and Mei: 5

Milk (glass and carton of), Alexander, Zampano, Kimblee, and Heinkel: 4

Darius, Shiro (Hayate's mate), Sloth, Roa/Loa, Sheska, Buccaneer, and Miles: 3

Jerso/Jelso, Garfiel, Dominic, Trisha, Den, Bido, Yoki, Pinako, and Lan Fan: 2

A cow, Paninya, Ridel, Satella, Basque Gran/Grand, Comanche, Ulchi, Creed (ValleyOfDeath's OC), Barry the Chopper, Elicia, Gracia, Selim (Yes, there is a difference between Selim and Pride), Grumman, Rose, Fu, and Scar's brother: 1

**Thanks for reading, guys! Don't forget to click that little review button on your way out, and possibly ask questions to the characters that have less reviews :) See you on Saturday, the first day of summer vacation for me (more time to work on stories!)! :D**

**-Dfire **


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello, everyone! And… Reasons for Not Updating: Severe chronic allergy attacks for a week and a half, computer was spewing out a foreign language (possibly Arabic), and a five day camping trip. **

**Wow, that was simpler than I thought…**

**Anyways, I sincerely apologize for not being able to update earlier. Sorry!**

**I do not own FMA, otherwise I'd have angry mechanics, alchemists, and soldiers after me every day. First up is ****Flygrrl****! (Note: Not the first reviewer for last chapter, but I need Ed back.)**

**The TARDIS materializes and the doors fly open. Ed shoots out, followed by all the animals. Ed's antenna was cut off. I shoot Envy with a ray that turns him into his small form. I grab him and throw him into the jar I had put Ed into before laughing evilly and shutting the doors. The TARDIS flies out through the hole I had made earlier, running Tucker over.**

Me: *quickly throws one of my own scales into the jar before Envy is taken away* And now we can communicate with him, even across time and space.

Alphonse: BROTHER! *throws himself on the ground next to Ed* B-Brother, are you okay?

Roy: *joins Al* Fullmetal? C'mon, snap out of it!

Riza: Ed? *concerned look*

Edward: I'm… I'm fine. *shiver*

Roy: … *still worried*

Alphonse: I'm glad… Brother…

Tucker: *twitching*

***sigh* Thanks for giving Ed back… Next is ****BionicWafflle****!**

**Armstrong, just how many things have been passed down in the Armstrong line for generations?**

Armstrong: About nine thousand-fifty-three, to be exact! *sparkles*

**General Armstrong, what if one day you woke up to find that you couldn't stop sparkling and HAD to go to work?**

Olivier: Damn… I never wanted to have to use this again, but… *pulls out a spray can*

Me: Uh… what's that?

Olivier: Sparkle Killer. *walks up to Alex*

Armstrong: What is it, my dear sister? *sparkles*

Olivier: *shakes the can and sprays the sparkles, turning them into ash*

Armstrong: *eye twitch* Wha-? What… *sniffle* *hides in a corner, whimpering*

**Father, why do the Homunculi wear such.. different.. outfits? Did you just decide one day to make Envy wear a half shirt and a skirt?**

Father: What are you talking about? That's what everyone wears these days. In fact, that style was all the rage, as you humans say, in Xerxes.

Everybody: *facepalm*

Father: …What? Anyways, I didn't really have much choice over that. The Homunculi are all the embodiments of my emotions, not my absolute creations. The emotions were already there, and when they came out, they just formed the physical traits of whatever emotion they were.

**Papa Hoho, how could you live for so long and never be bored?**

Hohenheim: *pained laugh* Did it say somewhere in the series that I never got bored? It gets very, _very _boring half the time. Although the fun thing about being immortal is that you get to read every single book in the library… for multiple libraries. Also, fully learning and comprehending all the unique quirks of science, not just alchemy, takes a very long time, considering that more is discovered almost every day…

Me: *glomps* *squeal* VAN HOHO!

Hohenheim: -_-"

**Mei, when did you get Xiao Mei and where can I get one?**

Mei: *thinking* I found her on the outskirts of my village about… Hmm… Five years ago? And… *laughs* It would be SUPER hard to find a panda like Xiao Mei!

Xiao Mei: *cuddles* :3

Mei: Ehehe. Well, she got a disease when she was little that made her stop growing, and her family eventually abandoned her. I found her on the verge of death… *sniff* I don't know how her family could have possibly abandoned her! She's such a sweetie! *pouts*

**Lust, hi! I haven't written anything to you yet. Want a taco?**

Lust: Eh… Sure…? *takes taco*

**All of the cast, let's play a game! *everyone appears in a octagon shaped arena with a platform in the middle* First one to kill Tucker wins a puppy! *Tucker appears on platform* Have fun!**

Pride, Bradley, and Lust: Puppies are stupid. We're out. *leave*

Envy: (Do I just speak into the scale like this…? Yeah. I don't like dogs, and I'm too far away to kill him anyways, so…)

Sloth: Dogs… too… much… effort… zzz…

Greed: Uh, no. Sorry. Animals don't really like me… *leaves*

Gluttony: …Are puppies tasty? *drools*

Everyone else: *about to kill Tucker*

*silver blur roundhouses Tucker into the ground, immediately killing him*

Alphonse: Okay, now where's my puppy?

Everyone besides the Homunculi and Ed: *startled and somewhat frightened looks*

Edward: *shrugs* It's like I've been telling all of you for a few years… Al is NOT as innocent as he seems.

**And all the rest of us should learn to heed that warning… Because, one day, Alphonse Elric will attack the whole world with his united feline army… Next is ****Immortal Horse****!**

**Ed: what do you prefer as a means for revenge? Mind games or a fist in the face? 'Cause I prefer to use mind games.**

Edward: You know, that's a great question. It kind of depends on the person-or Homunculus- I'm going to get revenge on. Mind games are a lot of fun, and I use those most of the time, but if someone's too dumb to even notice those kinds of tricks, then I punch them in the face. Or, if they're a guy and happen to have majorly ticked me off, then I kick 'em in the jewels.

Alphonse: _Brother_! The author is trying to keep this Q-&-A fic as clean as possible! In fact, you're pretty much the only reason that it's rated T… because of your bad mouth and various, inappropriate references and hints!

Me: Alas, we've all been there… Writing an FMA fic that could actually be considered K+… And then we put Ed in the story, and the rating suddenly jumps to T, at the very least.

Edward: H-hey! Don't just pin this on me! I mean, look at him! *points at Greed* Seriously, his whole life is devoted to making sex references.

Greed: *shrugs*

Edward: And then look at how many times that Shou Tucker has died in this story! That is NOT my fault! …Although it is pretty funny. Anyways, it isn't just me! Those two things are just a small example!

Me: *sigh* Fine, fine, point taken.

**Izumi: how did you and Sig really meet? Was it over a bear like you told Ed and Al?**

Izumi: Of course it is! No other way would have been quite as… romantic~ *swoons*

Sig: *hugs Izumi* Oh, dearest… From the second I saw you lugging around that heavy bear that you had killed, I knew it was love making my heart beat faster.

Izumi: *giggles* Oh, Sig, you wild charmer, you!

Edward and Alphonse: *slowly backing away*

**Armstrong: name one thing that wasn't passed down the Armstrong line for generations! I dare you.**

Armstrong: Hmm… A difficult challenge! *rips off his shirt*

Olivier: *growls and whacks him over the head*

Roy: Ooh, I've got one: subtlety.

Riza: Sanity as well, sir.

Armstrong: *struggling to get away from his crazy sister* What has NOT been passed down the Armstrong line for generations is WEAKNESS! Oof!

Olivier: Well then, you must've gotten a bad gene. *punches him in the stomach*

**Papa Hoho: if you had known what was going to happen, would you have left?**

Hohenheim: I… I honestly don't know. I was trying to find a way to not die before Trisha, but… If I had known that the boys would commit the Taboo, I likely wouldn't have left. It may not seem like it, but I care about my boys a lot. I never wanted them to get hurt trying to bring their mother back.

**I always thought that if he had known what would have happened, that he wouldn't have left. It was easy to tell that he truly cared for Ed and Al, and that it pained him when he found out about the transmutation. Anyways, next up is ****Kitten1313****!**

**Dear Al, I talked to Greece and he agreed to let you see his army.**

Alphonse: *gasp* Really?! *runs off*

*Comes back a while later*

Alphonse: *muttering* Excellent… excellent…

Me: Uh… so how was it?

Alphonse: It was perfect! Those cats will help us rule the- um, I mean… They were so cute! :3

**Dear Nina, Oh you're so cute, do you want to come play with some of my little OCs?**

Nina: Okay~! Thank you! We can all have a tea party! :D

**Dear Tucker, Hmm...let's see (goes down long list) Oh here's a good one. (Ties tucker to chair and opens a small crate containing killer bunny before fleeing)**

Tucker: Bunnies? Really?! *gets ripped to shreds*

**Dear Havoc, Relax I wasn't going to put you in a mini skirt, so here's a new lighter. (tosses lighter) Also how many girls' phone numbers did you get when you were in the hospital?**

Havoc: *catches* Aw, thanks! And… ehehe… I got ten, all from some hot nurses.

***sweatdrops* No comment. Next is ****KylaSoulSongAlchemist****!**

**Stigma,  
I pissed you off, huh? Did I piss you off? Did I piss the little disgrace off? Huh? Did I little boy? Come at me, you pathetic little brat... *goes complete-rage form* (basically a mix of Shadows, my wyvern form, a hellhound, the Ultimate Shield ability, the Ultimate Eye ability, and predatory instict... other Ultimate abilities are used. I take after my Homunculi kin. THAT. IS. AWESOME!) *kicks Pride's ass***

Pride: *scowling* You wish for me to "redeem" myself, hm? Fine… *one of his shadows slithers away* *happens to be walking near a cliff with Lust*

Lust: Ah! *falls off cliff*

Pride: *uses his shadows to save Lust* There. I saved my little sister.

Lust: But you're the one that-!

Pride: *smiles a bit too widely* That would have been a rather unfortunate accident if I hadn't been with you, _right, _Lust?

Lust: …Yes.

**Dear Uncle Envy,  
What would you do if I- AH MY GOD I DISLOCATED MY ARM! Fffffff... *fixes her arm* Anyways... What would you do if I figured out your greatest fear and never told anyone? I don't know what made me think of this...**

Envy: *poker face* As long as you never told… then it would be fine. And I don't know what made you think of it, either.

**Dear Uncle Greed,  
Hell yeah it would! Even though I don't really know what a party is like... oh well. It's also useful when kicking Stigma's arse into the dust.**

Greed: You DON'T know what a party is like?! Damn. We'll have to fix that… *starts pulling you along*

Me: Greed, it had better be an appropriate party. As in, no drugs, no sex, et cetera.

Greed: *glares* But those are the best kiiiiiiind!

Me: …No.

Greed: Aw, c'mon! Please!

Me: NO.

Greed: *pouting* Fine…

**Roy-sama,  
Haha, you had to deal with my randomness. But killing Tucker makes up for it completely, right? Oh, and what would you could use water attacks AS WELL AS fire attacks?**

Roy: Eh, sure. And… hehe… Hehehe… Ahaha…. AHAHAHA! THE DAMNED RAIN WOULD BEG FOR FORGIVENESS!

Riza: … -_- *slaps him across the face*

Roy: Ow! Wait… Oh, crap. I went psychotic, didn't I?

Riza: *sigh* Yes, sir. Yes you did.

**Dear Uncle Gluttony,  
Here's another cake! It's red velvet! That was a random fact! I also enjoy cheesecake! By the way... I've had a bit of a feeling that you're a lot smarter than you act. Would you follow my familiar, Aekij? Don't eat him, please. He's literally a part of me, in the sense that he represents a certain side of me.  
Aekij: Follow me! By the way, are you really Mommy's uncle? I like you. *leads Gluttony to another room*  
Me: *this is said after Gluttony leaves the room with Aekij* In case you all are wondering, I just wanted to give him and IQ test. :3 And yes, Dfire, that last line was from Wreck-It-Ralph, because even though Turbo is a little messed up in the head, he's still pretty cool.**

Gluttony: Ooh, I like cake! *eats cake while following Aekij*

Me: True, true… And it's an awesome movie :3

**Dear everyone,  
What would you say if Gluttony turned out to have an above genius IQ?  
Aekij: *walks in with Gluttony* Mommy...  
Me: Yes?  
Aekij: He already finished the test. He said "This is easy!"  
Me: Aaaaaaand?  
Aekij: *smiles* It turns out his IQ is over 300.  
Me: I KNEW I got my genius somewhere.**

Everyone: *eyes widen* Holy…

Me: Huh… Who knew? *shrugs*

**Dear Aunt Lust,  
Surprised? It's normally the ones you never expect. By the way, that means he's smarter than teh smartest human. Can I break this? *points at a lamp* And I'm pretty sure Envy's happy about that...**

Lust: Well… it was certainly unexpected…And… sure?

**Dear Major Armstrong,  
Is it possible to herp so much that I derp?**

Armstrong: OF COURSE! ANYTHING is possible! *rips off shirt and sparkles* Take those words to HEART, young one! :D

Olivier: …*knocks him out*

**Tucker,  
Listen to the Lavender Town original theme until you commit suicide from the hidden sound frequencies.**

Tucker: And why would I do that?

Me: Because I think this'll be funny. *shoves him into a locked from the outside room with the Lavender Town original theme playing*

*ten minutes later*

Tucker: AGH! AGH! *kills self*

Me: Holy crap, it actually works!

**Dear Uncle Ed,  
I'm surprised I haven't talked to you yet. Can I have a hug? I wanted a hug from you anyways, but Envy refuses to hug me... I understand why, but I'm still sore about it. I never did take rejection well. Often times it ended up in attempted suicide. I've gotten better at not doing that, though! *smiles sweetly***

Edward: Uh… sure. *hugs* And suicide is bad…

**Dear Uncle Al,  
I have a cat form.**

Alphonse: AWESOME! :D

**Stigma,  
*bitch-slaps***

Pride: *glares* Why you little…

**Dear everyone,  
Can you guess which part of my personality Aekij fits? I've had him since I was really, really little.**

Edward: Uhhh… Innocence?

Alphonse: Little-kid-ness?

Everybody else: *trying to think of something else*

**Dear Sheska,  
I love reading too. In fact, I'm a library aide at school. Whenever the library is closed, I have to temporarily be an office aide, and every time I FREAK. OUT.**

Sheska: Isn't reading wonderful? *smiles* But… when I worked at the library, all I did was read when I was supposed to be working… *sigh*

**Dear Father,  
Can I have a hug?**

Father: *blank stare* What's a hug?

**Dear Truth,  
I made you a cake. Wait... would you be able to eat it? Or would you be eating yourself? Damn it, I'm stupid...**

Truth: *shrugs* Hence why I don't eat. Also because of the fact that I never get hungry.

**Dear Cow,  
I like you because milk is included in some of my favorite foods.**

Cow: Sure thing.

**Dear Barry,  
How much do you like Riza? Go on, tell us. :3**

Barry: *hearts start floating around him* If I chopped her up, it would be like chopping up a hundred other people~

Riza: … -_-"

**Dear Selim,  
I like you but I don't like Stigma but you're so cute and Stigma's mean and, and, D'AAAAWWWW I'M SO CONFUSED!**

Selim: *blinks* Hey, lady, would you like a cookie? Mommy made them! *holds out a chocolate chip cookie* :3

**Dear Rose,  
This message was pointless.**

Rose: Um… okay? But… thanks for talking to me! :)

**Ladidadida~ Next up is ****Madame Kasumi****!**

**Dear Izumi,  
Can you teach me a little Alchemy? Please!**

Izumi: Sorry… I don't teach alchemy anymore.

**Edward,  
Are you going to try out for the new Doctor Who?**

Edward: …Maybe. I don't know yet.

**Alphonse,  
Have you ever used the term Alonse?**

Alphonse: Huh. No, I haven't. I'm not really sure what it means… *sweatdrop*

**Truth,  
Have you met the Doctor? And are you Slenderman in disguise?**

Truth: Well, not personally, but I definitely know who he is. And no, I am not Slenderman in disguise. However, I dressed as Slenderman once. That person that came here nearly had a heart attack.

**Hughes,  
If you had a son, what would his name be, and would you dote on him as much as Elicia?**

Hughes: Huh… I think his name would be Ben, and of course I would! He would be MY son, after all. But I don't have a son; I have Elicia! *cuddles with Elicia*

Elicia: *giggles* Daddy, your beard is still itchy!

**Ling,  
Sing the song!**

Ling: Eh… which one…? *starts randomly humming*

**Tucker,  
Be happy I don't believe in killing. However, Nina, cover your eyes; my three headed dog Fluffy doesn't care.**

Nina: Okay~ *covers eyes* Are we playing hide-and-seek?

Tucker: *gets ripped to shreds by Fluffy*

Me: *quickly hides his body* Okay, you can open them!

Nina: *opens eyes* *gasp* Wow! You made Daddy disappear!

Me: *brings Tucker back to life in front of her* Ta-da!

Nina: That was a cool magic trick! :D

Tucker: …

**Homunculi,  
Are you all wizards?**

Envy: (Obviously not…)

Lust: Wizards aren't immortal, and we don't use magic or alchemy.

Greed: Besides, we don't wave around wands…

Gluttony: Are wizards tasty? *drool*

Bradley: …

Pride: …

Sloth: Magic… too… much… effort…

**Lastly,  
FMAB cast,  
Which power ranger would you be? Would Ed be the pink one or would Roy?**

Me: Okay, we're using the ORIGINAL Power Rangers cast! :D I think Sig would be the Red Ranger… since they both seem the "jock" type on the outside, but they're actually really caring…

Sig: Thank you.

Me: Roy would probably be the Black Ranger, because they both like to flirt. That and they're both intelligent.

Roy: …Okay…

Me: Izumi would probably be the Yellow Ranger, since they both are good at martial arts, they both have honor, and they're both very nice. (When Izumi isn't crazy, she is a wonderful person.)

Izumi: *Didn't hear the crazy comment* Why thank you! :)

Me: Fuery would probably be the Blue Ranger, since they're both into technology and smart.

Fuery: Thanks!

Me: And finally… the Pink Ranger is… Winry! They're both kind and sweet, talented, kind of scary at times, and both can do some damage. (Winry with the wrench, and Kimberly with her martial arts and gymnastics stuff…)

Winry: Ehehe. Thanks~!

Me: But I kind of think that, between Ed and Roy, Roy would probably be more like the Pink Ranger, considering that he cares more about his appearance than Ed does :3

Edward: YES! In your face, Bastard!

Roy: *scowls*

**Ehehe. I'm just evil, aren't I? Next is ****kelly****!**

**Dear Roy,  
What would you do and how would you feel if Bradley/Wrath threatened Ed like he did to your subordinates, and even though he can't kill him because he's a human sacrifice, there's no reason he can't harm him, but you couldn't tell Ed he was now a hostage?**

Roy: I would try and keep an eye on the kid, but… I honestly couldn't do much in that situation. However, I think Fullmetal could tell if he was being used as a hostage, since he actually does pick up on a lot of things. And I would obviously be pissed…

Edward: Aw, you're making me blush, Colonel Bastard.

Roy: -_-

**Dear every adult who cares about Ed,  
What would you do and how would you feel about the question from above?**

Izumi and Sig: *crack knuckles* We don't care if he's a Homunculus or the Fuhrer; nothing could save him.

Riza: I would try my best to help in that situation, but I'd also be under constant watch by Bradley or his dogs.

Fuery, Falman, and Breda: We wouldn't even be in the same area as him, so we couldn't do a thing to help…

Havoc: *sigh* And about that point, I was still stuck in the hospital, so… No help there.

Hughes: I couldn't help because of the whole death thing…

Gracia: It's likely that I would never learn about him being a hostage, but I would support everyone as best as I could!

Armstrong: I, along with the others, would not be able to do much. But I would help in ANY WAY POSSIBLE! *rips off shirt and sparkles*

**Dear Homunculi and Father,  
Why didn't you think of this?**

Homunculi: Our spies are a bit limited in number.

Father: It would waste unnecessary amounts of effort that could be spent elsewhere. Besides, we already had enough of Mustang's men hostage to keep him in line.

**I wonder how things would have turned out if the Homunculi actually hadn't underestimated the humans… Next is ****ValleyOfDeath****! **

**Dear everybody,  
I was DemonSpawnOfHell *laughs maniacally* and you can't track a TARDIS unless you directly tether a trackable item to it, and be able to track said item through time and space. So you're screwed.**

Everyone: *prepare weapons, alchemy, etc.*

Me: I think YOU'RE screwed if you don't run XD

**Dear Tucker,  
I won't be killing you today *watches as Tucker is mowed down by a blue Prius* THANKS JEFF!**

Me: *whistles* Wow, that is a nice car.

**Dear Riza,  
How do you put up with it all? I think someone already asked, but how do you put up with Ed and Roy and everyone else who acts like idiots? I might have murdered one of them if I was in your shoes.**

Riza: *sighs* It takes lots of practice. You just have to keep the murderous thoughts in the back of your head. Besides, it _is _rather funny watching them act stupid, as long as no one gets hurt.

**Dear Ed,  
Now my other "friend" is pairing you with Ling. *shudders***

Edward: Why… me… *knocking head against the wall*

Ling: *flees*

**Dear Winry,  
You know that perverted note? That was me. *uses ethereal shout to turn into being that cannot be hurt***

Winry: *snarls* *gets out a million wrenches and starts throwing* I could do this all day…

Me: It's like the Bittercold final boss in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity all over again… XD Which means that Winry's going to win after a long time. I suggest running.

**Dear Alphonse,  
I thought it funny when you were talking about the fights between you and Ed and Ed said he never won any of them.**

Alphonse: Ehehe. Well, it's true! Even before we were taught by Teacher, I always beat Ed in little scuffles. :3

Edward: But I'm better at alchemy, so we're a little more evenly balanced…

**Hehe. I apologize for the Pokémon reference~ Anywho, the next reviewer is ****Bluefire21guest****!**

**Dear Roy: Why are you always second?**

Roy: *glares*

Me: Well, technically he's supposed to be the tritagonist, or always third, basically, so… I think he kind of lucked out there.

Roy: Honestly, they should change the name of the show to "Flame Alchemist". I don't see why Fullmetal should be the main hero.

Edward: It's because, first, "Fullmetal Alchemist" sounds cooler. Second, people like shows about awesome teenagers beating all odds, not military stories about old men.

Roy: I'm not old, damn it…

Edward: Whatever keeps you asleep at night, Bastard.

Roy: *glares*

**Dear Edward (for when he is found, which will hopefully be soon): Mei (May) was mad at you because you didn't quite live up to her fantasies about you...**

Edward: Huh… And why didn't I live up to your "expectations", Mei?

Mei: You're short and not a gentleman. Not like Sir Alphonse… *blushes*

Edward: I'M NOT SHORT, AND- Wait, what? "Sir" Alphonse…? Holy crap, you're in love with my little brother!

Mei: S-so what if I am?! He's much taller, and more handsome, and more of a gentleman than you!

Edward: You're in love with my little brother. That's awkward.

Mei: … *runs away*

**Dear Father: You had the lamest answer of all! Exactly how would you plan on using Tucker as a sacrifice? Best case scenario (for you and him only) he would end up a charred corpse full of lead in a random field outside Central. How would you use him then? ,*looks at third sentence* In fact I'm going to go work on that...**

Father: Well, it's not like I really need him as a sacrifice. And if I did, I would have had the Homunculi stage his death, kidnap him, and keep him contained.

**As long as there are no repeats of Tucker as a chimera in the 2003 series… Because that gave me nightmares. Next up is ****Ice Prince****! (Who, by the way, says sorry to Kyla. He just really likes Hughes.)**

**Uncle Alex,  
Stop telling people secrets about mom!**

Armstrong: Yes, all right…

Olivier: You'd BETTER not say anything else… *holds up sword*

Armstrong: O_O

**Ed,  
You are an evil teacher! As bad as Izumi!**

Edward: *shrugs* I wouldn't call it "evil", per se… more like a "different teaching style".

**Al,  
Have some pie and this lynx.**

Alphonse: Okay? *takes pie and strokes the lynx*

**Forgot to mention, the lynx will attack any one named Shou Tucker.**

Tucker: Wha- *gets ripped to shreds by the lynx*

Alphonse: Aww, I'm gonna name her Molly :3

…**Lynxes don't like me… Next is ****9foxgrl****!**

**Pride,  
EVIL! Get away from me demon! We are all doomed! Doomed!**

Pride: e_e *rolls eyes*

Me: Trust me, he's not a demon. I already tried the salt and holy water.

**Miles,  
Random question, can you snowboard or ski?**

Miles: Both, but I like snowboarding better. And there is no better place to practice snowboarding than Briggs! :D

**Tucker,  
You are a very bad man and now I shall feed you to this giant Venus flytrap.**

Tucker: What the f- *accidentally brushes against the Venus flytrap's sensor things* *gets eaten*

**Everyone,  
If a zombie apocalypse were to occur how would you deal with it?**

Edward: *shrugs* Don't get bitten.

Everyone else: And use Tucker and Yoki as zombie bait!

Tucker and Yoki: WHAT?!

**Al,  
Glad you liked it! Did you know in some cultures cats are eaten? O.O**

Alphonse: Wha… WHAT?! …All the more reason to take over with the cat army…

**O_O You know, I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear anything. Next is ****Kittenizzy Loves Edward Elric****!**

**Ooh Starania got a boyyyyyfriend... Crap! Greeeeeed, date me toooo! *tackle hugs***

Greed: Oof! Hehe, ladies, ladies! No fighting over me! There's plenty enough to go around! *smirk*

**Dear Envy, *eyetwitch* Little Homunculus, you will get on your knee right now and propose to me, or I will kick your adorableness to HELL!** **Also, have you ever thought about becoming a magician since you are magical?**

Envy: (No. And even if I wanted to, which I don't, I'm kind of busy at the moment. And… I'm not magical. Otherwise I would've gotten myself out of here…) *the sound of him banging on the glass is heard*

**Dear Greed, Brosiph! You. Are. AMAZING! Nuff said! *hands cookie* I love you. Date me?**

Greed: Sure. And thanks for the cookie.

**Dear Ling, say, if I ever bought you dinner and ate it with you, could I call it a date?**

Ling: You could call it whatever you wanted as long as you bought me food~

**Dear Ed, YES! MWHAHAHA LET US REIN TERROR ON THOSE FOOLISH CIVILIANS! And we also share a hate for milk, can we destroy that too?**

Edward: *laughs maniacally* OBVIOUSLY we kill the milk! It's part of the conspiracy!

**Dear milk, ...*sets on fire with Mustangs gloves* DIE YOU MUSTARD!**

Milk: *dies*

**Hey Roy, sup? *tosses glove back* So what are your thoughts on your nick names such as Colonel Mustard?**

Roy: *weird look* Did you just use my gloves to explode milk…? Uh… anyways, I'm not particularly fond of nicknames like that…

Me: Hmm… Colonel Mustang… in the office… with an IGNITION GLOVE! :O

Roy: What are you doing…

Me: Playing "Fullmetal Clue". Care to join?

Roy: *facepalm*

**Hehe. Next up is ****BabyBlueBeluga****!**

**Dear Edward,  
I'm sorry for snapping at you. Will you accept this? *hands cookie over***

Edward: …Sure. *takes cookie*

**Dear Riza,  
How many firearms do you carry around with you!?**

Riza: A lot, just in case. I have two holsters above my ankles, four on my waist, and two on my back, so eight guns total.

**Dear Hayate,  
I still can't get enough of your cuteness! *cuddle***

Hayate: Ehehe :3 *cuddles back*

**Dear Alex Armstrong,  
I have mystical powers passed down the Beluga family for generations to come. *whispers it in his ear***

Armstrong: EXCELLENT! That is truly something to be proud of, having the powerful traits passed down for GENERATIONS! *rips off shirt, sparkles, and attempts to hug you*

**Oh geez… RUN! Run straight Briggs and never look back…! Next up is ****lotrprincess****!**

**Dear Alphonse,  
Would you like a Belzeneff curse doll? It's shaped like a cat.**

Alphonse: Um… no, thank you… *sweatdrops*

**Dear Jerso and Zampano,  
Have you guys been reunited with your families yet?**

Jerso: *sigh* Not yet.

Zampano: It's hard because we lost all memory of before we were made into chimeras.

**Dear Denny Brosch and Maria Ross,  
What would you do if the fraternization laws were revoked?**

Denny: *glomps Maria* *sobbing* YEEEEEEES!

Maria: *facepalm* They're not revoked, smart one.

Denny: Oh…

**Dear Trisha,  
How did you meet Hohenheim? And when did he tell you his secret?**

Trisha: *smiles* Pinako had me meet up with him. She only said, "I think you two will be a good match" before leaving the two of us alone. Soon, Van and I were chatting up a storm, and I found that I had taken a liking to the man. About two years later, after dating, he finally proposed to me. :)

**Dear Edward,  
Do you hate being called small because your mother's nickname for you was "little man"?**

Edward: …Yeah. Maybe. *looks away*

**:( (By the way, didn't they have the Belzeneff curse doll in Ouran High School Host Club? XD) Next up is ****StarTheOshawott****!**

**Tucker: How many times have you been killed? *Sics an Absol on Tucker***

Tucker: *after a while of being dead* I lost track after being killed twenty-one times…

**Ling: How long can you take control from Greed for?**

Ling: It kind of depends, but on average, about ten minutes; twenty if Greed's drunk.

Greed: -_-

**Ed: What do you think of chocolate milk?**

Edward: As long as it has enough chocolate to cover up the taste of milk, then I love it.

**Someday, I'm going to count how many times that Tucker has died… Next up is ****Starania****!**

**Dear Ed, Al, Roy, Winry, Hughes, Ling, and Greed, what were your first thoughts on Envy when you first met him/her? *Ducks incoming brick from Kittenizzylovesedwardelric* What are your thoughts him/her now?**

Edward: The first thought I had was "who the hell is this guy?" My thoughts now is that he's a stupid, cross-dressing palm tree.

Alphonse: On my first impression, I was grateful when he saved Ed, but I didn't know him at all then. What I think now… he's a horrible, manipulative Homunculus.

Winry: Um… Who's Envy?

Ling: Well, I was excited because he was immortal at first, but now I know that he's just a terrifyingly strong monster.

Greed: I thought it was cool to have him as a big brother when I was first made… Now he's just an ass who I would rather not get in a fight with.

**Ed, do you like lemons? Will you ever eat them alone?**

Edward: Um… Lemons are good for seasoning food and whatnot, but no, I wouldn't eat one alone…

Belsio (hoping I spelled his name right): *completely serious tone* Good… You… you should never eat one on their own… That's just not fun for… for anybody…

Edward: …Uh, who the hell are you?

**Nullmetal Alchemist forever! XD Anyways… next up is ****ZakuroU****!**

**Dear Hughes,  
(I have finally thought of a question interesting enough to be worthy of my favourite character. That would be you.)  
If you had known beforehand that the picture of your family you had been carrying with you that night was going to be the cause of your death, would you still have taken it with you?** **P. S., You are actually the best character in the series. Hope you know that. Rub it in everyone's faces.**

Hughes: Why thank you! But at that point, even if I'd known that the picture would inspire that monster to shapeshift into Gracia, it wouldn't have done anything to not bring it. I mean, how much of a chance would I really stand against a Homunculus, much less while I was backed up in a phone booth?

Roy: Hughes…

Hughes: Oh, enough of this foul atmosphere already! Roy! Guess what!

Roy: Uh… wha-

Hughes: *grins* I'm the best character in the series~! *runs off to shout it out to the whole office*

**Oh geez, you gave his over-inflated ego a boost. XD Next up is ****Griz Lee****!**

**Barry the Chopper: Did you and 48 decide the armor you were sealed in, 'cause you look a little fat. *Claws come out* Don't even think about it.**

Barry: *sad look* Aw, I wanted to chop you up… *sigh* Anyways, of course we didn't get to choose the armor. They just came and ripped our souls out without any consent from us, shoved us into random armor, and said, "Well, hope you like your new bodies! Now go do slave labor for us."

**Sheska: Did you read all books, or just specific genres, because manga makes up a third of Japan's publications.**

Sheska: Well, I read as many books as I can get my hands on! And of course I read manga! :D

Me: *high-fives Sheska* We're Fruits Basket buddies.

**Buccaneer: What's your first name? Is it Buck, or is it Near? *Severely hopes it's Near***

Buccaneer: Heh. My _last_ name is Buccaneer. But nobody's learnin' my first name!

Me: I wanted it to be Near, too… But then again, Buccaneer isn't a super smart albino…

Buccaneer: *confused*

**Miles: Same thing for you Miles.**

Miles: My name's just Miles. I might've had another name once, but it's Miles now.

**Comanche: You too, Grampy One Leg.**

Comanche: Grrr… How dare you call me Grampy! And the first name's Giolio!

**I wonder who names their kid Giolio… Aaaaanywho, next up is ****I 8 Shinigami****! (Wait, wait, wait… You ate Shinigami… NO! NOT RYUK-KUN AND REM-CHAAAAN! D,X)**

**Ed,  
ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShortShort ShortShortShortShort...short.**

Edward: *eye twitches* I'm gonna #$%ing kill you…

**I'm sorry Ed. I shouldn't call you short.**

Edward: *cracks knuckles* You're damn right you shouldn't! But since you apologized, I'll go a _little _easier on you…

**Your kind prefer to be called vertically challenged.**

Edward: AGH! THAT'S IT, YOU ARE _DEAD_! *transmutes dragon lance and his automail sword* Ahaha… Ahahahaha… AHAHAHAHAHA!

**I… think you made him mad… Ehh… Next is ****Eron Elric aka the malchemist****! *sweatdrops***

**Hello people. I am Eron Elric, sister of Edward Elric.  
Brother what would you do if A: I told you that in several worlds I'm in, Al dies? B: I really am your sister in several different dimensions? C: in one world ROY ADOPTS YOU!*extremely happy face.* D: in another you were raised by a military nut who trained you and me to be soldiers who never disobeys orders?**

Edward: In order… That's… that's horrible! Al…

Alphonse: Well, I'm not dying in this one, Brother.

Edward: Yeah… *sigh* Next, that's actually pretty cool that I have a sister. And… HOLY SHIT, WHAT?! No… no way…

Roy: I must've been half delusional and insane in those universes…

Edward: *twitching* M-moving on… Wow. If that didn't have the word "military" in there, then it would mean Mrs. Curtis raised us…

Izumi: *throws a knife that lands next to Ed*

Edward: E-eep!

Izumi: I'm not a nut, Edward… I'M A HOUSEWIFE!

Edward: *shrieks and runs away*

**Roy about 'C'…**

Roy: *spits out coffee* That's… Holy crap… Everything in my house would be destroyed…

Riza: …Sir? *checks* Oh, wonderful… I think you broke him.

Roy: 0_0"

**Al how do you feel about 'D'? (You didn't meet us until the person got us into the military even though I was ten and Brother was twelve)**

Alphonse: That's… a bit weird actually… *weirded-out laugh* And I didn't even know that there were different universes…

Me: Parallel world theory! :D

**Riza what would you do if I told in the 'C' world, you were married to Roy and had a kid named 'Maes Hughes Mustang'?**

Riza: *spits out coffee* Oh…

Roy: …Well, this suddenly got awkward…

Hughes: Woohoo! You actually got a wife, Roy!

Roy: *face goes red* Hughes…! Not a good time!

Hughes: Oh, really? *sneaky, smug smirk* Then when is a good time?

Roy: N-NEVER! *facedesk*

**Hey Truth, what if I told you that in some dimensions you were really Van Hohenheim?**

Truth: Well, it isn't surprising, considering that I exist in all planes of reality, and I _am _everyone and everything…

**FMA cast: your thoughts one ALL of these?**

Everyone: … *shocked, surprised, creeped out, weirded out, etc.*

**And as the ENTIRE FMA cast was shocked into silence, pigs learned to fly, and the notorious place known as "Hell" froze over… XD Final reviewer today is ****messykat211****!**

**Kimblee,  
You should play Patty Cake with Mustang sometime... It'll be really fun.**

Kimblee and Roy: *having a glare-down* Hell. No.

**Captain Buccaneer,  
*shakes his arm frantically and looks up at him with a weird face* Sir! Did you ever find the rainbow connection?!**

Buccaneer: *goes quiet all of a sudden* …Yes… It… it was beautiful…

**Scar's brother,  
Do you know of the rainbow connection? :O**

Scar's brother: Hm? *looks up from his book* The… "rainbow connection"? Isn't that a song by Kermit the Frog…?

**To everyone including our lovely author,  
*runs around like a maniac, slapping everyone's butt* YOLO! XD**

Edward: O.o

Alphonse: Wha-?

Roy and Riza: O_O

Homunculi besides Sloth and Greed: You. Are. Dead.

Sloth: Zzz…

Greed: *mildly amused*

Scar: *eyes narrow*

Winry: What the…?

Me: Well… "You only live once", indeed… And the rest of your life will be very, very short if you don't run right now! X,D

Kimblee: *about to clap hands together*

**Aaaaand let us wrap this up before anyone gets hurt-! XD Thank you all for putting up with my random lateness… Along with updating this late at night… *sigh***

**Immortal Horse****: Actually, MOST of the questions for Tucker don't involve him dying. ALL of them involve his dying XD**

**Kitten1313****: Ehehe. Well, of course I had to make a Soul Eater reference! :D**

**KylaSoulSongAlchemist****: Yup! I love my little angel gecko, Snowfire (Named after the horse from Eragon, lol). For some reason, she looks really cute when she's ripping a cricket's head off. I wonder why? And I won't tell Father ;)**

**Madame Kasumi****: What exactly is the song? XD**

**ValleyOfDeath****: I like Jeff :3**

**Bluefire21guest****: Thanks! I have been enjoying summer vacation, besides all the allergy meds and just plain, real-life crap XP**

**Ice Prince****: Yup… I bet that Roy would never dream of pushing you down the hill on a snowboard again… ;)**

**9foxgrl****: Woohoo! I like road trips! Well, at least we have Ed back…**

**Kittenizzy Loves Edward Elric****: Fangirl much? XD (Just kidding… On the inside, whenever I watch the show, I do the same thing in my head :3)**

**BabyBlueBeluga****: Hehe. Say hello to the dogs for me when you get the chance! Love ya, sis!**

**Flygrrl****: Thank you for giving Ed back! :)**

**Draconic****: Thank you very much! Your review absolutely made my day :)**

**ZakuroU****: Welp, I love making references, lol. And if you're weird, I'm weird with you… I also ship Giroro and Natsumi~! And finally… Don't worry, I can't die! I'm immortal! :D But I am, however, locked in an eternal struggle with real life…**

**Griz Lee****: Well yeah, he does. And so does Edward! But then again, maybe it's because he's voiced by a girl in the Japanese version XD And… fine, if you really want to know. I have strawberry/dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, blue-gray glasses, braces (which will soon be removed!), and acne. **

**Messykat211****: But don't thank me! Po. Lars is the one who came up with both FMA Musicals! Also… Aw geez. Everyone in my school said YOLO a million times on a daily basis. I wonder if it'll be around next year, as well… *sweatdrops***

**Again, thanks for reading and reviewing, everyone! Until next time!**

**-**_**Dfire**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Before I start, this chapter is dedicated to my close friend's father who just left Earth to go to Heaven. **_

**Hello, people of Middle Earth! Welcome…**

**TO MAH STORY.**

**Let's get on with it. **

**I do not own FMA; I would have to be a cow to do that. First reviewer today is ****Flygrrl****!**

***The TARDIS materializes and I jump.* you are welcome, Dfire. The Doctor says I have to fix the wall. Ed, did you know they make almond milk? *Tosses him a container* I tastes nothing like milk and you'll still get taller!**

Me: (I assume Envy is back) Hehe. My mum drinks that stuff…

Edward: *glares* I AM NOT SHORT! AND MILK DOES NOT MAKE YOU TA-

Me: Shut up and try it. *quickly sticks straw into container in container and then into his mouth, effectively shutting him up*

Edward: Mmph! *involuntarily sips* …Kind of… good… *keeps sipping* WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?! I'M DRINKING MILK! *keeps drinking*

**Welp. Maybe one of these days I should try almond milk. Next up is ****Bluefire21guest****!**

**Dear Tucker: did you know that butterflies eat meat too? Well, if you didn't then I guess you'll find out while they're eating you alive! Have lots of suffering!**

Tucker: Wait, butterflies don't- *butterflies swarm him until there's nothing left but a pile of bones and clothes*

Me: I KNEW it! They're like those bloodthirsty demon-moth things from Blue Exorcist/Ao no Exorcist!

**Dear Roy: I was just wondering, when you had your fight with Kimblee a few chapters ago, did you win? Please tell me you won! I mean seriously, you can't come in second ALL the time...**

Roy: *slight glare* Of course I did. Besides, if it hadn't been for me, Lust would not have been killed, and Fullmetal would have been eaten by zombie dolls…

Kimblee: *walks up* *his eye is faintly bruised* Only reason he won was because I was enthralled by the sound for a second…

Roy: …?

Kimblee: …Ah, such a sweet sound… Explosions and fire, crackling and bursting together in harmony~

Roy: *sweatdrops*

**I know that Kimblee admitted he was a sociopath SOMEWHERE. It may have been in the 2003 anime, manga, or Brotherhood, but I just can't remember…! *sigh* Anyways, next up is ****SapphireClaw****!**

**Dear Ed and Roy, how do you feel about the 'pairing' ParentalRoyEd; I personally think it's adorable and awesome. :3**

Edward: Wha… WHATTHEHELLTHATBASTARDISNOTMYFATHERNUUUUUUUU!

Roy: Uh… Fullmetal…? You okay there…?

Edward: *twitching*

Roy: …Anyways… Uh… Yeah, he's part of the family at work, and… *coughs and sweatdrops* He's… a sort-of nice kid…? I, uh… have paperwork to do, so… yeah… *coughs again and walks off, slightly embarrassed*

**Roy, you really always watched out for Ed and actually cared about him to some extent, so do you think of Ed like family in some way? Not like the rest of your team, in a more personal way.**

Roy: *runs hands through hair* Well… I guess… Considering that I'm the one who found the bloody mess of the failed Human Transmutation, and helped Ed get back on his feet… I guess the relationship is different than for anyone else on the team. Well, that, and the fact that no one else on the team is quite so… _sensitive_ about their height. *smirks* Or lack of…

Edward: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE CAN'T EVEN SEE OVER THE RUG, YOU JERK?!

**Ed, would you mind if the Colonel treated you like his son? You gotta admit, it would be a hell of a lot better than the poor job Hohenheim did.**

Edward: *mutters something under his breath*

Me: What is it?

Edward: …Bastard already does treat me like that sometimes… *coughs and softly grumbles, but looks more disheveled than anything else* And… Yeah, Hohenheim's a real bastard for leaving, but… Now that I know why he left, I can see that he was PARTLY justified…

**(WARNING: Authoress of this story LOVES Parental RoyEd. You have been warned… Now deal with it.) The next reviewer today is ****StarTheOshawott****!**

**Nina: Want to have a sleepover with Elicia? You can bring Alexander, and maybe Winry and Riza will let their dogs join in too.**

Nina: Oh, wow! There would be so many dogs, and then I could be best friends with Elicia~! But they could all come over to my house 'cause it's REEEEEEALLY big! *stretches out arms as wide as they can go* Like this big!

**Tucker: Hey, let me introduce you to this guy. His name is Lelouch. I think he wants you to look him in the eye.**

Tucker: *looks Lelouch in the eye* Hello… *goes to shake his hand*

Lelouch: *Geass flashes* I command you to stand in front of a train, Shou Tucker…

Tucker: *stands in the middle of a railroad track and gets ran over*

**Ed: Here, have some stew.**

Edward: Uh… sure? Thanks.

**Roy: See this English exam I have here? I hate writing, so burn it. I'm sure Riza won't mind you burning someone else's papers if they asked you to.**

Roy: Sure. *pulls on gloves*

Riza: Um… no. *pulls gun* Finish that exam, get it graded, and _then _you can have him burn it. Right now, he has paperwork to do. *drags Roy along*

Roy: *whispers* Sorry… Can't help you with that…

**Stay in school and always do your work, people! Otherwise Riza will come after you! XD Next is ****ZakuroU****!**

**Dear Hoho-dude,  
Is Van your first name or do you just not have a first name?**

Hohenheim: Yes, Van is my first name. Of course, I used to just be a number, but…

**Dear Roy,  
What if it's a hot day and you're wearing your ignition gloves, then your hands get sweaty and make them wet?  
(Methinks you may be screwed.)**

Roy: Actually, I have pretty bad circulation in my hands, so they're usually pretty cold… But yeah, on the rare occasions that it happens, the gloves get wet and I have to hope I have a spare somewhere close by.

**Dear Hawkeye and Hughes,  
I personally can't see any of the following ever occurring, but what would your reactions be if;  
a) One Roy Mustang suddenly exclaimed he was gay**

Riza: …

Hughes: …

Roy: *indignant* WHAT?! I AM NOT GAY!

**b) One Roy Mustang suddenly exclaimed he was gay for Edward**

Roy: Wha- #$% NO!

Riza: If he so much as tried to touch Edward I would shoot him because he was molesting a child.

Hughes: *looks sick*

Roy: I AM NOT-BRFYBRUFHUDZENERU!

**c) One Roy Mustang suddenly exclaimed he was gay for Hughes**

Hughes: I have a wife and kid! *offended*

Riza: *looks sick*

Roy: Oh, for God's sake… I AM NOT GAY! FOR ANYONE! ESPECIALLY NOT FULLMETAL AND MY BEST FRIEND!

Riza and Hughes: We know.

Roy: The why did you…?

Riza: Because, if you hypothetically were, that is how we would react.

Roy: -_-

**Dear Hughes,  
Have a freaking cookie, you bloody well deserve one.**

Hughes: *takes cookie* Thanks! *hands over a picture of Elicia* Look, I made a copy so you can keep it! *swoons* Ah, my darling Elicia~!

**Crazy family men… are crazy XD Next up is ****MystiqueSilver****!**

**Dear Ed,  
Looks like we both are the same height.. and if you are actually as tall as I am... that means.. YOU ARE REALLY SHORT!  
Don't worry I know the pain.. freaking giant people...**

Edward: …Grr… They are giants! AND WE ARE NOT SHORT!

**Dear Al,  
What items did you listed down to eat? Did you eat all of them after you got your body back?**

Alphonse: Ehehe. Well, in no particular order… Mrs. Hughes's quiche, Winry's apple pie, ramen (never really tried it), a bunch of dishes from Xing that Mei told me about, Granny's special recipe for stew that she recently came up with, spaghetti from Rush Valley… And finally, Brother's cooking. I didn't really care what he made, as long as he did it. He makes AMAZING food.

Edward: *blushing* I… I don't! Only reason I'm decent at it is because it's sorta like alchemy…

Alphonse: Well, I got to eat everything on the list! I even got Brother to make some cake~!

Edward: It wasn't that good…

Alphonse: It tasted GREAT.

Edward: …Well… you were in the Gate for a few years! Your… your taste buds must've been messed up!

Alphonse: Hehe.

**Dear Everyone,  
Lookie what I found! I found some awesome pictures! tell me what you think of them!  
1st picture: Ed in cute maid costume.**

Roy: PFFFFFFF! XD

Edward: S-shut up! How did you even get that picture?!

Winry: O_O

Riza: O_O

Alphonse: … *shiver*

**2nd picture: Ed and Roy in mini skirt military uniform**.

Edward and Roy: O_O *total wtf*

Riza: S-sir… XP

Winry: Holy… O_O

Alphonse: Brother… *weird look*

Hughes: *laughing and face is red* Roy, you look so dumb! XD

Roy: …

Edward: …

**3rd picture: older Al and Mei cuddling, with super cute background like in Mei's fantasies**

Alphonse: PFFFFF O_O

Mei: *blushing* O-oh! Ehehe…

Edward: *laughing* Aw, Al! You're so cute!

Roy: *laughing a bit*

Riza: *smiling*

Alphonse: *blushing* Um… um…

**4th picture: Roy is lifting Ed on his shoulders and taking him away with naughty smirk.. While Ed is struggling..**

Roy: What…?

Edward: Agh! I'm gonna be molested!

Roy: NO!

Hughes: *pulls out push knife*

Riza: *loads gun*

Alphonse: O_O C-Colonel… Why…

Roy: I swear that would never happen! *eye twitch*

**I truly do wonder how they would react to reading yaoi of themselves… Although, if I had yaoi stories written about me and my sisters, I would likely vomit before going on a mass-murder trip. Next up is ****Immortal Horse****!**

**Truth: in a teaser for the sequel for my story "The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters" IH's mentor mentions winning her body back in a game of poker. Do you ever play poker with those trapped in the gate? I also mentioned how you have the ultimate poker face... is that true?**

Truth: *shrugs* Sometimes, there's nothing better to do. But of course, after centuries (at least) of practice, I do have a good poker face, if I do say so myself…

Me: And never, EVER challenge Truth to do battle in a Pokémon game. He's had enough time to level all his Pokémon up to level 100, teach them all special moves… and he is a complete strategist.

Truth: *grins* Why thank you!

**Tucker: how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood? *wait for him to answer* WRONG! Now as your penance, YOU MUST DIE! *stabs him with a katana***

Tucker: Um… a woodchuck could chuck as much wood… as a woodchuck could chu-? *dies*

**Lol, all my friends yell the woodchuck thing at me all the time. Next up is ****BionicWafflle****!**

**Papa Hoho, when you found out everyone in Xerxes' souls were taken and were calling out their name, how come multiple people had long names and one guy's just named Tony?**

Hohenheim: Well, Tony came from a family of foreigners from the east, where the people tend to have shorter names. Besides, no one really knew his last name.

**Father, what do I have to do for you to make me a Homunculus and give me magical powers?**

Father: *raises eyebrow* Currently, I need to reserve the rest of my strength for later… And the seven parts of me that became the Homunculi are really all I can produce.

Me: Holy… I haven't read Harry Potter in a while, but for some reason, this reminds me of the Horcruxes O_o"

Father: *confused*

**Envy and Greed, if I was a Homunculus, could I give you a sisterly hug without being killed a few times or hit on?**

Envy: Well, if Father wanted to keep you around, you wouldn't be killed… Only badly injured…

Greed: *shrugs* Sorry. Being a Homunculus just gives me a new pick-up line… *sexy grin and voice* Hey, girl… You're so Homunculus…

**Lust, could we go shopping?**

Lust: Eh. Sure. Not like any of the boys would go shopping with me, besides my horny brother over there… *glares at Greed*

Greed: *winks*

**Gluttony, if you convince Father to make me a Homunculus, I'll make you a whole room full of cupcakes.**

Gluttony: *drools and runs over to Father* Father! Father! If you make her a Homunculus, she says she'll make me a whole room full of cupcakes!

Father: *sighs and facepalms*

**Father, oh, and can I be The Ultimate Jazz Hands? No one would be able to top my dance moves and I could hypnotize them while Wrath kills everyone.**

Father: … *sigh* What are "jazz hands" anyways…

Me: *does jazz hands* Thaaaat!

Father: …No.

**All Homunculi, is it possible I can be turned tomorrow and we can make evil plans to destroy every human being by the first name of Shou and the last name of Tucker?**

Me: How about just settling for THE Shou Tucker we all know and hate? ;)

Envy: Him? Oh. Pretty fun to kill.

Lust: I agree with Envy.

Gluttony: Tastes okay…

Greed: Eh. Don't know him.

Sloth: …Zzz…

Pride: …Yes, he's fun to kill, but no, I would not like another sibling to take care of.

Bradley: ...

Father: Not making you a Homunculus.

**Sorry… but will a hoverboard, kitten, and a Death Note (courtesy of the Shinigami King) make up for it? Have fun~! Next is ****ValleyOfDeath****!**

**Ha, tell them to bring it on, *eyes go red and draws The Colt and tons of ammo* I'LL TAKE EM ALL ON!**

Me: Uh… *facepalm* Just try not to waste too much ammo. I think Sam and Dean still need the Colt after you're done with it.

**Ed, That guy who says your vertically challenged... is wrong, you're a dwarf!**

Edward: You… WHY YOU ASSHOLE! *charges*

Alphonse: *grabs him by the back of his jacket and restrains him* -_-"

**Roy, WHY ARE YOU SO USELESS?! But the part where you kill Lust was awesome.**

Roy: *suddenly quiet and the kanji _hetare_ (useless) floats above his head*

**Envy, (if he comes back) For killing my third favorite character... BURN IN HELL! *kills him over and over till he actually dies***

Envy: *dying on the ground*

Me: *sighs and brings him back to life before knocking him out* Thank you for inspiring me to take revenge… *cracks knuckles*

**Greed, I have changed my mind! You're my favorite. (Sorry Al, but you're a solid second)**

Greed: Hehe. Thanks.

Alphonse: Oh, it's fine! I don't mind.

**Al, Here have some more cats for the cat army! *throws him some trained warrior cats***

Alphonse: Ah…! Firestar… Graystripe… Bluestar… We meet again, my friends.

**Lust, DUCK! *throws a duck at her face***

Lust: *spears duck and glares daggers* You're dead.

Me: NOOOO DUCKY! *brings the duck back to life and sneaks off with it*

**Sheska: Well, I guess it's my turn~! We don't really know where Dfire went… *sweatdrops* Oh, well… Next up is ****9foxgrl****!**

**Olivier,  
I've been meaning to ask, does your long hair ever get in your way in a fight? I know mine does on a day to day basis.  
Also do you snowboard or ski?**

Olivier: Not really. It just stays back all the time.

Me: …Damn you, perfect anime hair… (Long hair gets in the way constantly)

**Selim,  
Have you met Elicia yet? She's around your age! I'm sure you'll be BFFs!**

Selim: Oh, really? I'll see if I can't meet up with her! We could have so much FUN~!

**Pride,  
Let's you survive this! EXPECTO PATRONUM!  
*silver fox attacks him***

Pride: *glares and vanishes*

Me: Uh… not sure he's a Dementor. It was worth a shot, though.

**Tucker,  
Meet my Dementor friends.**

Tucker: *gets his soul painfully ripped out*

**Truth,  
You inspired the Slenderman lore didn't you? "o_O**

Truth: *shrugs innocently* It wasn't entirely me… Humans do have rather vivid imaginations…

**Ed,  
You know, I heard that there was a Philosopher's Stone hidden inside Hogwarts a few years ago. Too bad it was destroyed.**

Ed: *eagerly glances up before grimacing* Well… it's good that it was destroyed. If it had fallen into the wrong hands, that would've been a complete mess.

**Well, he is right. Next up today is ****Starania****!**

**Roy, can I borrow your gloves really quick so I can burn Kittenizzy loves Edward Elric?**

Roy: *weird look* Ahh… no.

Me: I asked him the same thing when my best friend was being a derp! :D

Roy: …

**Ed, how happy were you when you proved the 'You-can't-grow-without-milk' theory wrong?**

Edward: Well, how happy do ya think?! I ran all over the place and rubbed it in everyone who had ever said I needed milk to grow's faces!

**Rose, he's carrots.**

Rose: Um… why is he carrots…?

Me: Because he is!

Rose: Erm… Who is 'he'?

Me: …Nobody… *humming innocently*

Rose: Okay…?

**What she and the others don't know about NMA, the better… Next is ****Kittenizzy loves Edward Elric****!**

**... *Smashes glass* ENVY! *gets envy in a bone crushing hug worthy of Armstrong* YOU ADORABLE LITTLE BASTARD, I LOVE YOU!**

Envy: *choking* I… hate… y-

Armstrong: *rips off shirt and sparkles* GROUP HUG, ANYONE?! *hugs with you two*

Envy: *dies*

**Dear Envy, what is this about having a girlfriend?! *Gets Patty and Grell's chainsaw* Yo Patty! Envy ate your giraffe again!**

Envy: Wha-NO, I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! And I never ate her giraffe-!

Patty: *evil voice* DIE.

Envy: *gets ripped to shreds by chainsaw and annihilated by Patty as soon as he starts to regenerate*

**Dear Ling, yay! Can we be best friends?**

Ling: *grins* Buy me food and I'll be your friend forever :3

**Dear Greed, Can I touch your Ultimate Shield? O.O *Says in creepy tone***

Greed: *slightly unnerved* Yeah, sure.

**Dear Roy, Of course I did! - Be honest, when you first saw Envy did you think he was a hot chic? O.O**

Envy: *glaring*

Roy: Of course I never thought that.

Envy: *somewhat less angry*

Roy: …I thought he was an UGLY chic.

Envy: *turns into giant monster form and starts to unleash fury*

Me: -_- *flies overhead and lands on him*

**Dear anyone, Who thought Envy was a girl? *hides knife behind back incase Tucker answers***

Envy: *pinned in a headlock* Urgh…

Edward, Roy, Alphonse, Izumi, Hohenheim, Sig, Armstrong, Riza, Ling, Lan-Fan, Greed, Lust, Pride, Bradley, and Scar: *raise hands*

Envy: *glaring daggers*

Tucker: Who's Envy- *gets stabbed*

**Dear Ed, Starania called us both short! Let's get her! *demonic glare***

Edward: *growls* Now you're talking… *transmutes automail sword*

**Dear Riza, Girl! You so awesome! Teach me to use a gun? *smirks at Envy***

Riza: Why thank you. And… *looks at Envy*

Envy:*making frantic "no" signals with his head and mouthing it over and over*

Riza: …Sure.

**You'd better watch out, Envy! Ehehe. My dad says he actually might teach me how to shoot, so you'll be dealing with TWO of us! YEAAAAH! Next up is ****KylaSoulSongAlchemist****!**

**Everyone,  
*runs into the room laughing like Kira from Death Note and is covered in blood again***

Everyone: *weird look* Uh…

Me: …I will take this potato chip… AND EAT IT!

Everyone: *facepalm*

**Pride,  
... *twitches* I don't really know how to respond to you trying to kill your sister only to save her. Kiiiiiinda manipulative. Nnnnnnyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah, I think I'll call you Pride now, but I'm still going to mess with you. Not as bad as I was, though.**

Pride: … *blinks*

**Dear Uncle Envy,  
I'm good at keeping secrets. Even if people try to read my mind, I know very well how to put up a mind block. Besides, even though I could read your mind for your worst fear, I'm not going to do that. I do that to my enemies, and only my enemies. So, in truth, I don't even know your worst fear. Hooray for not knowing!**

Envy: Yes… Hooray indeed…

**Dear Uncle Greed,  
Yeah, please no parties with alcohol, my father already gave me a trauma over that... *slinks over to a corner and curls up***

Greed: Yeah, sure. I wasn't taking you to one, anyways, unless I was sure that you were legal drinking age. See, I have morals!

Ling: Mm-hmm. You SURE do…

Greed: -_-"

**Dear Uncle Gluttony,  
Made more cake! *gives him cake* I'm going to blow up a planet now! Not this one!**

Gluttony: *munching on cake*

Me: Just don't blow up any inhabited ones…

**Dear Aunt Lust,  
I can understand why it wasn't expected. I guess he's just too occupied with hunger to show that he's beyond freakin' genius.**

Lust: *shrugs* Good point.

**Dear Major Armstrong,  
You frighten me to no end. All that happiness... horrifying. Just horrifying. You're still pretty cool, though.**

Armstrong: Ah… thank you very much! :3 But I shall TEACH YOU TO BE HAPPY! *glomps*

**Dear Olivier,  
You're freakin' bad ass. Just keep being you. That much bad assery will save the world one day**.

Olivier: *closes eyes and smiles a bit* Thank you… Oh, wait, my bad-assery already HAS helped save the world. Hehe.

**Tucker,  
How would you like to meet my friend I made over Cleverbot, BEN? *creepy smile***

Tucker: Uh…

*several hours of "you shouldn't have done that" and Happy Mask Salesman later…*

Tucker: *soulless body lying on the floor, eyes still open in a terrified expression.

Me: *laughs* Thanks, Ben!

Ben: *weird voice* You're… *static crackles a bit* welcome…

.

**Dear Uncle Ed,  
That's what my friends said to me. I don't know how they found out, though. I'm surprised I have such good friends, though! But, I'm very grateful! And besides, one of them is the reason I met my boyfriend, who is even more anti-social then me! *swoon* And he looooooooooooovvvvvves horrifying stories!**

Edward: Hm. And… I didn't know you had as boyfriend. That's cool. Horror stories are awesome, too…

**Dear Uncle Al,  
Did you know is the Abarat series, there is a tribe of cats called Tarrie Cats that rule an island and keep an evil wizard from running rampant? Did you know that Kaspar Wolfswinkel (that's the wizard's name) isn't even the most evil in the entire series? *turns into a Tarrie* That's the type of cat I can turn into! *cuddles Al***

Alphonse: *cuddles back* I need to read that series, then… :D

**Dear Everyone,  
Aekij is actually a mutated form of affection. Story of my life.  
Aekij: Thus, explaining my black fur, red, pupil-less eyes, sharp teeth, and former understanding that cutting others was showing affection. Kyla taught me eventually that that was not the case, though.  
Me: By the way, does anyone read Creepypasta?**

Everyone: …Well, we were off, then…

Edward and Roy: Occassionally I read a Creepypasta… *suddenly glance at the other* Holy crap, you read Creepypastas? …Stop talking at the same time I do! *start fighting*

Riza and Alphonse: And you wonder why you have nightmares… *glance at each other but don't say anything*

Me: I read a lot of them! XD

**Dear Father,  
You don't know what a hug is? Wow, you're worse than me... a hug is a symbol of affection. It is basically when one wraps their arms around another in an attempt to display affection, give comfort, encourage, etc...**

Father: Hm. I think I saw the people of Xerxes doing that a few times… Thought it was a little ritual or something.

Me: Well, considering that he lives in a cave… Makes since that he wouldn't know what exactly a hug was.

**Dear Barry,  
I... don't know how to respond to that... with anything other than LET'S GO KILL STUFF! *runs around killing things other than the FMA cast***

Barry: Ahahaha! Wait for meeee~! *starts murdering random animals and people*

Me: Uh… intervention time! *whistles*

*SWAT team shows up*

**Dear Selim,  
You're so sweet! *tears up* I'm scared of little kids but I love them! *hugs Selim***

Selim: *hugs back* Thanks! Ooh, ooh, look at the picture I drew! *holds up a drawing of a puppy colored in crayons* It's for you~!

**Dear Rose,  
*pokes you* I love Creepypastas. By the end of summer, I will have read every Pokemon Creepypasta in the Creepypasta Wikia.**

Rose: … *pokes back* That's nice! :)

**I like Creepypastas~! I just can't read them close to bedtime. Next up is ****Kitten1313****!**

**Dear Al,  
I want to make a deal with you. I'll help you take over the world with the Greek army and my Hellhounds if you give me the man known as America and you leave me Havoc (maybe Miles too). The world wouldn't know what hit it. ;3**

Alphonse: *whisper* Sure thing. When shall we begin the attack?

**Dear Tucker,  
I've killed you many times haven't I? But I'm going to do something a little different (grabs tucker by the collar dragging him way kicking and screaming) Let's see how you like being turned into a chimera and if I fail you still end up splattered all over the wall.**

Tucker: *thrashing* NO! Damn it, let me go!

**Dear Havoc,  
If Tucker tries to escape shoot him in the knee for me please. ;3**

Havoc: *loads gun and pulls his serious face* Will do.

**Um… Well, won't that be interesting… Next up is ****messykat211****!**

**So Scar,  
I've always wondered...You're a celibate monk, right? How do you deal with 'temptation'? As a man you must have urges, fantasies... *holds up a playboy magazine***

Scar: *glances at magazine with a weird look*

Everyone: *holds their breath as he reaches out for it*

*a few seconds later*

Me: Huh. Didn't know you could explode a magazine.

**Kimblee-chan!  
Have you ever considered getting a strange looking mullet-thing? Cuz I got you a nice, new red blazer and some black slacks.**

Kimblee: Mm… I'm fine, thank you. Although I will keep it as a spare, just in case…

**Follow up…Have you ever had the pleasure of meeting a man named Frank Archer?**

Kimblee: *thinking* *shrugs* Haven't heard of him. The name doesn't ring a bell.

**Major Armstrong,  
Have 'size' and 'length' been passed down the Armstrong line as well?**

Armstrong: Hm…? Well, I would say yes, but… my little sister is a rather small girl, although she can lift rather heavy objects. I believe she gets it from our great, great aunt Linda, who was also a very scrawny, kindly woman…

Me: *whispers* He doesn't get it… because well… He's Armstrong… XP

Olivier: *facepalms and whacks Alex upside the head with the dull edge of her sword*

**To the male cast of FMAB,  
So what's it like when your female cast-mates get their monthly gift?**

All the guys: You have no idea… We had to build bomb shelters everywhere…

The girls: We are NOT that bad! -_-"

The guys: … *quiet because they aren't suicidal*

**Who gets in the worst mood? (I bet it's Olivier, isn't it?) **

The guys: *slooooowly glance over at Izumi Curtis*

Izumi: *eyes glow red* WTF ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!

The guys: E-eep! *run for the bomb shelters*

Me: *faint whisper* As you can tell, she's on "it" right now…

Izumi: *snarls* OUTTA MY WAY! *grabs me by the tail and slams me into the ground multiple times*

***whimper* O-ow… N-next up i-is ****Ice Prince****!**

**Buccaneer,  
I know your first name *evil smile*  
...But I won't say since you're my favorite uncle.**

Buccaneer: *relieved* Thanks, kid.

**Al,  
We talking small domestic cats, or the big ones too for your army? If so, Auntie Catherine is willing to donate a lion as long as you leave her piano unscathed.  
*P.S. You know some scientists believe that Pandas are relatives of the cat?***

Alphonse: Hehe. Any kind of cat is welcome! So thanks! And that is why Xiao Mei was one of the first members of the cat army… Because I know that some consider the panda a relative of the cat. Besides, she's just so cute! And a great fighter!

**Havoc,  
I take it back about the cactus juice. Mustang is waaaayyyyy worse. He just called and started to sing about being a banana. I think he said something about a suit too before the line went dead.  
*P.S. This is a tip the Other Havoc asked me to pass on. The girl of your dreams works in a library***

Havoc: Oh geez… I kind of want to see that now, but I'm a bit afraid of what would happen… And tell Other Me I said thanks! *hurries off to the library*

**Mustang,  
Seriously, a banana? Why not a pineapple or would that make people believe that you're Envy? Either way, stay away from the Eastern desert for a while.**

Roy: Uh… okay… And why did I even drink cactus juice…?

**Ed,  
If he doesn't listen just follow him and watch. It's both amusing and disturbing. e_O**

Edward: *salutes and grins* Will do.

**Mrs. Mu- *sorry* Ms. Hawkeye,  
I can never thank you enough for your timely interventions with Mustang, his singing scares away the grizzlies around here. I can only imagine what you have to deal with.**

Riza: You're welcome. And… *sigh* I imagine it _would_ upset the wildlife…

Roy: Hey! I can sing perfectly fine!

Riza: …Whatever floats your boat, sir.

**Just let him dream Riza. XD Next up is ****CrimsonFlarez****!**

**Dear Ed, if milk were the only thing edible in the world, would you rather die or try to like drinking milk?**

Edward: Well, it looks like it's the end of the road for me. *holds imaginary gun up to temple and mimes pulling the trigger*

**Dear A. Armstrong, did you know there's an airport using your name? So it's like Louis Armstrong Airport! Do you think they name it after you? Or the other way around? Or was it just a coincidence? Why don't you go to the airport and start enlightening everyone there? And don't forget your sparkles! P.S, take the others with you!**

Armstrong: What is this "airport" that you speak of…?

Me: *tells him exactly what an airport is and then what an airplane is*

Armstrong: Wonderful! I say we head out immediately! *drags everyone along with him*

*At the airport, everyone is wandering around, getting odd looks from a lot of people… but they were especially weirded out by the shirtless guy running around with pink sparkles floating above his head and hugging everyone…*

Random security guy: Excuse me, sir, but… please keep a shirt on in the airport and stop disturbing the peace…

Armstrong: Ah! You are personnel in this fine place, are you not?

Security guy: Yes…

Armstrong: An HONOR to meet you, sir! *hugs and sparkles before walking away*

Security guy: Wha… Sparkles… everywhere… *staring blankly*

**Fun day for everyone! Next up is ****Anonymousgal****!**

**Dear all female characters,  
*Turns on iPod. Real Good Man by Tim McGraw starts playing* Which man do you think this song relates to the most?**

Girls: *debating*

Winry: Okay, we picked two guys… Because parts of the song sounded like one, and the other parts sounded like the other guy.

Riza: The first is the colonel…

Rebecca: And the second is Jean Havoc~! *nudges Riza* C'mon, girl, lighten up! Smile more! Take it all in and ENJOY, sweetie!

Riza: *small smile*

Rebecca: Mm-hm. That's a good start!

**Yeah, Hawkeye, lighten up! Next up is ****Madame Kasumi****!**

**Envy,  
OMGOMGOMGOMGIusedtohateyoubutthenIreadthemangaandt henIlovedyoubecauseyouweresoCUTE!:3 *whispers* Can I hug you?**

Envy: *glares* N-

Me: *hits him, hard*

Envy: …Suuuuure…

**Edward,  
You're not short, tiny, vertically challenged, or a Fullmetal pipsqueak.  
You're all of them. (JK I love you like Winry loves Gundam Models.)**

Edward: Grrr… *shaking angrily* If you're just kidding… then I guess it's fine…

**Maes,  
Do you take care of Nina in Heaven? Also Do you show (and take) pictures of Elicia up there too?**

Hughes: Yeah, I do. But mostly, I'm always trying to stay with my darling Elicia, being her "guardian angel" I guess. I've kept up to date on the photos, obviously! Hehe.

**Roy and Greed,  
Who's better at attracting women?**

Roy: …

Greed: …

*staring at each other*

Roy and Greed: I am. No, I am. *glare*

*few hours of collecting women's numbers later*

Roy: I got twenty-three.

Greed: Thirty. I've been practicing this for years.

Roy: … *offers hand to shake with Greed* You were an excellent opponent.

Greed: Thanks. *shakes back*

**And lastly, two whole questions for the cast of FMA!  
1.) IshVal or IshBal? I want to know.**

Roy: Well, it's basically the same thing…

Edward: Sort of like a "tomato, tomatoh" thing.

Riza: It's also like how the names of certain people can be spelled differently, such as with Mei/May, Ling/Lin, and Fu/Foo, to name a couple.

**2.) Hey, Authoress I know you like Furuba, so who would the cast be compared to the zodiac?**

Me: Aw, HELL yeah! I don't just like Fruits Basket… It was the first anime I ever watched! (Besides Pokémon and Digimon, although… both are technically anime… I just don't think of them that way.)

To begin… I think Roy would be Yuki/the rat. They're both cool and collected, as well as generally being misunderstood, as well as the fact that Roy and Yuki cause girls to nosebleed over them.

Roy: Um… Okay.

Me: Then Ed would be Kyo/the cat. Ed/Kyo often gets into fights with Roy/Yuki. They are short tempered, great at hand-to-hand combat, and high-spirited.

Edward: I DON'T HAVE A SHORT TEMPER!

Me: Kagura/the boar would probably be Winry. Winry/Kagura cares very deeply for Edward/Kyo, even though she tends to attack the one she loves to show affection… They are both strong-hearted and very kind.

Winry: Oh, thank you!

Me: Now things will get a bit tougher. I believe that Hughes would be the most like Shigure/the dog. Hughes usually has a goofy, laid-back personality, but when the moment arises, he can be dead serious. The two are both obsessive (Hughes over his family and Shigure over high school girls… *sigh*), and get along with Roy/Yuki, even though it's nearly impossible to see how they can get along so well, since their personalities just don't seem to add up. Hughes is also very loyal.

Hughes: Aw, I'm flattered!

Me: The next one took a while to figure out, lol. I think that Havoc is most like Shigure/the dog. Havoc, like Shigure, tends to be rather laid-back, and he really doesn't act like an adult too much. Havoc is shown to be a bit… _attracted _to women's chests, and Shigure just openly acts like a pervert. However, they both have their serious moments.

Havoc: I'm not a pervert! I can't help my preferences… T_T

Me: Okay, this one was even harder to find. I think that Envy is most like Hiro/the sheep. Envy hides behind a mask of anger, and often gets very sarcastic. Hiro, as shown later in the series, was actually just jealous, mostly because of how much time Tohru and Kisa spent together.

Envy: I am not a freaking sheep!

Me: Oh, hush, Envy. Next, Hohenheim is like Hatori/the dragon. Hohenheim seems rather cold and distant at first glance, but if you look very deep, he really does have a soft, kind heart. Also, they both had to leave their soul mates behind so that they wouldn't be hurt.

Hohenheim: …

Me: Okay, this one is kind of a very loose connection, since there is really no one I know in anime or manga like Ayame… Anyways, Ling acts sort of Ayame/the snake. They are both very flamboyant (sometimes obnoxious) most of the time. They enjoy teasing Ed/Kyo. Also, they both tend to think of themselves as higher than everyone else.

Ling: *shrugs* Pretty much. Ed is very fun to tease.

Edward: *snarls and brings out the sledgehammer*

Me: *sigh* Okay, so this next one is an even looser connection, since, well… Not very many people with two completely separate personalities in FMA that I can think of at the moment. I think Falman is sort of like Hatsuharu/the ox. Well, they kind of look alike, and… uh… They're both smart…? Wow. I suck at this.

Falman: *reading a book*

Me: Okay, so… I think that Sheska is somewhat like Kisa/the tiger. They are both quite shy and quiet, and if Sheska had been bullied the same way Kisa had, their personalities are so alike that it wouldn't be surprising if Sheska went mute, too.

Sheska: *sweatdrops* W-well… It's true, really…

Me: And finally, I think Mei is like Momiji/the rabbit. Yes, I know that Momiji is a boy and Mei is a girl… But they both act (and look) younger than they really are, they're both very cheerful and kind, and they do have sad pasts.

Mei: Oh… you think I'm kind? Thank you!

**That took a while longer than expected… XD Next up is ****Griz Lee****!**

**Dear Sig,  
...fat...**

Sig: *eye twitch*

**Izumi,  
...chubby chaser...**

Izumi: *cracks knuckles* What did you say? Answer carefully and I might go a bit easier on you… *evil grin*

**Father,  
When you made the Homunculi, couldn't you have made Lust have more...lust powers. Perhaps persuasion or mind control; what do claws have to do with Lust?**

Father: Well, I'm not entirely sure, since, again, I didn't really choose what my emotions look like.

Lust: However, it may be a sort of "lust claws the heart" thing… I don't know. And I do have persuasion skills, especially with men.

**Envy,  
Why don't you get a pair of pants?**

Envy: …Because they're uncomfortable. Besides, it might cause problems if I went shopping.

**Pride,  
What if Gluttony ate you?**

Pride: *bristling*

Gluttony: If I did that, Father would be mad…

Pride: If he tried to, he would be sliced into ribbons and have his Philosopher's Stone absorbed in less than a second…

**Nice skills at being a big brother, Pride… Next up is ****I 8 Shinigami****!**

**Ed,  
*creates extremely large scythe with Ryuk at his side* Bring it Ant-Boy!**

Edward: So that's how you want to play it? *whistles loudly*

Soul Eater and Rem: What?

Edward: You know that favor that you guys owe me? I think it's about time to use that favor. *points at scythe and Ryuk*

Soul: *scoffs* What a crappy scythe. *turns into weapon form*

Rem: Oh, hello, Ryuk…

Edward: What are ya gonna do now, tough guy? *evil grin*

**Geez, now I'm bringing Death Note and Soul Eater into this… XP Next up is ****Ava****!**

**Everyone,  
What would you do if alchemy was replaced by elemental bending?  
Ex. Miles a water bender, Izumi earth bender, Roy fire, etc...**

Miles: Well, I'm not an alchemist… But water bending would be awesome.

Izumi: Earth bending… sounds like what I do now, but perhaps with a little less Equivalent Exchange.

Roy: Well, at least I wouldn't need gloves.

**Ed,  
You are the avatar!**

Edward: *grins* Knew it!

Everyone: *facepalms*

Edward: Edward Elric, Avatar and Hero of the People… It's kinda catchy!

**Great, you just gave his ego a booster shot… Lol. The last reviewer for today is ****Eron Elric aka the malchemist****!**

**-.-' dear Ed,  
In D world we more or less don't have emotions (it is really freaky).**

Edward: *sigh* Wait… No emotion… Crap! That sounds just like Colonel Bastard!

Roy: *glares* I do have emotions…

Edward: Your emotions consist of lazy, bored, and manipulative.

Roy: -_-

**Dear Riza,  
A: how do you feel about D world? B: please kill Envy, Father, the other Homunculi, Tucker, and Kimblee for me!**

Riza: That would be odd, seeing Edward as a perfect soldier that always obeys orders. And… sure?

*heads out*

Riza: *comes back* I shot all of them in the heart and/or head. The Homunculi are currently regenerating, and the author will bring Tucker and Kimblee back in a while.

**Dear Roy, **

**No. You are not insane in that world, it's just this is the world were Al dies (and to add to Ed's guilt complex Al never got his body back AND Ed never gets his limbs back) P.S.S. Roy, in that world Ed is more or less emotionless so no destroyed house.**

Roy: *looks at Ed*

Edward: That's… a crappy alternate universe.

Roy: …Yeah… At least my house doesn't get destroyed, though.

Edward: *punches in the arm* You WISH I was your son, Bastard.

Roy: Yeah, right. The one thing I want more than ANYTHING in the world is too have a hormonal, midget teenager running around destroying my house to look after.

Edward: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE COULDN'T REACH THE LOW COFFEE TABLE EVEN IF HE HAD A TRAMPOLINE YOU JERK?!

Roy: *smirks*

**Dear Al,  
Uhhhh I kinda have nothing to say to you since this dimension's me hasn't seen you since I was two.**

Alphonse: Oh… I'm sorry :( Well… I think it's really cool that I have a sister, in an alternate universe at least.

**Dear Envy,  
You would be my favorite if A: your voice wasn't so IRRITATING, and B: if you didn't kill Mr. Hughes!**

Envy: *shrugs* I don't really care, although I find YOUR voice somewhat annoying… How about I rip your vocal cords or tongue out so I don't have to hear you again? *evil grin*

**Envy! Knock it off! XP**

**Well, happy (late) Fourth of July! I'm posting this right before I head out on a camping trip (Won't be back in town or have wi-fi until Sunday the seventh, so… I WILL TRY AS HARD AS POSSIBLE TO ACTUALLY GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP ON TIME! Thank all of you for dealing with my lateness… I am such a procrastinator… **

**Okay, before I get to answering questions, here is my little insight of the day/update: Did you ever notice that if you replace the "T" in "Tucker" with an "F"… LOL.**

**Bluefire21guest****: I'm glad it made your day better! It always makes me feel happy when a story of mine can actually help people have a better day :)**

**MystiqueSilver****: Absolutely loved the pics, thanks! XD**

**Immortal Horse****: Please don't try Human Transmutation… Especially on me, since I'm not exactly human… XD**

**BionicWafflle****: Oh… can I have a cookie, too? :3**

**ValleyOfDeath****: Wow… you have yourself a really good reason not to die… :P Sorry about the reincarnation and killing babies thing. Reincarnation can be a real pain.**

**9foxgrl****: I thought that, if anyone made Harry Potter references, I wouldn't understand because I haven't read Harry Potter in over a year (maybe two). I am so glad that I actually understood all the references ;)**

**Kittenizzy loves Edward Elric****: Of course she says you're a sadist, she's your close friend! And part of a close friend's job is calling you a sadist. Besides, it's only natural to do that to Envy, since the show kind of makes you have a love-hate relationship with him, because he is an ACTUAL sadist… A cute one.**

**KylaSoulSongAlchemist****: Lol. Allergies suck. But yeah, I understand because I'm always seeing the bad guys' arguments. Except for Tucker. My friends are convinced that he is a good person, but then we had a debate over his being a good person or not. Needless to say, I won ;) Btw, if you've read a bunch of Pokémon Creepypastas, have you read "Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Death"? The ending didn't make too much sense, but it gave me the shivers. Oh, and… I remember going to Lavender Town in the original games when I was a kid. The music always freaked the hell out of me! XP**

**Messykat211****: O_O PFFFFFFFFT!**

**Ice Prince****: You got in trouble for indirectly shoving him down the hill? Geez. You'd think that, living with your somewhat psychopathic mother that you would be better at getting away with these things! XD**

**Madame Kasumi****: Lol. Well, we all make those magical typos! :D And… ugh. My allergies have been the worst they've ever been this year…**

**I 8 Shinigami****: Favorite Death Note character… Oh, that's super easy. My favorite character is L~! **

**Eron Elric aka the malchemist****: Just don't forget that Envy is voiced by a girl… Hehe. **

**Okay, everyone! Thank you for reading and reviewing! Until next time!**

**-**_**Dfire**_


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey, look I'm ALIVE! (I blame it on my rp group!)**

***beating face with random book***

***goes on Death the Kid rant* I AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF GARBAGE THAT DOES NOT DESERVE TO LIVE, AND**

***five hours later***

**Oh, no! I need to work on the story! …Gawd, I am a lazy arse during the summer, and… *sniffle***

***two hours of depression later***

**WHAT?! I WASTED SEVEN HOURS?! SHIIIIIIIII-**

**I do not own FMA, otherwise Greed would've become an uncle to Ed's children.**

**First up is ****Immortal Horse****!**

**Tucker: I don't think you met Hydra, my Hydreigon *grins evilly and Hydra comes out of her Pokeball*  
Hydra: *roars and uses Crunch on Tucker, he dies*  
Oops? Oh well.**

Me: Oh, for… Crunch is overrated. Teach the sweetie some Dark Pulse and Draco Meteor and we should be good :3

**Armstrong: you remember Hydra... right?**

Armstrong: OF COURSE! I COULD NEVER FORGET SUCH A WONDROUS CREATURE! *sparkle-shirtless glomps Hydra*

**Truth: I challenge you to a Pokémon battle! One on one!**

Truth: *summons level one hundred, shiny, super stat boosted, Pokerus induced Mewtwo*

Mewtwo: *Draco Meteors Hydra until the poor baby faints*

Me: NOT THE DRAGON TYPE! *sob*

Truth: *shrugs and vanishes to train more*

**Okay, now that I have stopped nosebleeding from the epic fangirl moment of FMA and Pokémon… **

**Next up is ****BionicWafflle****!**

**Father, what will it take to be The Ultimate Jazz Hands?! I'll give up a kidney, buy you a new evil lair (with unicorns painted on the wall MUAHAHAHA), and my sister can be a good candidate for sacrifice. All you need to do is get a fishing rod and hang Ed on it! *hugs***

Father: … *wtf face*

Me: OH MAH AMATERASU HE SHOWED EMOTION IT'S THE END OF THE WOOOOOORLD! *runs around screaming like my tail's on fire*

Roy: *snaps because I'm giving him a headache*

Me: *tail is actually on fire* …Huh. A pleasant warmth, actually… *tries to blow fire out and only makes it worse because I just shot a fireball at the tail* AGHHHHHHH!

**Greed, out of curiosity, how come you've never been arrested before? I mean, you're at least 200 years ( give or take a few) older than any girl, except for Lust.**

Greed: Well, I don't exactly go around telling people I'm a Homunculus or that I'm about two hundred. That might land me in the psychiatric ward.

**Hey Tucker, are you thirsty? Just take a drink of this toxic pois- haha I mean MINERAL WATER!**

Tucker: *weird look* I don't trust reviewers on this story. My apologies.

Me: *makes perfect shot so that the container is sliced in half and pours all the "water" down his throat*THREE HUNDRED YEARS OF PRACTICE *fistpump*

Tucker: *gags and dies foaming at the mouth*

**Truth, can you tell Father to make me a Homunculus? After all, you're the most magical being I know of, except the Magical Amazing Author Lady.**

Truth: …Sorry, I don't intervene. *shrugs and goes back to playing Pokémon Ranger: Guardian Signs*

Me: TRUUUUUTH, where is the secret mission for Dialga, Palkia, and Giratina?!

Truth: *smiles* I don't intervene.

Me: *facedesk**muffled voice* And I'm not a Magical Amazing Author Lady… I'm a worthless piece of garbage that never updates…

**Wrath, I need to know this if Imma join your evil dance party. Can I take some, like, Advil before I become evil so it doesn't hurt me like it did to you?**

Bradley: What's Advil?

Me: *explains*

Bradley: …Advil isn't gonna work.

**That's all for now. FREE TURTLES FOR EVERY SOUL EXCEPT SHOU TUCKER! Oh and I guess every NOT soul too, because y'all crazy Homunculi don't have 'em!**

Everyone but Tucker and the Homunculi: *petting turtles*

Me: *holds up cute pipsqueak turtle* Aw, hey, buddy!

Turtle: *sees Tucker and viciously attacks*

Me: *as turtle is maiming Tucker* Oh, you're a snapping turtle! Awesome! Imma name you Razor~! *cuddles with blood-stained Razor*

Razor: 83

**I love turtles~! Next up is ****Starania****!**

**Dear Edward, I didn't call you short, I called you miniature!**

Edward: *eyes are narrowed and his hands are twitching*

Alphonse: …Brother?

Edward: *punches Starania*

Me: AMMYDAMNIT ED, I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE REVIEWERS!

Edward: WELL TOO #$%ING BAD FOR YOU.

**Al, what would you do if you turned into a tin can?**

Alphonse: Um… That would be weird… *sweatdrops* Maybe I could see if Brother could change me back…?

**Envy, if I got Kittenizzy loves Edward Elric off your back, will you give me cooking and drawing lessons? Then can we kill her together? And if you were stuck in room full of fan girls with no means of escape, what would you do? What if you were a palm tree?**

Envy: First off, I have no idea how to draw or cook. Second, I would love to kill her very much. Third, I would just kill them all and use their souls for my Stone. And lastly… *facewall* No. Comment.

**Greed-sama, what would you do if you were put in Ouran High School Host Club?**

Greed: *grins* All the women would be mine. Those teenagers wouldn't know what hit them.

**Ed, what would happen if you really were a magician?**

Edward: *snorts* Magic doesn't exist. Besides, alchemy is a _science_, not a bunch of mumbo-jumbo crap.

Me: Oh really? Magic doesn't exist, does it? *poofs up a bunch of alchemy books* It exists. And have fun with the books~ *vanishes*

Edward: *torn between reading the books and investigating the alleged magic* …Aw, hell. *grabs books and runs to room*

**Ed, Envy, and Greed-sama, if you were all stuck in room together, who would die first? Also, Kittenizzy Loves Edward Elric says she's going to marry all of you. What are your thoughts on this? Greed-sama, don't do it! Please don't do it!**

Edward: *still absorbed in books*

Envy: Obviously the pipsqueak. He would be the only human there.

Edward: *oblivious to pipsqueak comment*

Greed: Envy, I wouldn't count that kid out too soon. He probably has figured out a strategy to kill you, and he figured a way to get past my Ultimate Shield a long time ago. Besides… I have a bit of a score to settle with you, as well.

Envy: *eyes narrow* Anyways, she isn't getting near me.

Greed: I wasn't marrying anyone. I can't be tied down like that, otherwise I can't see other women.

Me: …Ed?

Edward: *reading*

Me: EDWARD.

Edward: *doesn't notice*

Me: *leans down next to his ear* EDWARD, ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Edward: *jumps* The hell-?! ...Huh… Anyways, sorry, I'm kind of… taken… *face goes a faint shade of red*

**If all the Homunculi names were changed into the Seven Wonders of the World instead of the Seven Deadly Sins, what would they be? I say Envy is the Hanging Gardens of Babylon!**

Me: Uh, let's see… *laughs* WIKIPEDIA TIME! So first, I think Pride would be the Great Pyramid of Giza, considering that it is the oldest of the Seven Wonders, and Pride is the oldest Homunculus. Also, the Pyramid of Giza is really the only one of the seven that remains intact today, and Pride really didn't _die_, per se.

Pride: …

Me: Next, sure, why not, Envy is the Hanging Gardens of Babylon XD So I tried to find some reasoning, other than the fact that Envy looks like a plant, and… Maybe this will cut it. The Hanging Gardens' location was sort of a mystery, and since the Gardens are so mysterious, they have been spoken of and illustrated in different ways. This could actually hint at the fact that Envy is a shapeshifter who is a bit mysterious, since he prefers to watch and manipulate out of sight. I don't know, just a theory.

Envy: Why does everyone think I look like a plant?!

Me: Third, I believe Lust would probably be the Temple of Artemis. The Temple was very beautiful, but it might've been dangerous because of the refugees seeking escape from prosecution or punishment staying there. Also, I found it quite interesting that the second time the Temple was destroyed (it was destroyed three times total), it was burned down. Sound familiar?

Lust: …I don't find that amusing whatsoever.

Me: Fourth, Greed may be like the Statue of Zeus at Olympia. The Statue and Greed are both very regal and… kingly, I guess? XD

Greed: That's right, WORSHIP me. *laughs*

Me: Fifth, I believe Wrath/Bradley would be like the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, if not only because it was the tomb of a great king. Also, while the city was being taken over by Alexander the Great and later being attacked by pirates, the Mausoleum was untouched. This might point at how Bradley never wavered, no matter what shape the country he ruled over was in.

Bradley: …

Me: Sixth, sloth is like the Colossus of Rhodes. Both symbolize power and strength… Besides, if left to do what he wanted, Sloth would probably move as much as a statue.

Sloth: Zzz… (Too much effort to answer)

Me: Okay, finally… The only Homunculus and Wonder left is Gluttony and the Lighthouse of Alexandria. Let's see… DX I'LL GIVE THIS A SHOT! Uh… the Lighthouse and Gluttony are unique, and… they both have gates? Ugh. Very hard to compare Gluttony to a lighthouse!

Gluttony: …Can I eat the Lighthouse?

Me: No, you'd get a stomachache-wait, never mind. Gate ache? Anyways, all the Wonders besides the Great Pyramid of Giza were destroyed long ago.

Gluttony: Aww…

**Okay, next up is ****SapphireClaw****, with a question that I have had in my mind for FOREVER…**

**Roy: what went through your head when Edward was deconstructed right in front of you when Father called the sacrifices to his lair? It looked quite painful too! And you didn't know what the hell happened to Fullmetal either! Did you think he died or something? Were you SCARED? :3 *evil grin***

Roy: Okay, settle down… At first, I was so stunned I couldn't think. Then yes, I got rather… frightened.

Edward: Aw, Bastard you really do care!

Roy: Shut it, Fullmetal… Seriously, though, don't you think ANYONE would be at least slightly disturbed by an eye opening in the floor with shadow hands crawling everywhere and deconstructing the person in front of you, with no warning at all? And yes, it looked rather painful.

Edward: …It's painful. It really is. *shivers*

***whispers* Parental RoyEd… *squeal* Next up is ****Madame Kasumi****!**

**Ed,  
If Alphonse had died instead of your mom, what would you have done differently?**

Edward: Oh no…

Alphonse: … *looks away*

Edward: *tries to comfort Al* Well… I guess that I wouldn't have tried Human Transmutation… since Mom would've stopped me. Also, she wouldn't approve me going off with an alchemy teacher, probably, so I wouldn't even have the knowledge. I would… likely just deal with the loss for a long time before moving on with my life… *pats Al* But now… I wouldn't be able to carry on without him.

**Alphonse,  
My friend is under the delusion that I am a cat. Can I join your army even though I'm not?**

Alphonse: While you can't join the Feline Division, you can definitely join the Special Troops! They consist of people and anything but cats. I've been getting quite a few volunteers lately, both for the Feline Division and the Special Troops, so the army's progress is phenomenal~!

**Sheska (Sorry if I spelt that wrong),  
I am exactly Like you! I'm shy, quiet, and the only thing I'm good at is reading! I just don't have a photographic memory... *curls up in corner***

Sheska: Oh, don't worry, you spelled it right! And not very many people have a photographic memory, so it's completely fine. Would you like to read some of the books in my personal library? *smiles*

**Hughes,  
You are my favorite character! Can I hug you?**

Hughes: Sure! *hugs* Picture of Elicia? *holds a copy out*

**Izumi,  
If you are a Housewife, how good is your cooking?**

Izumi: *laughs* I'd say decent…

Sig: Your cooking is wonderful, darling!

Alphonse: Oh, Teacher's cooking is SO good! I still haven't had it for all these years, but it actually rivaled Mom's cooking almost all the time!

Edward: *grins* Seriously, we would just live for dinner. Maybe why we didn't run away!

Izumi: …What was that, Ed? *overly sweet smile*

Edward: *gulps* Well, we just loved your cooking very much Teacher!

Izumi: *smiles* Oh, you all flatter me. *waves hand and chuckles*

**Riza,  
What age did you learn to shoot a gun? They taught us at Girl scouts when I was 8.**

Riza: *soft smile* I really can't quite remember, but my mother taught me. I would love spending the afternoons doing all sorts of things with her, like bow hunting, making daisy crowns, and going bird watching… And she eventually taught me how to use a gun. For… my self-defense. *sad look* She wouldn't have appreciated my joining the military, but…

**Havoc,  
Cigar, Pipe, or Cigarette? Cuz I got a box if Cigars if you want one. Or two. Or all of them. (I don't smoke)**

Havoc: I prefer cigarettes, but I'm fine with cigars, too. *Takes a couple*

**Father,  
Do you know the Father from Kids Next Door? Also HUG THERAPY! (Randomly grows curl and Italian accent)**

Father: …?

Me: GET OUT OF YOUR CAVE OR AT LEAST WATCH TV. *facedesks and explains*

Father: No, I haven't, and… *emotionlessly stares at you* No.

Me: Hugs? Did someone say HUGS?! 83

**Everyone,  
Did any of ya'll think Edward was a girl until he talked? Cause my brother did...**

Roy: Well, I did. Sometimes I still think so because he's so hormonal. *smirks*

Edward: *death glare*Shut up.

Roy: Tiny girly shrimp… *laughs*

Edward: *punches* STFU AND GET OUT

Everyone else: *sweatdrops and backs away*

…**Oh dear. Anyways, next up is ****musicgirlforever101****!**

**Dear Ed, if you had to choose 4 people for a snowball battle, who would you have on your team and why? Oh and who would you want to snow battle the most? PS- don't worry about being short, cuz I'm short too! :D**

Edward: Oh, I'd definitely choose Teacher… Olivier and Miles… and Al. I have seen all four of them kick ass on a snow day. As for whom I would like to do battle and wreak chaos on… Isn't the answer obvious? Colonel Bastard ALSO can't stand snow, by the way. *snickers and grins evilly*

Roy: …

Edward: And why would I worry about being short? Because I am NOT short…

Everyone: *stifling laughter*

Edward: *pulls out chainsaw and does the Mad Father thing*

Everyone: *screams and flees to Briggs*

…**Well shoot. He's rather manic today. *facedesk* Next up is ****messykat211****!**

**Let's gather round the campfire singing our campfire song. Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song. And if you don't think we can sing it faster then you're wrong... It'll help if you just sing along *pulls out a guitar* BUM BUM BUM**

Edward! Continue! You know you want to

Edward: *grabs machine gun* NEVAAAAAAH 83

Me: *quickly restrains him and takes all weaponry away*

**Major Armstrong...  
Impossibrrr! ...Nevermind. Messy shall find out another way. Say, what's your shoe size?**

Armstrong: *rips off shirt and sparkles* FOURTEEN!

Everyone: *slowly backs away*

**Izumi,  
':D Merp? You still get your gift? Oh my gosssh. But I thought you were ol-**

Izumi: *grabs you by the throat* You wanna FINISH that sentence for me, sweetie? *demonic fake innocent smile*

**Scar,  
You made my magazine esplode! ...oh well- there's a lot of 'interesting' stories on this site anyway…**

Scar: …*looks at hand* *grabs computer*

Me: …This isn't good.

Scar: …All right. Strong supporter of "ScarKimblee" (I have never seen this before, by the way, but what I wouldn't bet it freaking exists… -_-") gave up their personal info. And I know where they live. *cracks knuckles*

Me: NO. *restrains*

**Riza-chan,  
Say, what if Mustang decided to imitate Psy's MV for Gentleman? ...You'd probably be the female lead XD**

Riza: I wouldn't follow along. I would just shoot him if he tried taking my chair or anything like that.

**What about Gangnam Style?**

Riza: *eye twitches* He has already attempted Gangnam Style.

Roy: *trembles* It backfired… Badly… Very badly…

**Mustang-chan,  
What would happen if you were engaged to Olivier Armstrong?**

Roy: *grumbles* At least make it –kun, not –chan… Anyways… *starts shaking* Urgh…

Olivier: *cracks knuckles and flashes sword* I believe an "accident" could be arranged to end the engagement.

Roy: *slowly backs away, whimpering*

**That would only end badly for everyone. Next up is ****Ice Prince****!**

**Mustang,  
The cactus incident happened because apparently you ran out of water during the Restoration Project, and were desperately thirsty...And don't worry, apparently some other soldiers drank some too later in the day and start to get the 'Boogie Fever' complete with a disco ball they forced Ed to make...*blinks* you know what just roll the clip. *hands Dfire a DVD***

Me: Ooh, thank you~!

Roy: Why are you giving it to the deranged dragon?!

Me: Shh, Roy… Shh. *sticks DVD into DVD player*

Everyone: *watching intently*

*about twenty minutes later; use your imaginations to see what happened, as it would likely be far too hilarious for words to describe~*

Everyone: *crying from laughing so hard*

Roy and select soldiers: *extremely pale*

**Ed,  
*sneaks him a water bottle filled with cactus juice* Here give it to whoever you want. Just take LOTS of pictures.**

Edward: *evil grin*

Everyone: O_O Like hell you're getting any of us to drink it…

Edward: *smiles sweetly* Oh, I have my ways. By the end of this chapter, one of you will be high off cactus juice. Oh, and pictures are only second best. Oh Dfire~

Me: *tosses him a video camera*

**Hughes,  
Other Elicia (who is 21 FYI) says Hi.**

Hughes: TWENTY-ONE?! HOW COULD SHE GROW UP SO FAST?! *freaking out*

Elicia: *squeals and glomps Hughes* Daddy!

Hughes: …*breathes sigh of relief* Elicia, darling, don't you ever grow up.

Elicia: Okay~!

**I swear that reminds me of that one Taylor Swift song… Next reviewer is ****I 8 Shinigami****!**

**Hmph, you clearly have no idea who you're messing with.**

Me: Ready Ryuk?

Ryuk: Yep.

Me:"Ready Spirit?"

*The scythe turna into Spirit Albarn.* "CALL ME CRAPPY ONE MORE TIME AN I'LL KICK YOUR ASS YOU ALBINO SHARKTOOTH!"

All: "FuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuSION!

I8SPIRYUK WILL KICK YOUR ASS ED!

Edward: *grins as Two Steps from Hell- Archangel starts playing* **(A/N Please do yourself a favor and listen to it on YouTube… it is so beautifully epic~)** I wouldn't get too cocky if I were you… Because we have backup. First... Dfire?

Me: *releases blast of fire into the sky* This'll be an interesting fight… so I'm not missing out on it. *eyes flicker red* Try dealing with an immortal!

Rem: …*nods* We will win this fight.

Soul: Pff. Like you'll even manage to get close to me, old man! *whistles sharply* Also, I happen to have another albino that owes me a favor…

Allen Walker **(A/N Yes, I am shamelessly bringing D. Gray Man into this.):** *shows up and looks around* Oh my. You're redeeming the favor I owe you quite well, I'd say. *hand turns into anti-akuma weapon*

Soul: *turns into a scythe*

Edward: *grabs Soul mid-air*

Me: Ms. Rem?

Rem: *nods and closes eyes*

*she and I merge, creating a skeleton-like dragon with blue flames running along body*

ShinigamiDragonfire: *piercing hell roar*

**You're the one that's going down! *crazed laughter* Next up is ****Ava****!**

**Miles,  
I chose you as the water bender, because you are just that awesome.  
Speaking of water...  
**Miles: Thank you. *nods*

**Everyone,  
What would you do if you found out that Olivier was secretly a water alchemist (FYI not a State Alchemist), but she only used it in extreme emergencies?**

Everyone: *some wide eyed, some not surprised, and all looking at Olivier*

Olivier: *growls* What?

Everyone: *gulps and backs away*

**I wouldn't be surprised. Olivier has a LOT of tricks up her sleeve, and plenty of secrets to hide. That could be one of them… Next up is ****Kitten1313****!**

**Dear Al, We attack at dawn.**

Alphonse: *nods and turns, facing sea of kitties* Let us march, comrades!

Kitties: *meow battle cry in perfect sync and charge forward as the Narnia theme plays*

**Dear Dfire,  
I come bearing gifts look a duck! (I named him Crackers.)**

Me: *looks at Crackers* Hiya sweetie~! My friend is obsessed with ducks, so she will ADORE you.

**Dear Tucker,  
See you're not the only one that can make a Chimera. Now deal with being a bird...ant...thingy!**

Tucker: *strangled cry*

**Dear Riza,  
What's your favorite cal.? Mine's .22.**

Riza: I tend to use .22 often, but occasionally I use.45 caliber.

**Dear Havoc,  
Ahh, bird ant thingy! Kill it, kill it!**

Havoc: …I miss the days when this kind of thing would be completely strange and definitely the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. *pulls gun and shoots*

**Dear Nina,  
You're so cute;, can I have a hug?**

Nina: Okay~! *squeals and glomps* :3

**Dear Trisha,  
Can you watch over little Nina? She's gone through so much. (And I'm not done killing her father)**

Trisha: *smiles and cuddles with Nina* Of course. She's the sweetest little darling, just like my boys. How couldn't I?

**I love Nina and Trisha so much. I sometimes think that they can be underrated characters, even though they indirectly shaped the plot of FMA. Next up is ****SOU1 3AT3R16****!**

**Dear Envy,  
You are a badass and are fricken sexy (not to be creepy or anything)  
Also could u kill Tucker, paint the walls with his blood and mount his head on a wall plz? I would be very happy! Question: if you could kill two ppl in the military, who would they be? Last, you are my fav character and I am a huge fan! XD**

Envy: …*drags Tucker into a room*

*screams are heard*

Envy: *comes back out while washing blood off hands* If I could kill two people in the military, it would have to be the flame colonel and either Pipsqueak or Hawkeye. Also… wonderful. Be my fan in that corner over there while I take care of murdering Mustang.

Me: *promptly ties him down and knocks him out*

**Yeah, he's not touching Roy. NEVER. Next up is ****StarTheOshawott****! **

**Ed, Al, and Roy: See that pile? That's a pile of shipping fics that needs destroying. It includes EdxRoy and EdxAl. Go all out on it. Anyone else can join in if they want to.**

Everyone: …This is their battle alone. *nod in respect and back away*

Edward and Alphonse: *use alchemy to make a deep pit under the pile*

Roy: *snaps, making a bonfire out of the shipping fics in the pit*

Everyone: *cheers* BRING OUT THE MARSHMALLOWS AND CHOCOLATE!

**Alex: Do shiny Pokemon have anything to do with your family? *Holds up a shiny Buizel***

Armstrong: Ah yes! My illustrious grandfather caught every single Pokémon in existence, and they became imbued with the powers of the Armstrong family! When they were released upon his death, they gave birth to GLORIOUSLY sparkling CHILDREN! *rips off shirt and sparkles*

**Olivier: Bet your anti-sparkle stuff won't work on shiny Pokemon. *Holds up shiny Buizel from before***

Olivier: sadly, it's only temporary spray, but it's potent enough to drive away Alex's sparkles. *sprays Buizel and shiny-ness vanishes*

Buizel: O_O"

**Tucker: Wanna bet that this large pile of hardcover books doesn't make a good blunt weapon? *Drops hardcover books on Tucker and leaves him there***

Tucker: Gghh…! Someone help…!

*everyone ignores Tucker*

**Ed: Short people are awesome! I don't know why some people don't get that...**

Edward: *fistpumps* Exactly!

Everyone: *stifling a laugh*

Edward: …I mean, hell yeah they are, but I'm not short! *glares at everyone* I still have the cactus juice!

Everyone: *stops laughing and flees*

**I wonder who he'll use it on… Hehe. Next up is ****ZakuroU****!**

**Dear Shou Tucker,  
I'm not so big on the whole killing thing, (actually, I hate killing) that's why I haven't really killed you. But! Before you thank me...  
My little sis was watching the FMA anime, and she really hates what you did to Nina. She cried for that poor girl!  
So... Without further ado...  
*goes evil-looking to the point where she resembles Teacher on a bad day*  
I summon Chuck Norris. And a laser cannon, an AK-47, Goku, Wolverine and Mois-chan, Sage Mode Naruto and THE ARMA-FLIPPING-GEDDON!  
Kill.  
Don't mess with my Chibi-chan! FEAR THE POWERS OF OVER-PROTECTIVE FAMILY!**

Tucker: *repeatedly murdered, vaporized, shot, yelled at for some-odd hours, shredded, Lord of Terrored to death, hit by several jutsus, and APOCALYPSED*

Everyone: *stares at mile long blood stain*

**Dear Teacher,  
You are one of my friends favourite characters.  
I'm scared of you. You are very powerful, and cool, but SCARY.  
Just so you know...**

Izumi: Scared? *laughs* AS YOU DAMN WELL SHOULD BE! Respect the housewife! *smiles pleasantly*

**Dear Ed,  
You know what a cell phone is, right? Well, my ringtone is you in Gluttony's stomach screaming 'ELRIC BROTHER TELEPATHY!' It goes off at the funniest times. Like when I'm sitting in French class...**

Edward: *face goes red* That was a desperate moment…!

Alphonse: *laughing* "Elric Brother Telepathy"…?

Edward: -_-" I WAS DESPERATE.

Roy: *stifling laughter*

*Flame Alchemist Rap starts going off* (Oh snap, snap, spark, spark…)

Everyone: *looks around confused*

Me: *quickly grabs phone* …FMA has taken over MY ringtone as well…

Edward, Alphonse and (God forbid) Riza: *cracking up laughing*

Roy: …*facewall*

**Dear Roy,  
Do you remember a few chapters back when you said Ed and my mates were short little buddies?  
Well, as revenge... USELESS USELESS POINTLESS USELESS USURATONKACHI HELPLESS USELESS USELESS HETARE HETARE BANANA USELESS HELPLESS HETARE USELESS PENGUIN USELESS!**

Roy: *twitching* Nnn…? *collapses* Aughhhh…

Riza: *checks him* …He'll be fine. I'm pretty sure.

Edward: *pokes him* Wow. This is just sad.

**Dear Armstrong,  
Everyone I know wishes they could make pink sparkles. You are so lucky. Also, your moustache is totally awesome.**

Armstrong: *sparkles* THANK YOU! This glorious moustache has been passed down the Armstrong line for GENERATIONS! *rips off shirt*

**Ah, gotta love our classic Major Armstrong. Next up is ****Bluefire21guest****!**

**Dear Ed,  
The colonel does have ACTUAL emotion! He just hides it behind a mask of not caring! Besides, you should just be happy he's not so depressed that he's suicidal anymore! Now that is a scary colonel...man, I hated those episodes...**

Edward: …? Suicidal?

Roy: *looks uncomfortable*

Edward: *stops and sighs* Idiot. Just make sure that you don't even think about that kind of stuff now…

Roy: …*nods* I'm not.

**Suicidal Roy made me upset and sad :( Next up is ****ValleyOfDeath****!**

**Dear Alphonse,  
WAIT! I wanna help with the invasion too! *summons thousands of golems, hundreds of Chimeras (from the actual lore) and millions of imps* The imps... *cough cannon-fodder cough***

Alphonse: *raises hand and the golems, chimera, and imps join the charging army* Thanks!

**Dear Ling,  
Are there any perks, besides the obvious things, to having Greed in you?**

Ling: Well… He increases my prowess in battle, and like they say, two heads are better than one. If I happen to let my guard down, Greed alerts me immediately.

**Not-so-Dear Kimblee and Tucker,  
PEER INTO MY SOUL! *rips open chest* (Note: people who peer into my soul often do a complete 180 in terms of personality, or they go into major cardiac arrest)**

Tucker: *has a heart attack and dies*

Kimblee: *has weird look on face*

Me: Uhh… Kimblee…?

Kimblee: *walks up and hugs* I love everyone! Like, peace love and happiness~!

Me: AGHHHHHH!

**Dear Everyone,  
Who is the best singer? Dancer? Actor? Villain? Alchemist? (BE HONEST!)**

Edward: …Winry's a good singer… *face goes slightly red*

Everyone: *smug looks*

Edward: *snarls* I STILL HAVE THE CACTUS JUICE.

Everyone: …Anyways… We don't know of any dancers. So…

Me: I think the best actor is Envy, considering he can shapeshift and can pull off VERY convincing impressions. He can blend in to any background, and it's almost like he has multiple personalities, and we don't know which personalities are an act and which ones are real.

Envy: …Why are you analyzing me?

Me: Villain… I'd say Father, since he orchestrated something so huge. Everything you see in the series is connected to Father's plan, either directly or indirectly. Even when he was just a little being that couldn't move beyond the flask, he still manipulated the king of Xerxes, tricking him into orchestrating the events that would lead to his and Hohenheim's immortality.

Father: …

Me: Best alchemist? Probably Hohenheim, because he's had a few centuries of practice, but he could be tied with Father…

Hohenheim: *shrugs a bit*

**Dear D-fire,  
Who would be who when comparing the FMA cast to the Supernatural cast?**

Me: I seem to be getting these questions more often now… Hm… I'll try to keep this short.

Edward: You know, I think you bring this on yourself.

Me: *glares* Well anyways… I think Ed is like Dean. Both older brothers, willing to do anything for their younger brothers, they've both sacrificed something important for their little brothers, and they're both shorter than their younger brothers, among other things.

Edward: Alphonse is NOT taller than me anymore! *eye twitch*

Me: Yes he is. Next, Al is like Sam. They're younger brothers, they're taller than their older brothers, they'd do anything for their brothers, Al and Ed's mother is dead like Sam and Dean's mother, etc.

Edward: *pouting* I'm taller

Alphonse: *nods*

Me: Trisha and Hohenheim are like Mary and John Winchester, Sam and Dean's parents, besides the fact that John stayed with Sam and Dean while Hohenheim left…

Edward: *death glare at Hohenheim*

Hohenheim: …

Me: I'd say that Lust is like Ruby. They're both manipulative, seductive, and tricked the person they were dating for their own gain (Lust-Havoc and Ruby-Sam). They're also both not human.

Lust: *shrugs* At least I'm not a demon.

Me: Father reminds me of both Azazel (Yellow Eyed Demon) and Lucifer. For one thing, Hohenheim and Father have an intertwining past like John and Azazel. Plus, Father and Azazel both (duh) have yellow/gold eyes. However, like Lucifer, Father is the main antagonist and everything and everyone was just a pawn in his game. In both cases of Azazel and Lucifer, a thing they share with Father, they all had a master plot that was much deeper than ever expected.

Father: *silently watching*

Me: Joanne is like Winry… Love interests for the older brother, both are strong, and wish that they could protect the ones they care for. Their personalities are also very similar.

Winry: *laughs* I would probably get along with her then.

Me: So I know I passed over a couple (a couple?!) characters, but I really need to get moving so I can update this sooner…

**Dear Everyone,  
*summons Excalibur and starts singing along with him/it***

Everyone: *stares like wtf*

Me and Excalibur: FOOLS!

**Dear Ed,  
One of my friends is in love with you and everyone calls her a midget chaser because of it. I don't because I can understand why some people would find you cute *very quickly afterwards* NO HOMO!**

Edward: *growls angrily* IM NOT A MIDGET AND IM NOT CUTE HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT IM SUCH A CHIBI THAT EVERYONE CARRIES ME AROUND IN THEIR POCKETS AND A BREEZE WOULD BLOW ME TO THE OTHER END OF THE COUNTRY?!

Everyone: …*thinking: amazing lungs you got there…*

**Dear Armstrong,  
Who is the best at what in your family? ex: maybe Olivier is the best sword fighter while you're the best at lifting. Or something like that. Oh, and tell us more embarrassing things about your sister. *creates an indestructible and sound-proof barrier around everyone except Olivier***

Armstrong: *rips off shirt and flexes, sparkling* Well, Amue, the second oldest sister, is an INCREDIBLE cook! The third sister, Strongine, is an artist of much renown, and she is excellent at sewing. The youngest of us, Catherine, is a skilled piano player! She can also throw them quite well! And you wish to hear about my dear eldest sister?

Olivier: *banging on barrier*

Armstrong: When she was younger, Olivier actually was just like Catherine! She played the piano so well that it would break your heart or lift your spirits in PASSION! *sparkles profusely* She would also sing along to the piano in an angelic voice passed down through the fair women of the Armstrong family for GENERATIONS!

Olivier: *eye twitch* I see him sparkling in there… What is he saying?!

Me: Uh… nothing? *vanishes before anything more can be asked*

Olivier: *growls*

**Dear Envy,  
*summons Kirby*  
Chicken wing! Chicken wing! Hotdog and bologna! Chicken and macaroni! Chilling with my homies! *repeats innumerable times***

Envy: *eyes narrow and arms turn into blades*

Me: NU. *glomps*

Envy: *struggles* Get the hell off me so I can destroy that stupid pink puffball and the reviewer.

Me: *death glare* Hell naw!

**Dear Ed,  
I happen to support a shipping with you and... *glances at Sciezska* somebody else.**

Edward: *blinks at slowly glances at Sheska*

Sheska: *looks at Ed*

Edward and Sheska: O_e"

**Oh and I also have a few pics!  
1: Ed asleep in Al's armor as Al is cleaning the helmet, his body back.**

Edward: …

Alphonse: Aw, Brother, that's so sweet!

Edward: *facedesk*

**2: Roy with one arm across the back of Ed's neck and his hand resting on Ed's shoulder, them being covered in dirt, and in uniform points to just getting off the field. Roy's hair is grey.**

Edward: *throws hands up in the air* How do you people even get these pictures?! I'm not staying in the military that long!

Roy: *looks at picture quietly*

Edward: *sighs*

**3: Everyone is sitting in front of the gate and smiling. I mean EVERYONE! EVEN TUCKER!**

**(A/N Dang I've seen this pic so many times XD)**

Everyone: *stares at it awkwardly*…

Edward: WHERE THE HELL DO THESE PICTURES COME FROM?!

**4: Al reading a book with Xiao-Mei, supposedly reading, on his head.**

May: *squeals* Awww!

Xiao Mei: *blinks and lightly squeals along with May*

Alphonse: *laughs* Aw, it's so cute!

**5: An older Ed and Roy walk into a bar.**

Roy: …*looks at it mildly surprised*

Edward: Like hell I would go to a bar with Colonel Pyro. Knowing my luck, he wouldn't be able to handle his alcohol and I'd be stuck dragging him home!

Roy: *rolls eyes* I could easily hold twice as much alcohol as you could, Fullmetal.

Me: So the Flame Alchemist and Fullmetal Alchemist walk into a bar…

Roy and Edward: *death glare* NO. CRAPPY. PUNS.

Me: *whimpers and tucks tail between legs*

**6 through 11: In the same bar, Ed and Roy are drinking and laughing, talking about something.**

Riza: *gets ahold of pictures and smiles*

Roy: …

Edward: Yeah, those are definitely fake… Because I don't get along with Colonel Bastard.

Roy: *shrugs* It's happened before, Fullmetal. Besides, maybe you and I are more tolerant in later years.

Edward: *rolls eyes* Mm. More tolerant, my ass. More like taking care of you because you're senile and wasted.

Roy: *growls*

**12: An adult Ed reading the paper at the table as Winry places his food on his plate. They both are wearing rings.**

Hughes: *points and laughs* I KNEW IT!

Edward: Sh-shut up Hughes…! *blushing*

Winry: Hey, what are you guys fussing about? *walks over and takes picture*

Edward: …!

Winry: *looks at it and blush goes dark red* O-oh….

Roy: *laughs* How adorable, Fullmetal.

Edward: *mumbling incomprehensibly*

**And finally, 13: Roy and Riza are sitting on a bench at the park, both of them watching the kids play. They also have rings.**

Roy and Riza: *blushing deeply*

Hughes, Edward, and all the rest of Mustang's team: *points and laughs* WE KNEW IT!

Edward: *smirks and walks over to Roy*How adorable, Colonel.

Roy: *mumbling incomprehensibly*

**Hehe. My Royai senses are tingling! *fangirl squeals* Next up is ****Caliope****!**

**Al: I love the Warriors as well! Which cat do you like the most: Jayfeather, Lionheart, or Hollyleaf? Which cat do you think represents everyone the most? I will join the cat army with my orange tabby Rusty!**

Alphonse: *overlooking massive army hidden in a jungle valley* I suppose that it's break time… Anyways, I really like Lionheart because he reminds me of Brother. *laughs* Jayfeather is cool and collected like Colonel (and they were both blind, even if Colonel was only blind for a bit), and Hollyleaf is smart and loves knowledge and follows the rules like Ms. Sheska. And thank you! We would be glad for reinforcements! *looks at Rusty and nods in respect* You bear an honorable name, my friend…

**Envy:...Non-gender specific palm tree! Ha, jokes aside, what are your favorite; animal, food, color, and torture method? Do you view Ed as a rival or anti-friend?**

Envy: *snarls a bit* …My favorite animals are snakes, favorite food are parfaits, especially chocolate **(A/N This was revealed, if I remember correctly, in the video game Fullmetal Alchemist: Dream Carnival. Up to you if it's canon or not ;))**, favorite color is green, and my favorite torture method is to shapeshift into a close friend or family member of the victim, then "kill" myself as the friend or family member. Also, I do not think of Pipsqueak as either a rival OR anti-friend, but as a lowly, pesky, annoying-as-hell human.

Edward: MY NAME ISN'T PIPSQUEAK!

Envy: *smirks* What was that, Pipsqueak? I can't hear you over my not caring.

Edward: *eye twitches angrily and transmutes automail sword*

**All Homunculi and Father: Why is it only the 7 sin, are there any virtue themes HOMUNCULI? Each sin should describe how their opposite would look, what their personality would be like, and how well they got along with their sibling. (The virtue would be the opposite gender of the Sin)**

Father: …

Me: *pokes Envy* Come oooon, you first~

Envy: *growls* But-

Me: *eyes glow red* ANSWER. THE. QUESTION.

Envy: *eyes narrow* Fine, fine… If I had an opposite, she would probably try gentle approaches to things, wouldn't be too bright, and would be more accustomed to physical work rather than spying or assassinating like me. I can say right now that I wouldn't get along with her whatsoever…

Me: Okay, Greed next!

Greed: *shrugs* My opposite would likely be completely selfless and not greedy, yet she would constantly lie as a parallel to my truthfulness. But of course I would get along with my opposite… She's a LADY after all. *smirks*

Me: Oh Lusty!

Lust: *sighs* My opposite would probably be a bit stupid, not very attractive, and more with physical work than the things I do, such as seducing information out of people. I wouldn't get along with him.

Me: Now for Gluttony!

Gluttony: Opposite? Can I eat opposite?

Me: No, Gluttony… Just try to describe stuff that's not like you.

Gluttony: Oh… okay… Opposite wouldn't be hungry, and she'd be pretty and tall and thin, and smart, too. Like Lust! I like Lust :)

Me: Aww… Next up is Wrath!

Bradley: *watches* An opposite, hm… She would probably be younger, and be skilled in guns or hand-to-hand combat instead of blades. Her eyesight would likely be poor…

Me: And she'd actually be devoted to those below her…

Bradley: …And she would appear angry and unfriendly but is actually outgoing and cheerful on the inside. I wouldn't get along with her…

Me: Sloth!

Sloth: *asleep*

Me: SLOTH.

Sloth: *groans and mumbles* Opposite… not lazy. Little and…weak. Try…hard… *falls back asleep*

Me: Eh. That works. Last but not least is Pride.

Pride: *growls* Do I really have to waste my time on this…

Me: Yes, and you're gonna quit your whining.

Pride: *eyes narrow* You _will _die eventually… Anyways, an opposite of mine would look older but very young, she would be very shy and quiet, and not too bright.

**I hope that helps! Next up is ****KylaSoulSongAlchemist****!**

**Everyone,  
You know what? I decided that I'm going to PROVE that I'm part homunculus. I don't know why I want to prove it. Wrath, quick, slice off my head! *dodges* NYAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAH! *Crashes into a wall head-first and her skull ends up cracked* ... Nyeh... *regenerates* ... HOLY CRAP THAT WAS AWESOME!**

Everyone: *sweatdrops*

**Pride,  
Would you enjoy/ be okay with BEN following you and killing everyone else but you? I don't know what made me think of this. I actually made friends with him on Cleverbot. I realleh did.**

Pride: I honestly wouldn't care if everyone else died…

**Dear Uncle Envy,  
I hate pants. Look, I can shapeshift like you! *transforms to look like a more feminine-looking Envy***

Envy: *eye twitch*

**Dear Uncle Greed,  
Yay, morals! Yeah, I'm not of legal drinking age... I'm only 13.75 (yes, I'm being that precise)... Meh. Meh! *tackle-hugs Greed***

Greed: *hugs back* Eh. Just 7.25 more years and I'll have you drinking.

**Dear Uncle Gluttony,  
I made cheesecake! *gives him the cheesecake* I don't really know if it counts as cake or not, but it has cake in the name, so whatevs... By the way, if someone shrunk you to the size of a mouse and left you in a room with a table that had cake on it, would you try to climb the table to get to the cake or would you just eat the table first?**

Gluttony: *eats cheesecake* Yum~ And I would jump and get the cake, easy!

**Dear Aunt Lust,  
Can I have a hug? *eyes turn all sparkly***

Lust: …*hugs*

**Dear Major Armstrong,  
May I introduce you to... THE NYAN CAT?!**

Armstrong: *rips off shirt and sparkles*

Nyan Cat: *rainbows*

Everyone: O_O *entranced by sparkles and rainbows*

**Dear Olivier Armstrong,  
Ya damn right ya did! Bad-assery for the win!**

Olivier: *slight smirk* All right, all right… I have work to attend to. *goes back to checking Briggs's defenses*

**Tucker,  
My pal, BEN, is awesome, isn't he? How about I introduce you to Jeff the Killer? Don't insult him, or he'll kill you! Wait, he'll make you go to sleep either way!  
Jeff: I'm beautiful! Go to sleep, Tucker... *kills Tucker***

Tucker: *le dead*

Me: *salutes Jeff* I'm a big fan of your work, sir.

**Dear Uncle Ed,  
Creepypasta for the win! *hugs Ed***

Edward: *blinks and hugs back*

**Dear Uncle Al,  
Yeah, you do need to read that series... the sad part is that the Tarries... oh, wait, nevermind. They DO show up in all three books.**

Alphonse: *nods* Okay. I'll look into the series when I can! Thank you!

**Dear Everyone,  
Yep, you were all off about Aekij. But that's okay. No one really gets him but me, two of my friends, my other familiars, and my boyfriend anyways.**

Everyone: *shrugs*

**Dear Father,  
*hugs, then runs away for fear of being killed***

Father: *unamused*

**Dear Barry,  
NUUUUUU! MAH KILLIN' BUDDEH WAS TAKEN BY TEH SWAT!**

Barry: :/ *in handcuffs and stuff*

**Dear Selim,  
That's very nice of you! You're very good a drawing! Did you know that I draw too? Here! *gives him a picture of a little kitten***

Selim: *hugs the picture* I love it~! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

**Dear Rose,  
*poke, poke, poke* What's your opinion on Scar, Roy, Envy, Olivier, and the floor?**

Rose: *smiles* Well, do you want me to poke back or not? You kind of have to think about these things before you poke people. Anyways, I really don't know them that well, but I'll try… Um… I know that Scar kills State Alchemists, and that worries me because Ed is one… But I'm sure Ed will be fine. Colonel Mustang… I haven't met him, but I've heard he's the only alchemist that can use fire or flame alchemy, so… That's pretty cool, but I also heard that he killed a lot of people with it. I think it would be kind of scary to meet him… I'd never heard of Envy until I asked Dfire, but… he sounds rather scary and evil… I also had to ask about Olivier. She sounds incredibly tough! I doubt I could ever even hope to accomplish what she has. And… the floor? Well, it's pretty nice. *laughs a bit*

**Normally I'm on the floor when I write this story so… The floor is AMAZING! Next up is ****ShadowWolf****!**

**Dear everyone,  
What would you do if you noticed that most of these questions are not "What would you do" questions? (not that that's a bad thing . . .)**

Everyone: …Huh…

Edward: *looks at me* Wow. I think this story has strayed from its original path, don't you think?

Me: *shrugs* Well, the original intention was basically a Q-and-A fic that made people laugh or just smile a bit. I think it basically stayed on course, if it still makes people happy. It also really makes my day answering people's questions :)

Edward: *shrugs*

**Well, hopefully this fic lives up to its intentions, even though I take forever to update nowadays… Next up is ****! **

**Dear everyone,  
Who would be who if you all were in the Death Note dimension?**

Me: Oh crikes. XD Uh… Kimblee is Light because they are both murderous sociopaths that have no qualms about genocide.

Kimblee: *shrugs*

Me: Now for (*fangirl nosebleed*) L~! I say… Ed. Like L, Edward is a genius and incredibly talented, yet people often don't get his tactics or understand his plans. Sometimes Ed will make bold, risky moves all based on a theory (that tends to be correct).

Edward: Uh… Thanks?

Me: I personally think that Rose and Misa are quite alike… Both are easily manipulated, considered not very bright even though it may be possible that they actually are smart, and both have lost their families. And no offense Rose. Sorry.

Rose: *nods slightly* It's fine… None taken.

Me: Now for Near… Ugh. He's extremely unique so I'll just give this my best shot… I think that Pride is actually like Near. Both hate to lose, are normally very quiet and plot from behind the front lines in the shadows of the operation, are both incredibly cunning and smart, yet their actions can actually be quite childish at rare times. Also, both are often completely underestimated, and they both have creepy as hell smiles.

Pride: …

Me: As for Mello, I would say that he and Olivier actually share a couple qualities, such as being good leaders, having the "the ends justify the means" kind of attitude, both have some pretty dark secrets kept under wraps, and they are both… somewhat psychotic. *uses teleporting powers to flee*

Olivier: *puts away sword in annoyance*

Me: And that is all I will do here… Next question!

**Dear Tucker,  
I'd like you to have an apple!**

Tucker: *takes and looks at it suspiciously*…

**RYUK-KUN! TUCKER STOLE YOUR APPLE!**

Tucker: Wait, wait, no-!

Ryuk: *jots Tucker's name in the Death Note and takes apple back*

Tucker: *gets hit by a bus*

**Dear Ed and Homunculi,  
I found a picture of you all in front of the Gate, and you all were wearing suits...**

Edward: …

Lust: *raises eyebrow* Including me? Because I don't do suits.

Gluttony: *sucking on thumb*

Bradley and Pride: …

Greed: Why were we in front of the Gate?

Envy: Me? In a suit? *rolls eyes* And why the Gate?

Sloth: *sleeping*

**Dear Zanpano,  
Mmmmm, bacon.**

Zampano: *sighs* Really with the pig jokes?

**Dear Darius,  
Do you smell like a monkey?**

Darius: *offended* No. And the last time I checked, my cologne was spice scented.

**Ah, gotta love the chimera jokes ;3 Next up is ****MaoIsSleepy****!**

**Dear Riza,  
What would you do if, during your and Roy's fight against Envy (the one where he dies. This would be before that happens) if Envy transformed into Roy and you didn't know which one was which? You have both of them at gun point and both of them claim they're the real Roy (a classic movie scenario).**

Riza: It would be simple, considering that Envy does not get the memories of those he turns into. A simple question that only the colonel would know would quickly determine who was who.

**I admit, that would be an interesting scenario, but Riza could easily tell the difference I think. Next up is ****Kittenizzy Loves Edward Elric****! **

**Dear Envy, Mwhahaha! You're dead unless you do as I say, sweetheart. So what will it take for me to get you to marry me?! I mean, Father has already given his consent and all, so in all technicalities, you are mine! Equal exchange, more or less... Also, what if I told you my friend is drawing you in a wedding dress?**

Envy: *death glare* Like hell I'm getting married! And… *eye twitch* …

**Dear Tucker, my friend, you have been through so many troubles! I completely and totally understand and forgive what you have done. Let's be best friends mkay? *shakes hand***

Tucker: *hesitantly shakes* What… no death? *stunned*

**Dear Ed, we shall destroy them all! Those evil fiends... shall we get Greed and Dfire to join us?**

Edward: *nods and smiles evilly*

Me: Welp. I'm in.

Greed: *shrugs* Eh, why not.

**Dear Greed, Yay! *Glomps* You're mine forever! So, what are your thoughts on Envy in a wedding dress..?**

Greed: *grins* Aw, little bro, I'm so happy for you!

Envy: *snarls* Shut. Up.

**Dear Envy and Greed, Mmm a question with the two of you... So me and Starania have a cream colored pillow, and a purple colored pillow. The cream one is Greed and the purple one is Envy. We use these for fangirl attacks... Your thoughts on this?**

Greed: Well, good that you found an outlet for the "fangirl attacks".

Envy: …

**Dear Riza, arigato senpai! *bows* Shall we attack my dearest husband Envy now?**

Riza: *nods* Sure.

Envy: You know what?! #$% THIS. *flees*

**Dear Mustang, yup... useless... Thank you for not agreeing with Starania! For that you can have a chic in a mini skirt! So, your thoughts on Envy in wedding dress?**

Roy: *flinches at the "u-word" but sees hot chic in miniskirt* *face goes red*

Riza: …

**Dear everyone, your thoughts on Envy in a wedding dress? Mwhaha! Love ya Envy**

Edward: *bursts out laughing* I knew Envy was a girl!

Envy: *attempts to murder but I pin him down cuz ain't nobody got time for that*

Alphonse: *stifling a laugh*

Father: …

Everyone else: *just laughing*

Envy: I hate you -_-

**Dear Tucker, *is wearing one of those deadly palm taser things with high voaltage that kills* I lied, you bastard... *kills tucker***

Tucker: *electrocuted and dead*

**Hehe. I knew you weren't a traitor. Next up is ****Harryswoman****!**

**Ed: Apple pie or lemon pie?**

Edward: I'd have to say apple. Lemon is also good, but apple just makes me feel sort of at home.

**Winry: Does Ed ever do anything nice for you?**

Winry: *nods* He sometimes gets me earrings or new tools. I really like them~

**Al: Who's scarier: Izumi, Riza, or Olivier?**

Alphonse: Um… Lieutenant Hawkeye isn't scary, but she's incredibly respectable… And I'd have to say that Teacher is a bit scarier than General Armstrong, since she's really unpredictable… And very strong… *shakes a little*

**Aw, poor Al… Next up is ****Scaehime****!**

**So, Ed, do you come up with your rants at the giants ahead of time, or is it improv?**

Edward: *shrugs* Sometimes I think about it and make one, but mostly it's all improvised.

**Al, have you ever met a cat that didn't like you? I've only ever met one that didn't like me. A friend of mine even called me the 'Cat Whisperer' recently. His part-lynx cat usually attacks strangers, but it actually purred around me and licked my finger.**

Alphonse: Well, I've never found a cat that didn't like me… *shrugs a bit*And that cat sounds really cute~!

**Envy, if you were turned into a Pokémon, would you prefer to be a Ditto or an Exeggutor? I have a Ditto nicknamed after you on my White 2 game, and I mentioned the other one to 9foxgrl in a review of her Rumors and Myths fic.**

Envy: I would rather be a Ditto… A shiny one, not pink…

**Ed, same question as Envy, but Lucario or Cobalion? My Cobalion is named after your alchemist title, and I mentioned an evolution from Riolu to Lucario when you got your automail to 9foxgrl.**

Edward: I'd have to say Lucario. It's really cool, and while both are fighting types, Lucario is also part Steel type.

**Well, that and the fact that Lucario is just so awesome ;) Next up is ****MystiqueSilver****!**

**Dear Scar,  
If you had knew that Envy did everything to Ishval, would you still have killed Tucker? Oh since you are here blast his head please..**

Scar: I would have gone straight after that Homunculus, but I probably would have killed the man and the chimera; the man for his terrible sin and the chimera to free her from the pain and torture lying in wait for her. *blows up Tucker's head on way out*

**Dear Ed and Roy,  
You guys really had a great fight! Bad luck Ed... So now you *points Ed* how much time you spend recovering yourself? And you*points Roy* how much time you took cleaning everything?**

Edward: *glares* I didn't need to "recover" because I'm just fine.

Roy: *sighs and rolls eyes* It took… a while.

**Dear Izumi,  
Why did you kill the bear?! He did nothing!**

Izumi: *shrugs* I wouldn't say he did nothing. He attempted to rip my head off while I was out hunting.

**Dear long haired guys in cast,  
Why do you have such long hair?**

Edward: *shrugs* It's comfortable… and it's just the way it is.

Hohenheim: I like it this way.

Kimblee: *absentmindedly shrugs and goes back to playing with transmutation circles*

Envy: I think it looks better longer.

Ling: It's quite normal for males of the Yao clan to have long hair.

Miles: It's easier to keep warm up north with long hair.

**Dear Envy,  
...*stare*... OKAMA.!**

Envy: *awkward stare*

**Dear Nina, Elysia, Selim, May, Shao May and Al,  
Here have a piece of pie!**

Nina: *squeals when Alexander tries to steal it* No, no! Sugar is bad for doggies! *giggles*

Elicia: Thank you! *smiles and eagerly eats pie*

Selim: *mouth is full* Mm! Thanksh! :3

Xiao Mei: *happily eating*

Alphonse: *nods* Thank you very much! *eats*

**All right, final reviewer for today is ****Pride The Arrogant****! Welcome back! :)**

**Dear Pride, can you eat people and gain their souls?**

Pride: *nods* Yes, actually… I just don't do it too often, as it would cause a major fuss…

**Dear May, just how old are you anyways?**

May: I'm about eleven. *smiles a bit* Although I do look a bit younger, don't I?

**Dear Ling, would you have really been willing to keep Greed with you as you became the Emperor?**

Ling: Of course I would have. As crazy as he can be at times, he's a great friend.

Greed: Aw, kid, I'm touched! Hehe.

**Dear May, if a woman becomes the Empress of Xing, does she have to have a child to every clan in Xing, or is there a different role for a female ruler, and if so, what is it?**

May: Well, since there have only been a couple Empresses, the details are still a bit fuzzy, but yes, she would.

**Dear Truth, has Winry ever seen the Gate of Truth?**

Truth: *shakes head* No, Winry Rockbell has never seen the Gate.

**Although it shows Truth taking the form of Winry in the fifth opening of Brotherhood… I still haven't figured that one out XD**

**I seriously cannot apologize enough for updating so late. I was with my rp group a lot, playing video games, taking trips camping and boating, hanging out with friends, swim team preseason, and just basically doing summer stuff… I promise that I will update ASAP this next time! Also, I will be starting school (my first year of high school!) on Tuesday the 3****rd**** of September. I'm not entirely sure how that will affect my schedule quite yet, but I will try to keep everything updated, and I'll usually have a reason for being late on my profile. Anyways, I'll move on to my answers to reviewers and stuff, then I'll go into a little early celebration for hitting the 300 review mark, my return after over two months, and this being the 20****th**** chapter!**

**Immortal Horse****: Truth is way too good at Pokémon XP**

**BionicWafflle****: Thanks for the turtles and the cookies! Even though I really don't deserve the cookies right now :P**

**Starania****: Well, now I know a lot about the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World! Thanks ;3 And try not to kill your friend. It's pretty fun to do so, but still.**

**SapphireClaw****: Hehe, I was just waiting for when the whole "Ed getting sucked into a giant eye while Roy and everyone else could only watch" thing to be brought up. So much Parental RoyEd, which I love~ **

**Madame Kasumi****: Oh my. If your brother thought that Ed was a girl until he talked, then what about ENVY? XD My dad is pretty convinced that Envy is a girl, no joke…**

**9foxgrl****: Thanks! :)**

**Messykat211****: *squirms* MURR!**

**Ice Prince****: Well, it isn't too late to flood his house and office, because I would be willing to help, much as I love that pyro ;3**

**I 8 Shinigami****: Totally bringing Soul Eater, Death Note, and D. Gray Man into this… REFERENCES EVERYWHERE MUAHAHAHA**

**Kitten1313****: *squeals* OMG I LOVE DUCKS :D **

**StarTheOshawott****: Hardcover books also make great ammo, just saying, hehe. I have used books as weapons so many times in my life…**

**ZakuroU****: Well… I actually tend to do quizzes on this one site called quotev . com (remove spaces). My results tend to be mostly Ed, occasionally Alphonse, with a little Roy and Riza thrown in there. Also, for the "Which Homunculus Are You?" quiz, I always get Greed. Always Greed, with a bit of Envy.**

**Bluefire21guest****: Aw, thank you! And I think Roy was more suicidal in the 2003 series. It didn't really mention anything like that in Brotherhood, but I can see it happening. Just not as bad as the first series, because Roy also cares for Riza even more in Brotherhood, I think. Can't leave his woman alone!**

**ValleyOfDeath****: For the Ed and Roy in a bar pic, did Ed have the military uniform on? Because that was actually a scene in the game Fullmetal Alchemist: Bluebird's Illusion… **

**Caliope****: Have I heard of D. Gray Man? HELL YES I HAVE! Love the series so much… However, I've only watched the first episode and three volumes of the manga.**

**KylaSoulSongAlchemist****: Yup… Too paranoid to try talking to BEN XD Now, I haven't played the original games, but I remember playing Pokémon Firered when I was younger, and that Lavender Town just freaked the heck out of me… Whenever I had to go there, I would get in, do what I needed to as fast as possible, and get right out. Mostly the music XP**

**ShadowWolf****: Yup. I actually realized a couple times that most of the questions weren't "what would you do?" questions, lol… Eh. Whatever works.**

**Po. Lars****: If I could change anything in FMA… Well, I have everything I would change on every single disclaimer for every chapter! ;3**

**Kittenizzy Loves Edward Elric****: Don't worry, I knew you weren't a traitor! And… Huh, never heard of pineapple pancakes before… XD**

**Scaehime****: Eh, I think my username is somewhat longer XD And thank you!**

**MystiqueSilver****: Nice! I just love the pictures, and I think that if I could show them to the FMA characters for real, it would be hilarious…**

**Pride The Arrogant****: Okay… You and your Pride-ness still freaks me out XD**

**FREAKING SHADOWS EVERYWHERE DAMNIT**

-*FMA*-

All the FMA cast looks around warily, just waiting for impending doom…

But nothing happens.

"…So… What are you planning…?" Ed asks suspiciously.

**Eh. Really nothing, this time.**

He frowns. "Okay, what's with the whole 'mysterious voice' thing? You're too lazy to even show up?"

**Uh… Actually, I thought it was more dramatic, since… Voice of God, I guess?**

This earns an eye roll. "Yeah… I've met God and you are nothing like him. It. Whatever."

**Besides the fact that I can make you guys do anything I want, considering you're in my fanfiction right now. Oh yeah, what did you do with that cactus juice, Ed?**

He smirks. "Oh you'll see in a second…"

Out of nowhere, Envy barrel rolls along the ground and begins army crawling. "Shh… I am on a top secret mission from the FBI…" At this, everyone busts out laughing while Hughes pulls out the camera and Ed begins recording with the video camera.

**Um… Are you okay, Envy…?**

Envy suddenly looks around, dead serious. "I am a PALM TREE, oh mystical voice in the sky…" He begins inchworming around.

***dying from laughter*Okay then… Uh… So how's the invasion going, Alphonse? **

Alphonse looks up, a small smile on his tired face. "Excellent; we took Aerugo and Creta without too many problems. Next stop Drachma!"

**I didn't really think you were a world domination kind of person…**

Al shrugs. "Just making the world a better place for strays, one step at a time."

**Well, that's good. I can completely understand that. Anyways, in celebration, feast and dessert for everyone! (Except Tucker, who just happens to be at the bottom of the sea right now.)**

Tables full of food for everyone appear and they all dig in.

**And now for the character popularity (based on how many questions have been asked of each character) poll!**

Edward: 168

Roy: 99

Alphonse: 70

Tucker: 55 (He dies in every single question! Woohoo!)

Envy: 53

Riza: 52

Armstrong: 40

Greed: 38

Lust: 30

Pride: 29

Ling: 28

Hughes: 26

Winry: 25

Olivier and Father: 23

Havoc: 22

Bradley/Wrath: 21

Gluttony: 19

Izumi and Truth: 17

Hohenheim: 14

Hayate and Nina: 11

Scar: 10

May: 9

Kimblee and Sloth: 8

Breda: 7

Fuery, Dolchetto, Zampano, Sheska, Buccaneer, Miles, and Selim: 6

Martel, Falman, Barry, and Rose: 5

Alexander, Heinkel, Darius, and Trisha: 4

Roa and Jerso: 3

Garfiel, Dominic, Den, Bido, Yoki, Pinako, Lan Fan, Comanche, Elicia, and Scar's Brother: 2

Paninya, Ridel, Satella, Basque Gran, Ulchi, Gracia, Grumman, Fu, Denny, Maria, Sig, and Xiao Mei: 1

Ed smirks at Roy. "Hey, Colonel Pyro, guess what? I win… by a landslide… again."

Roy glares in annoyance but doesn't make a reply.

Yoki looks horrified. "What… A man of my great stature, only asked ONE question?! This is an outrage, and…"

While Yoki rants in the background, all the FMA characters chat and joke about the popularity poll.

**Well, there you have it! Thank all of you so much for reviewing, because this story completely runs on your support. I WILL update again soon this time!**

**And I have to update this quickly… My laptop is about to die and there's a HUGE thunderstorm, so I have to turn it off before plugging it in… Bye everyone! **

**-**_**Dfire**_


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